How The Peng Challenge Was Won And Where It Got Us [Archive]

Leeo

04-03-2001, 09:08 PM

Originally posted by PeterNZer:

And i wonder if the little ones will reply to my challenge. We shall see

The only little thing I've seen was your lame-arsed attempt at a challenge (no, wait, your intellect was even smaller, only measurable in partial nanometers). You are not worth the effort it takes to look the other way. Now were you to submit a proper challenge (if you are capable of such), I just may grant you the nearly infinite, orgiastic pleasure of having your head handed to you by yours truly, Me. Now run along and see if you can come up with a taunt that could at least match the great eloquence, as compared to your monosyllabic mumblings, of Elmer Fudd. Feel free to use a dictionary.

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It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there's no money!

David Aitken

04-03-2001, 09:09 PM

I think you'll find, Leeo my little princess, that Joe is less of a lawyer and more of a mortgage banker or something of similar interest (ie. nil). Not to suggest that lawyers are interesting, of course. Amusing, yes, in a macabre sort of way. Joe and colleagues can be observed mingling in groups known as 'wunches'.

Stuka

04-03-2001, 09:27 PM

So this is David's house eh?
Lets see....embossed floral wallpaper, heavy rose petal curtains and gaudy dark red (again floral patterned) carpets. Not enough room to swing a cat in the lounge room, garage full of laundry and the car in the driveway.
Yup, definitely an English cesspool.

Berlichtingen

04-03-2001, 09:28 PM

April 4th... a date which will live in infamy
http://Berlichingen.tripod.com/pawbroon.html

[This message has been edited by Berlichtingen (edited 04-03-2001).]

Mace

04-03-2001, 09:35 PM

Originally posted by David Aitken:
R.E.M.

Consider this....

Yeh, REM might be a fine power pop band, but they are really Shoes (http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=Brq6dtr69kl3x) wannabees!

btw, In a blatant display of callousness I have ignored your 1 golden rule and didn't challenge anyone!

What are you going to do about it, you pommie b*stard?!! http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/tongue.gif

[This message has been edited by Mace (edited 04-03-2001).]

Mark IV

04-03-2001, 09:49 PM

Originally posted by Stuka:
...embossed floral wallpaper, heavy rose petal curtains and gaudy dark red (again floral patterned) carpets.

For some reason, I'll bet there are lots of shoes. I think he's got a shoe thing, ol' Dave does. Brown shoes, blue shoes, those shoes that looked so nice on Judy Garland but the straps hurt his feet but he can't bear to throw them out, all kinds of shoes. Probably stacked neatly somewhere. Yup, shoes.

Kitty

04-03-2001, 09:53 PM

ROFL! I just spent like 2 hours typing a scathing reply to this (it was about 5 words long)and it DIDN'T WORK! I QUIT!

Kitty

[This message has been edited by Kitty (edited 04-03-2001).]

Mace

04-03-2001, 09:57 PM

Originally posted by Mark IV:
For some reason, I'll bet there are lots of shoes. I think he's got a shoe thing, ol' Dave does. Brown shoes, blue shoes, those shoes that looked so nice on Judy Garland but the straps hurt his feet but he can't bear to throw them out, all kinds of shoes. Probably stacked neatly somewhere. Yup, shoes.

Yes, and perhaps David and Amanda Marcos discuss their choice of foot apparel regularly over a nice cup of tea and scones.

Iskander

04-03-2001, 09:57 PM

Originally posted by Stuka:
So this is David's house eh?
Lets see....embossed floral wallpaper, heavy rose petal curtains and gaudy dark red (again floral patterned) carpets...

Let's not forget the velour seat covers and portraits of large-eyed Latin waifs on the walls... Hell, you'd think that Shandoofus and his dorm buddies lived here - or atleast passed out here - or something...

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"Iskander, creator of The Dullest CM Game Ever" - PeterNZer

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

YK2

04-03-2001, 09:59 PM

*SINGS IN HER HUSKIEST VOICE*

Happy Birthday to you........
Happy Birthday to you.........
Happy Birthday Mr President.
(oops got carried away)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU...Have A good one love.....

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We're all just people - half of us are Model A, the rest are Model B - but that has little to do with the kind of people we are.
----------------------
David

armornut

04-03-2001, 10:02 PM

Originally posted by Mark IV:
For some reason, I'll bet there are lots of shoes. I think he's got a shoe thing, ol' Dave does. Brown shoes, blue shoes, those shoes that looked so nice on Judy Garland but the straps hurt his feet but he can't bear to throw them out, all kinds of shoes. Probably stacked neatly somewhere. Yup, shoes.

So then will all of the surfs and squires be forced to let him smell our feet to endulge his foot fetish? You may smell my feet David, but I will not let you lick them! You feet guys are always so wierd. But what do you expect from a person who comes from a place where everyone smells like dirty feet and old farts?

Lorak

04-03-2001, 10:05 PM

Oh Goody!

A scottish pommie thread. I think you should stop discussing David's shoe collection. Instead you should focus on why he insist on wearing a mini-kilt. Nice little mid-thigh number with argyle fishnets. Lovely piece of work that is.

In other news. My power is back on and I believe I got turns out to everyone that should recieve one.

Happy Birthday Pawbroon

and welcome back Kitty

Lorak the loathed

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"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats
Cesspool (http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/cesspool.html)
Combatmissionclub (http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/combatmissionclub)
and for Kitty's sake
=^..^= (http://www.fluffkitty.com)

armornut

04-03-2001, 10:11 PM

Originally posted by Lorak:
....Instead you should focus on why he insist on wearing a mini-kilt. Nice little mid-thigh number with argyle fishnets. Lovely piece of work that is.

I heard he wears it to keep in touch with his feminine side, and that it gets more customers on the corner.

[This message has been edited by armornut (edited 04-03-2001).]

Marlow

04-03-2001, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by PeterNZer:
You stunk the place up Lowbrow

And i wonder if the little ones will reply to my challenge. We shall see

PeterNZ

Speaking of challenges, we never did get around to finishing that little night/mechanized battle. Seems like you had some sort of Computer problem (probably nothing a few whacks to the operator's head couldn't fix). Since that game is apparently lost in version conversion Limbo, send me your worst.

Oh, and when I am done gutting you're rodent/squire, I'll make sure to send you what's left .
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And one more thing...can someone explain the cesspool to me? I'd go myself, but I may have another psychotic episode and beat the hell out of everyone in there too!
- Ancient query from an infant Croda

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 04-03-2001).]

04-03-2001, 10:40 PM

Aitken? AITKEN?????!!!!!!!!! http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/eek.gif

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

Stuka

04-03-2001, 10:45 PM

Wheres David gone?
Most probably off to bed. (And without washing either I'd wager. He is English after all)

Leeo

04-03-2001, 10:51 PM

Originally posted by Stuka:
Wheres David gone?
Most probably off to bed.
He can't go to bed yet. I'm not done giving his arse a good, down home, Yankee-style kicking.

armornut

04-03-2001, 10:55 PM

Originally posted by Leeo:
He can't go to bed yet. I'm not done giving his arse a good, down home, Yankee-style licking.

See, that mini-kilt works great! Another customer for you David!

Hamsters

04-03-2001, 11:02 PM

Aitken, as usual, is right in fact but wrong in execution. There is only one rule:

Z) Never let your mealy-mouthed cousin in.

Y) Never let mealy-mouthed Stevetherat off the floor.

X) Never rest until mealy-mouthed Aitken posts another in his great series of Cesspool toons. Dammit, Aitken, produce!

04-03-2001, 11:04 PM

Happy Birthday marcel......

and belatedly to you too Emma

armornut

04-03-2001, 11:09 PM

Lorak, and my honorable(or something) knight Mace;

I achieved a grand victory over Meeks;

Armronut-72
Meeks-28

I would like to thank the people who made this possible; Mace I could not have done it with out such a grand and wise knight, my mother because she gave me life, my father for the good looks, and especialy MEEKS for playing like a retarded monkey on crack.

A rematch has been sent to him, he shall have a chance to seek vengance upon my squire ass...er something.

Moriarty

04-03-2001, 11:09 PM

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
April 4th... a date which will live in infamy
http://Berlichingen.tripod.com/pawbroon.html

[This message has been edited by Berlichtingen (edited 04-03-2001).]

Great work, Berli

Always knew Marcel was a softie.

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Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? -- Oddball
Crap -- Moriarty

PeterNZer

04-03-2001, 11:10 PM

Your challenge is sent, Marlow

As for that plaquey buildup, leeo where did you borrow those bollocks from you little squire whelp? You're not fit to lick Steveboy's nuts clean as he polishes my boots! Sure he is as talented at CM as the Pope on Speed and has the tactical brilliance of a school of herring, but he's MY squire and don't you forget it laddo!

Perhaps your limited schooling in the ways of humanity has left a gapping whole where 'your place on the ladder of Peng society: how to get your head above the ooze' should have been taught, but you are a nothing, I am currently crushing your master, Stuka and i shall crush you. I think he is too busy looking in the mirror and dreaming of the days he didn't have gut to notice your indiscretions in turning down a chance to play someone who has achieved a near 3:1 win/loss ratio. Perhaps you are too scared that you won't be able to avenge the immanent topplement of your lord.

Please, Leeo, keep a tighter reign on your inner Croda, it is definitely giving you ideas above your station, which is quite clearly, subterranean.

PeterNZ

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- Official owner of the sig files of Dalem, Croda and Joe Shaw -
Der Kessel (http://www.derkessel.com) scenario design group
Combat Vision (http://combatvision.panzershark.com) movies

[This message has been edited by PeterNZer (edited 04-03-2001).]

Leeo

04-03-2001, 11:30 PM

Originally posted by PeterNZer:

As for that plaquey buildup, leeo where did you borrow those bollocks from you little squire whelp? PeterNZ

The bullocks are real, you mamby, pamby, running-scared-behind-your-faux-title excuse for a testicle transportation device. Really, if you are scared, then simply say so and I will taunt you some more, but I care not what "score" you've bought within the pool. I will kill you as you should be killed; like a small five-legged, one eyed kitten submitted for peaceful and righteous euthanasia. Now go ahead and plea to the "kinnigets of ease" that you have been wronged somehow by a newbie such as myself, but until you can find the cajones to meet me on the field of battle, you can simply Shut the pug up! Now be gone with you, you poof of a kinnigget, lest I taunt you yet again in ways you don't understand.

------------------
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there's no money!

Mace

04-04-2001, 12:21 AM

Originally posted by armornut:
Lorak, and my honorable(or something) knight Mace;

I achieved a grand victory over Meeks;

Armronut-72
Meeks-28

I would like to thank the people who made this possible; Mace I could not have done it with out such a grand and wise knight, my mother because she gave me life, my father for the good looks, and especialy MEEKS for playing like a retarded monkey on crack.

A rematch has been sent to him, he shall have a chance to seek vengance upon my squire ass...er something.

Keep up the good work squire Armornuts!

While I was a bit concerned about your absence, especially as I got stuck with all the fecking chores!!!! I am however prepared to forgive you given your fine victory and your well executed taunts.

Now be a good lad and break out fresh cat-litter, some catnip, and a warm bowl of milk. I do believe I see a Kitty lurking.

Mace

Stuka

04-04-2001, 12:29 AM

Originally posted by PeterNZer:
I am currently crushing your master, Stuka and i shall crush you.
[/B]

Hmmm, Peter you seem to have an interesting slant on reality. Sustained aerosol abuse will do that to you I suppose.
As I see it, my attack is going swimmingly. As you see it, well you can't see it can you? Thats a champion smokescreen I'm laying isn't it?
I must admit your arty is rather heavy and has frightened Colin the company dachshund. But as it is indirect and my troops are spred throughout the woods under direct company and platoon command, they are doing quite nicely thank you very much.
The worst is yet to come for you, Herr PenileNZ

armornut

04-04-2001, 12:30 AM

Originally posted by Mace:
Keep up the good work squire Armornuts!

While I was a bit concerned about your absence, especially as I got stuck with all the fecking chores!!!! I am however prepared to forgive you given your fine victory and your well executed taunts.

Now be a good lad and break out fresh cat-litter, some catnip, and a warm bowl of milk. I do believe I see a Kitty lurking.

Mace

I shall cut the catnip, milk the sheep, and make a fresh box for me lady.

I was gone due to a loss of my grandfather. He was old and bitter, and waiting for death(like many of the elderly bung-holes around here). He was really not happy here on this world, so I hope he happier where ever he may be. It is not an excuse, just an explanation, sir.

Turns and scuttles away to do his masters bidding.

David Aitken

04-04-2001, 12:34 AM

Stuka wrote:
> Lets see....embossed floral wallpaper, heavy rose petal curtains and gaudy dark red (again floral patterned) carpets.

Reminds me of my gran's house.

I have just spent several hours convincing myself that the world would be a better place without computers. As such, normal operations are on hold until I have spent several more hours unconscious.

PBEM Semi-Update

Leeo is unfortunately still exhibiting vital signs. I shall examine the damage more closely tomorrow.

Now I really am going to bed. Have fun!

Mark IV

04-04-2001, 12:36 AM

Marcel, a birthday? Damn, I thought I killed him twice before and he keeps coming back.

Is it a coincidence that today's headline is

France Overrun By Giant Frogs (http://start.earthlink.net/AL/T?add=1&id=&url=http://x.go.com/cgi/x.pl%3Fgoto%3Dhttp%3a%2f%2fwww.abcnews.go.com%2fse ctions%2fworld%2fDailyNews%2ffrance010403_bullfrog s.html%2 6name%3DEarthlink%26srvc%3Dnws) ?

If all the French had his spirit, German trains would be running late now.

[This message has been edited because HTML is stupid, not me. It's a good story so go find it your own damn selves, as if I need to wait on you lot hand and foot anyway]

[This message has been edited by Mark IV (edited 04-03-2001).]

armornut

04-04-2001, 12:37 AM

I have to publicly thank Kitty for her mod. I am using it to beat the crap out of that Croda kid. If I win, the victory is due to the excellence of the mod, not my superior tactics or even Croda's crappy play. I will have to be in her debt, if I win. Though, Croda seems to not want me to find out what happend in the game, as he has yet to send me the turn he owes me. Leave it to a leigon of numb-nuts to mess up sending an email!

[This message has been edited by armornut (edited 04-03-2001).]

David Aitken

04-04-2001, 12:37 AM

Since when was R.E.M. a power pop band?

armornut

04-04-2001, 12:39 AM

Originally posted by David Aitken:
Since when was R.E.M. a power pop band?

Since when was R.E.M. any good at all?

Stuka

04-04-2001, 12:40 AM

Ahh, 'Old & Bitter', thats the way to be. I mean, it works for Seanarchooey doesn't it?

Stuka

04-04-2001, 12:44 AM

Go to bed David, your Winnie the Pooh pajamas are calling you........

Stuka

04-04-2001, 12:46 AM

Not to mention your Thomas the tank engine night cap and the Telly Tubby hot water bottle.......

armornut

04-04-2001, 12:49 AM

Originally posted by Stuka:
Not to mention your Thomas the tank engine night cap and the Telly Tubby hot water bottle.......

And the gay porn........you ever see a happy porn? Or is what the Telly Tubby hot water bottle for?

[This message has been edited by armornut (edited 04-03-2001).]

[This message has been edited by armornut (edited 04-03-2001).]

Mace

04-04-2001, 01:01 AM

Originally posted by Stuka:
Ahh, 'Old & Bitter', thats the way to be. I mean, it works for Seanarchooey doesn't it?

and Joe Shaw, and JD, and Lawyer...

btw, Stuka, working hard, or hardly working?

Stuka

04-04-2001, 01:05 AM

On lunch, so bite me.
And no I don't mean that literally!

Hamsters

04-04-2001, 01:21 AM

Yes, its true, Armornut defeated us. We went and chose an AVRE and a Croc and a Firefly. Armornut, naturally, purchased a Panther, a King Tiger and a company of Gebirgjagers (Yes, Mountain troops often had KT and Panther support). So, in the immortal words of OGSF:

'Aye, ye'll likely win this one. Much as a fat boy wi' a baseball bat can manage tae kill a frog ain a bucket. Ye'll prolly get a medal an' all.'

Tosser.

Stuka

04-04-2001, 01:36 AM

How about sending me a turn, Hammy old germ.
I don't care which psuedonym send it, anyone will do (except Harpooner)

armornut

04-04-2001, 01:50 AM

Originally posted by Hamsters:
Yes, its true, Armornut defeated us. We went and chose an AVRE and a Croc and a Firefly. Armornut, naturally, purchased a Panther, a King Tiger and a company of Gebirgjagers (Yes, Mountain troops often had KT and Panther support)
Tosser.

You are a liar! I had not a King Tiger! I had Panther and two Hotchkiss's. You really are a twit, you know. I mean you cannot even take a beating like a man. The Panther was a special M version. It had spikes in the tracks, and could climb moutains. Never heard of it? Well, it was very rare. http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/biggrin.gif

dalem

04-04-2001, 01:59 AM

Well Pengy chilluns, I am in a fine mood - tonight I finally dragged my lazy buns down to the dojo after FAR too long and broke an honest sweat on the mats. Since I'm so pleased with myself I'll reward JsHandjob with the rematch he reminded me I was yapping about nine or so threads back.

Normally I'd claim a headache as an excuse to keep his gamey hands off of me, but to be honest I don't think I'll notice anything no matter how busy he thinks he is, so do your worst, grog-boy!

-Charley Horse

Berlichtingen

04-04-2001, 02:18 AM

Berlichtingen

04-04-2001, 02:29 AM

Reminder to self:
Self, don't read the main board, it will piss you off

Elvis

04-04-2001, 02:30 AM

Wankers.

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

Elvis

04-04-2001, 02:33 AM

David...I liked the REM reference before I even clicked to come into our new thread...and I had forgotten about the Shoes. They were good. If Napster wasn't immoral I would go now and pull up some of their songs.

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"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

OGSF

04-04-2001, 02:43 AM

"OGSF has fallen. After commiting one of the silliest wastes of a platoon that I have ever seen he then when on to fight me with more skill than most 5 year olds. A near perfect assault by me was too much for this young man. - Elvis"

Wha' a tosser! At behooves mae tae point oot, tha' by tha time tha gamey AI decided tae auto surrender, Ah was aboot tae launch mae wicked counter-attack and crush tha mewling bog dweller lak a frog ain a bucket!

Tha numbers taell tha story, ye gimpy Jimmy humper....

Axis (bloody mae): 147 casualties, 30 killed, 21 captured, 9 ok - total 177 heroes

Allies (feckin haim): 140 casualties, 43 killed, 112 okay - 252 wankers

An' tha gamey A.I., which hea has obviously managed tae recode, gives haim a "tactical victory".

Ah were runnin' aboot tha place wi' mae vaunted Hetzer, blowin' tha snot oot o' any an' every than' he owned (when Oberfarter McGoo cud aim straight).

Ah wuz robbed by a fat boy wi' a baseball bat!!

Mensch ya useless streak o' lukewarm ferret poo, mah email tae yoo keeps failin'. Ah'll keep tryin'.

Rest o' ye bastards turns comin' slowly - school started again last night.

Bastaaarrds.

Sir MacOberGrupenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

Mace

04-04-2001, 02:51 AM

Macey's update (as if you care anyhow):

Elvis: I admire this Knight’s spirit, bereft of most of his armour and serfs he continues to fight on regardless while yelling “it is only a mere flesh wound”. This is a man of great bravery (or stupidity) and of reading his last post, excellent musical taste, and I for one will be proud to hang his head from a prime viewing location in the Den.

Stuka: This is an unofficial game that will not be counted (fortunately for Stuka). A mixed lot of Mace/Kitty Waffen SS rifle and Pioneer troops supported by 251s, Armoured Cars, and PzKpfw IVs, storm entrenched positions and pull on Stuka’s Red Devil ears.

As a result, Stuka and his forces are now running home yelling “mummy, mummy….they are being meeeeaaaaannnnn!” owing to certain sensitivities about large listening flaps.

Speedy: “We have only just begun…”. Karen Carpenter once sang these immortal words. She’s dead now and hopefully soon, so will he be (lots)!

Btw did I mention this is one of Rune’s pieces of diabolical evilness?

jd: What can I say, this Knight is gaminess incarnate for his victories! I refuse to play him any longer until we start another game.

Joe Shaw: I must admit, this very small game being viewed from ground level only is very interesting. It’s a shame though that my opponent isn’t as interesting!

Sir OGSF: I worry about this Knight, it seems he fancies himself as a bit of a scout leader, grouping his pack of Scouts into a tight little bunch and marching them hither and yon through the country side admiring the scenery and learning about field craft.

Yeh, right! He wears a kilt/dress and he wants to lead scouts! Why does this suggest “Sicko” or “Perv”?

Peng: This blood hamster will be finished one day…but not within the next 20 years given the frequency of turnaround! I look forward to celebrating the release of CM-Virtual Reality V937989.6 with a victory against Peng.

Chucky6: mongrel makes me march across a gigantic map then does a runner from the pool and stops sending me turns! I demand a victory against him for my effort.

Now some of you low-lives owe me setups (ahem Lorak, Dorkfunnel), and some of you low-lives don’t.

What’s the difference? Nothing, you’re still all low-lives.

Mace

*Captain Foobar*

04-04-2001, 04:03 AM

What! another new Peng? Swell-tastic!!Piss off, all of you. More news at 11.

Oh, and Joe, you're a no-good dumbo nothing.

Mace

04-04-2001, 05:09 AM

Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:
What! another new Peng? Swell-tastic!!Piss off, all of you. More news at 11.

Oh, and Joe, you're a no-good dumbo nothing.

Stop your giddam singing and send me a setup, Foo(l)!

harpooner

04-04-2001, 06:58 AM

STUKA--Aww, did I offend your delicate widdle sensiblities? Po' 'iddle baby, let me try again.

You seem like the type of anal-retentive poi-for-brains mucker who stays at home stuffing envelopes for a living while you gripe to your mum about the declining quality of the programing on daytime network television.

My rapier wit has diced up more brave men than you could count up on ten abaci...brillient men who could have predicted the moment of your final postal implosion down to the exact nano-second.

Take some Ex-lax before all of your feces backs up into your cranial cavity and sends you careening down the road in an orgiastic fit of blind, querulous wailing. Your sad commentaries fade into dust beside my viperine vituperations.

Get out in the sun and get a bit of excercise before you ossify, Mac. I can smell your brain atrophying from over here. It's the flagitious fragrance of the brain-dead.

You would surely wilt before tasting the mettle of my most sanguine rant. My sublime soliloquy of enmity would only zoom past your tiny two-watt transistor of a brain. I could leave you gasping for rejoinder like a toad in a bucket struck by a fat man with a baseball bat. Pick on an entity with a wattage close to your own...like a chronically inbred brontasaurus whelp.

Churlish knave! you are not worhty of the skewer of Ahab's shish-kabab. You would assuredly go down faster than a pint of warm Guiness in the hand of a Kiwi rugger prop.

If you grow tired of hitting home-runs in the tee-ball league, I may deign to school you in the manly arts. You won't last too long in fast-pitch, son. Molten pixelated lead shells are hard to field, especially by puss-dribbling, feltch-sucking, donkey-shagging wankers like yourself.

Take up the gauntlet or suffer the ignominy of knowing your true place in the new pecking order, Private.

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"So be cheery, my lads, let your hearts never fail,
While the bold harpooner is striking the whale!" -Nantucket Song

harpooner

04-04-2001, 07:02 AM

I know, I know, I spelled brilliant wrong...laugh if you must

I gotta stop posting at 2:00AM...I'm going to get myself into trouble like this.

----------------------------------------------------->

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"So be cheery, my lads, let your hearts never fail,
While the bold harpooner is striking the whale!" -Nantucket Song

mensch

04-04-2001, 07:51 AM

well well.. challange huh? looking at the roster of knigits.. I see the sorry arsed MATT has not even played a game.. I challange his baldness to a battle... but I expect him not to accept. Why well two reasons
1) he's bald.. and bald people are just plain funny to laugh at so I'll be laughing at him anyway.
2) if he could not update a website in 3 days I don't expect him to be able to set up his troops in that time.
C) he stinks like a 1000 year old hackiesac stored in the underwear of a over worked sumo wrestler.
IV) he's a coward and plays with his little sisters Ken doll, dressing him up in that "summer S&M collection" he has been bragging about for the last four days

yup the challange is out to MOOT MATT, the pimple on Steves Butt... come on boy you scared of a little pain.. no wait you like S&M hmmm.. you my "SIR" are nothing but a Pengthread lurker whos has nothing better to do then pick on newbies who say "buttmuncher". Pick up thy trusty CMBO CD and place it in the CD Drive prepare for the worse you Nitt!

Feh! he most likely will not see this since he only comes in here when some one says "tittle your titties" or "wank my wanger".. or to lock it up... feh! I say! FEH!

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

harpooner

04-04-2001, 08:03 AM

ACK, ACK, FEH SPLUTTER BLECH!!! A POX ON ALL YOUR HOUSES!!

FREE SCOOBIE SNACKS FOR ALL WHO BEAT ME...DELIVERED BY MY VOLUPTUOUS BLONDE GYMNAST/YOGA INSTRUCTOR GIRLFRIEND! (AND A TWOMP OF N CAL PRIMO HYDRO INDICA COLAS THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE)

you are a mewling puss-spewing flagellant tosser if you don't email me an ME setup!

BWa-ha-ha Bwa-ha-ha...I have the renowned and feared Meeks kibitzing (interfering actually) over my shoulder. You are doomed! DOOMED! I say! Bwa-ha-ha Bwa-ha-ha Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

---------------------------------->

------------------

[This message has been edited by harpooner (edited 04-04-2001).]

mensch

04-04-2001, 08:07 AM

Originally posted by harpooner:

FREE SCOOBIE SNACKS FOR ALL WHO BEAT ME...DELIVERED BY MY VOLUPTUOUS BLONDE GYMNAST/YOGA INSTRUCTOR GIRLFRIEND! (AND A TWOMP OF N CAL PRIMO HYDRO INDICA COLAS THROWN IN FOR GOOD MEASURE)

deal.. you keep the scoopy snacks.. and just send act photos of your girlfriend if you loose to me!! nothing less. no artistic stuff just plain smut photos. your challange has been accepted.. for our moderator I choose that fat bastard OGSF to make the setup map for both of us... why? well he can't speak english which is good, he has at least four teeth in his mouth that are still good but black'n every day... and hes a nut.

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

harpooner

04-04-2001, 08:22 AM

Challenge accepted, Mensch. And I will deliver your reward if you win. Make all the neccesary arrangements.

I'll play on a mud-swamp island archipelago in the snow and fog. I know no fear. I am THE HARPOONER1 (AKA Meeks' cousin. I am not him, in fact I hate hamsters.)

Your topplement shall bring my greater glory Teutonic Knave.

-------------------------------------------->

mensch

04-04-2001, 09:41 AM

Originally posted by harpooner:

I am THE HARPOONER1 (AKA Meeks' cousin. I am not him, in fact I hate hamsters.)

oh.. a meeks family member.. win is given to me! whohoo... you sappy meekess make me laugh.. might as well send the pictures now and save you the trouble of loosing bad... better yet home videos of the lass would be good too.. make sure they are in PAL format.

Stuka

04-04-2001, 11:37 AM

Originally posted by harpooner:
[b]STUKA--Aww, did I offend your delicate widdle sensiblities?

Some sort of self exploratory, post masturbatory drivel that still won't get a game from me.

I am Meeks, hear me roar.

Nice try fat boy, but it ain't gonna work.
I yawn in your general direction.

Wolfcub

04-04-2001, 11:47 AM

whats with all these bloody stupid peng threads eh?

stevetherat

04-04-2001, 11:56 AM

Feck the hell off, you abandoned furless mongrel. Read the fecking first post.

Marlow

04-04-2001, 12:00 PM

whats with all these bloody stupid questions about the peng threads eh?

Hamsters

04-04-2001, 03:19 PM

Stuka, as we says to Aitkenses, if you's hads any sense, you'd have resent us the last turn, as is your requirement, being as how you live in the penal (Sit down, Mace!) colony and we lives in the lands of the free and such. And make it snappy, you wanker.

Speedy

04-04-2001, 04:19 PM

Look a wolf,
quick KILL IT, KILL IT!!!

Mark IV

04-04-2001, 05:08 PM

Originally posted by Speedy:
Look a wolf,
quick KILL IT, KILL IT!!!

Nah, just a cub. Maybe we can tame it and train it as a hundminen. Or just set it on fire and chuck it into the main board.

harpooner

04-04-2001, 05:55 PM

Originally posted by Stuka:
Nice try fat boy, but it ain't gonna work.
I yawn in your general direction.

[b]Stuka--You make me puke! You sniveling, bollocks-sniffing, cowardly, no-load, pea-for-brains worshipper of French military culture.

Your perdition cannot bring me much in the way of glory at this point. What glory is there in annihilating the weak and unsavvy? How can one take pleasure in the molesting of a half-wit?

You must have been still-born, or struck too hard at birth, or perhaps you are the placenta itself trying to formulate thought on the forums without the benefit of a brain? It would seem so....

It takes more than the simplistic mewlings of an inbred twit to pique my ire. I can tell already that you are not worthy of my lightest dander, but the lads must be told!

All must hear of your pathetic and shameful cowardice! I will hound you and taunt you endlessly, until blood drips out of your ears like the thin gruel we all see spread on the pages of your posts.

My little sister has bested better men than you appear to be, and she doesn't eat meat! She's a vegetarian! You should be relegated to the backwaters of gamedom for your ignorance of the ways of honor.

Maybe that's how they do it in Australia, but here in the real world (not some backwards-ass third-world country on the edge of the hinterlands of Mesopotamia) we act like manly men. We rise to challenges like warriors.

You see the sword of Damocles poised over your head, ready to lop it off, who can blame you for fleeing in terror like a base WWII Italian static troop militaman. I can! And I will!

You, my good sir, are a putz and a dweeb, and you lick Gollums feet with your sad drivel. Your juvenile retorts leave me gasping in astonishment at their simplemindedness.

Really, stop wanking, go catch a 'roo or a dingo or something and throw it on the barby. Eat something that will put some hair on your chest and make you grow some cajones. No juevos aqui, hombres.

Maybe he's a hermaphrodite or something.

------------------
"So be cheery, my lads, let your hearts never fail,
While the bold harpooner is striking the whale!" -Nantucket Song

Hamsters

04-04-2001, 05:57 PM

Originally posted by harpooner:
What glory is there in annihilating the weak and unsavvy? How can one take pleasure in the molesting of a half-wit?

Quite easily, sir.

Lawyer

04-04-2001, 06:35 PM

Originally posted by Hamsters:
Quite easily, sir.

Great God in Heaven, Meeks is now debating with himself on the forum. What is the next installment of the "Seven Faces of Meeks"?

------------------

Consigliori to the Stars

David Aitken

04-04-2001, 07:08 PM

armornut wrote:
> Since when was R.E.M. any good at all?

Did anyone say they were? Or were you just looking for an excuse to offer a witless put-down?

Stuka wrote:
> Go to bed David, your Winnie the Pooh pajamas are calling you........

> Not to mention your Thomas the tank engine night cap and the Telly Tubby hot water bottle.......

How do you know about those? You've been watching me undress, haven't you?

armornut wrote:
> And the gay porn........you ever see a happy porn? Or is what the Telly Tubby hot water bottle for?

I think that belongs to Stuka...

------------------
"Compared to the European armies, Americans had a permissive view toward the authority of doctrine and considered blind obedience to doctrine a vice, not a virtue." –*Michael Doubler's "Closing With The Enemy" in brief

Marlow

04-04-2001, 07:32 PM

Originally posted by David Aitken:
"Compared to the European armies, Americans had a permissive view toward the authority of doctrine and considered blind obedience to doctrine a vice, not a virtue." – Michael Doubler's "Closing With The Enemy" in brief

"One of the serious problems in planning against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine." - anon. (from a Soviet military document)

Mace

04-04-2001, 09:35 PM

Originally posted by harpooner:

Maybe that's how they do it in Australia, but here in the real world (not some backwards-ass third-world country on the edge of the hinterlands of Mesopotamia) we act like manly men. We rise to challenges like warriors.

Harpooner,

Just some quick points:

i) We Aussies would like to have a battle of wits with you, but it's obvious you're not equipped.

ii) Stuka may be a drooling idiot, but he's an Aussie drooling idiot, and thus far more intellectualy capable than yourself.

Now please go away and grow some brain cells!

Mace

armornut

04-04-2001, 09:54 PM

Harpooner, is that your name, or what you have to do to get a date?

I have a hard time listening to someone make fun of Austraila when they live in Mexico's sister state California. Where you born there in Santa Cruz? If so you have been exposed to toxic water, air,food,and people for your whole life. It shows to, the way you ramble on like a kid with a new dictionary.

Me, I am forced to live here. I have chosen to get as far a way from huge populations of retarded monkeys as possible, but it hard. You see I am a psychologist, and they are forced to be where the crazy people are, that would be Mexic...er I mean California.

So keep posting your mindless drivel, it lets me know I will have a job for a long time.

Thank you for your support.

Leeo

04-04-2001, 10:35 PM

Originally posted by harpooner:

I'm a frickin' idjit who has just learned to post

Duuuuuuuddde, where's your brain? Uh huh huh, snicker snicker. So like, your really starting to harsh my mellow, man. The world is full of enough pretentious genitalia without you sticking your microscopic member in our collective ear. Uh-huh huh. Why don't you just bugger off to Humboldt county, Duuuuuuuuuuude, and chatter at some of them squirrels in the redwoods. At least then you'd be talkin' with someone at your owne level, dude. You know, it's kinda like you suck, but then on a whole other level, there are layers of suckiness in you that I can't even grok, man. Just chill a little, and like, let your harsh brain-waves(like you had any, huh, uhhuh-huh) wash over the pool in a natural, organic manner. DUUuuude! You suck, man! Move along to somewhere that gives it up for the man, you pig-yearning, overly-zealous freak of nature. Whoa, man, I think I'm startin' to peak.

So, as I've told you before, Bugger off you serf piss-boy wannabe.

------------------
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there's no money!

[This message has been edited by Leeo (edited 04-04-2001).]

*Captain Foobar*

04-05-2001, 12:32 AM

Mace,

I cannot send you a setup for the following reasons.

1) As I understand the rules, I cannot play against kniggits until I have won my squire's challenge. I will surely destroy Roborat eventually, but it will take a while.

2) That was plain said. You didnt even taunt or insult me. You gotta wine me and dine me a little.

3) You didnt even mention parameters or anything.

This leads me to believe that you said "send me a setup", the way L.A. slimeballs say "let's do lunch". Your kind make me puke. Piss off.

Lorak

04-05-2001, 12:48 AM

Tome Update,

Armornut-win
Meeks-loss

Ahh and now for another boring update from me...The Lorak.

Moriarty...Umm, I have just ran out of things to say about this lovely Berli map. Basically we just run around and shoot at anything that moves.

Iskander... I have never seen a more gamey use of artillery in my life. Like the allies really ever used it.

GiTom... One turn to go, and I believe I'll have to add another loss to my record. I will add it in protest since he used the gamey tactic of holding the flags.

Mace... Just started a lovely little wild bill scenario called "watch Lorak weep". Should be exciting!

Croda... We haven't really started, but I am defending indefensive terrain. Obviously Gamey as I can feel my inner Croda sending out spy reports when I sleep.

Hakko... still in prison....

Thats about all you unwashed wretches.

Lorak the loathed

------------------
"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats
Cesspool (http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/cesspool.html)
Combatmissionclub (http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/combatmissionclub)
and for Kitty's sake
=^..^= (http://www.fluffkitty.com)

Stuka

04-05-2001, 01:01 AM

Don't you get it people?
There is no harpooner.
Its just Meeks. Little,teeny,tiny befuddled old Meeks. Pretending to be someone else pretending to be a friend of Meeks. Sad isn't it?
The real Meeks is the one in the tartan hotpants and leather muscle shirt, who pretended to go to the North pole to find love with a polar bear. Sure he found love but it wasn't the dreamy eyed, hold me close in the morning kind of love that he was seeking. No siree, it was all hard, fast, savage love with lots of knashing teeth, tufts of white fur and a bear like grip on Meek's shoulders.
After the stitches had healed 'Hamsters came along. Again this was just Meeks in a hamster costume, the same one he was made to wear during his stay at the state correctional institution. Even the hole the inmates made in the seat of the costume is still there.
Now there is Hardspooner and no prizes for guessing that its our old heterophobe, Meeks again. This time he's dropped the hamster suit and its mommy's underwear he's donned while feverously pounding away at himself in front of the keyboard. You have to admire the lad. The fact that mommy is still wearing the duds at the same time fazes him not a jot.

She even helps him by holding the dictionary so he can get the big words right.

Forever Babra

04-05-2001, 01:37 AM

Bloody email server is all fecked up again. No turns for any of you slack and idle bags. Not that I would have sent one anyway.

You all blow.

------------------
"Good for burn infantry. WERY cheap!"

David Aitken

04-05-2001, 01:48 AM

PBEM Report

My battle with Leeo has plummeted into chaos, with men panicking and dying in the darkness and the rain. And that's even before the enemy joins in.

Meeks started our latest engagement with a terrain disadvantage. Despite my men displaying their finest aptitude to sitting around and taking pot shots from a safe distance, he is now in control of one VL. That said, he has dropped approximately 36,041 shells on my positions, exacting the horrendous toll of 2 casualties.

Germanboy has apparently been detained by the police or some such, and is not currently able to send turns. I don't know what's happened to Elvis, maybe I should resend his turn, but That Would Be Too Clever™.

Elvis

04-05-2001, 01:55 AM

David (and chrisl) I received your turns last night but they were goofy again..rather than asking you to resend only to figure out why they are goofy before you have a chance to resend I have elected to figure them out. However at the moment I am waiting for Peng to finish setting up his massive defenses for a TCP/IP game we are about to start. So I may not send them until the morning and if the weather is as nice as I am told it will be then it won't be until after 18 holes of golf. I prefer to make your death slow and painful.

------------------
"When they finally put you in the ground..I'll stand on your grave and tramp the dirt down" Elvis Costello

DekeFentle

04-05-2001, 02:07 AM

I believe the proper way to start this is to direct Lorak to pay attention. Hey Lorak you toady scribe, WAKE UP!!

I have been crushed by the horde of rodentia. Hamsters has forced me to consume his droppings. No other way to look at it unless of course you all want to be regaled with his gamey use of AT guns that stripped me of all armor support inside of three turns.

Hamsters I still say that any attempt to delineate your ignorant, insufferable inadequacies would be lost upon the neurological debacle between your ears, but I do bow to your victory.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

------------------
Winning is why we play!

Lorak

04-05-2001, 02:17 AM

and so it is done.

Whuppin' boy-loss
Meeks-win

Lorak the loathed

------------------
"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking."--William Butler Yeats
Cesspool (http://www.geocities.com/lrmcgarvey/cesspool.html)
Combatmissionclub (http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/combatmissionclub)
and for Kitty's sake
=^..^= (http://www.fluffkitty.com)

Mace

04-05-2001, 02:36 AM

Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:
Your kind make me puke. Piss off.

Send me your vomit then and I'll play that, it would not only be a more challenging opponent than yourself, but I think a lot more pleasing to the eye.

Btw, when a Knight says jump....

Mace

chrisl

04-05-2001, 03:07 AM

Originally posted by harpooner:

Maybe he's a hermaphrodite or something.

You Meekses ought to know all about hermaphrodites, since Elijah and his sister seem to be one.

Anyway, you seem to be quite as insane as the rest of the family, and at least as annoying. I will take you as my squire and sponsor your attempts to get battles and achieve kniggethood in the pool. I would recommend that you single out Oleeo and obliterate his grease stain of an existence. I will supply a battle if necessary.

------------------
"I HATE THIS GAME, YOU AND THIS SCENARIO" -jd

Leeo

04-05-2001, 03:22 AM

Originally posted by chrisl:
harpooner, I will grab my ankles before thee if thou can only beat in decorous combat that lovely squire of the hour, Leeo

Oh, chrisl? Piss-off, you lurking molester of new flesh! You really make me sick. Not only have you not the guts to challenge me directly, you also lack the brains to figure out that no piss-boy with half a cerebellum would have you as his liege. All of the serfs scurry from the thought of gaining the attentions of your trembling, waxy hand, and leering, red-rimmed eye. Now dawdle off to molest the unprotected schoolboys playing in the sandboxes of your weak, enfeebled little mind. Wanker. (That was in honor of Elvis, who has at least had the guts to meet me directly on the field of battle, as opposed to the malodorous, pale and pathetic mewling pleadings of chrisl).

------------------
It is better to spend money like there's no tomorrow
than to spend tonight like there's no money!

*Captain Foobar*

04-05-2001, 03:26 AM

Btw, when a Knight says jump....

Mace

Well, you finally got an insult in there...

Now we just need a ruling from the higherarchy. Lorak, am I allowed to play this excrement, whilst still locked in my deadly squire challenge?

chrisl

04-05-2001, 03:29 AM

Originally posted by Leeo:
I'm an annoying newbie.

Who said anything about decorous combat? I was thinking something bloody and destructive, degenerating into hair pulling, eye gouging, and the spitting of broken teeth at one another. The two of you would be quite entertaining to watch in the arena.

------------------
'Aye, ye'll likely win this one. Much as a fat boy wi' a baseball bat can manage tae kill a frog ain a bucket. Ye'll prolly get a medal an' all.' - OGSF

chrisl

04-05-2001, 03:35 AM

Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:
Well, you finally got an insult in there...

Now we just need a ruling from the higherarchy. Lorak, am I allowed to play this excrement, whilst still locked in my deadly squire challenge?

You idiot. He's making up the rules as he goes along, just like the rest of us. It's in the rules right here (thumbs through old GI:AOV rulebook)"264.3.14159 Squires with the name Foobar or Fubar who are also destined never to become full fledged kniggets of the cesspool are allowed to fight sheep loving aussies and kiwis as long as they lie about at least two parameters of the setup".

There you have it. Send him a setup as long as you lie about two of the parameters.

------------------
'Aye, ye'll likely win this one. Much as a fat boy wi' a baseball bat can manage tae kill a frog ain a bucket. Ye'll prolly get a medal an' all.' - OGSF

[This message has been edited by chrisl (edited 04-05-2001).]

Stuka

04-05-2001, 03:52 AM

Originally posted by David Aitken:
Germanboy has apparently been detained by the police or some such, and is not currently able to send turns.

GameyBoy thought he heard his inner Croda mutter "gamey" and has disappeared up his own bung hole in a frenzied attempt to have it out with the little critter.
Thats why no-one has heard from him.

Moriarty

04-05-2001, 04:30 AM

Roight, an update then.

Chuppy has been merrily shooting up anything that moves. He's just waiting to hoist my ineptly led forces by their own leeo-tards.

Berlinktinkywinky is in true gamey fashion running his troops out of the buildings before I blow them up. Not very sporting. Lots of big boomie things going on. He has executed some very nice ambush thingies ... much to the chagrin of my armor.

Blousemouse is resorting to deviously gamey tactics. Large map, large points, few turns. My valiant pommies will continue to eviscerate his blatantly hysterical use of fallschirmgerbils with pointy things.

Geier is continuing to gut my feeble forces. He will learn a lot about how not to fight in a city. He should pay me for the lessons.

Goanna, the sneaky, globetrotting lizard, slid his way into Chicago for about 35 seconds, leaving a message at work, before skedaddling out of town ... must be a portent of the skewering I shall give his feldgraus after he stops brewing up my armor.

Lorak, to the best of my knowledge, is merrily blowing his own guys up with all sorts of things that go boom in the night. Interesting tactic.

Senility is slowly making his way across the winter playground that the pseudoCanuck loves so much. Just can't get enough snow, y'know. Mebbe everyone should send him a winter scenario. He most generously paraded what appears to be a Crommie and another light armor thingy out so I could get the right range for my guns. Very considerate, old chap.

PushBroom, you're on deck if you're up for another tussle. I'm thinking a game with lots of speedy, cheap armor thingies and sturdy troops. What say you?

TTFN

------------------
Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change? -- Oddball
Crap -- Moriarty

Abbott

04-05-2001, 04:44 AM

Whats with all these Peng threads anyway dudes?

Yea and whats it take to get Owija Meeks or his pet hamster to return a turn?

And like this thread sucks baad.

Whoooaaa look at the colors..

harpooner

04-05-2001, 05:44 AM

Too busy leading a hectic life to taunt you a second time.

You should realize that there are people out here who actually are literate and that don't need the aid of reference books to blow your very limited vocabularies out of the water like a 15-inch shell hitting a dinghy.

Try reading, fellas. It will open up brave new worlds for you.

There are more words than cum-pyoot-ur, ya know.

One would have to guess not from the recent level of discourse around here...

Also, it appears that Assies (ooops, I mean Aussies, forgive my poor spelling, please) have a masturbatory fixation, as all of their taunts seem to go back to that juvenile, hackneyed theme. Grow a volcabulary churlish knaves.

Lastly, STUKA rides a jet black tricycle, and sucks his thumb.

All in good fun, criminally illiterate, backward reprobates.

;)

I would taunt you more, but I have to keep up on my dozen+ pbem's, none of which involve the Peng posse, yet, but you'll get your comeuppance soon enough. Meeks is schooling me up.

Now....I guess it's time to get back to the simpleton's 3rd grade level insults...have at...

------------------------------->

------------------
"So be cheery, my lads, let your hearts never fail,
While the bold harpooner is striking the whale!" -Nantucket Song

[This message has been edited by harpooner (edited 04-05-2001).]

Mace

04-05-2001, 07:39 AM

Originally posted by harpooner:
Now....I guess it's time to get back to the simpleton's 3rd grade level insults

What?!!!

Don't tell us you failed yet another year?

mensch

04-05-2001, 10:50 AM

<center>Mud Matt = Coward</center>

<center>you git</center>

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

Stuka

04-05-2001, 11:00 AM

Its his 17th attempt...what a zoob.

Croda

04-05-2001, 11:25 AM

The Academy Award Winning Nefarious Legion of Croda, Inc. would like to take this opportuinty to annouce its utter Crodification of the former Hairy Obeast. The little bugger had trouble getting into turn number two, and lost by a score of 99 to 1. Some would say we did well to score 99 points. We would question how the gamey bastard scored any points at all.

Nevertheless, he has paid for trifling with the Legion.

As for the foolish Harpooner, he is obviously not Hamsters. Take a look and see who had been posting vast amounts of drivel in the past thread and has since disappeared, only to be replaced by a new moron posting vast amounts of drivel. Yes, Harpooner is Joe Shaw, I am sure of it. The scary thing is that Shaw is Meeks' cousing. Ewwwwww.

------------------
Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

You are quite correct, but sniper is an easier term to use than 'Semi-regular soldier hiding out and shooting enemies unawares.' - wwb_99

The New CessPool (http://pub51.ezboard.com/fworldoftauntingfrm1)

I AM CRODA, ENEMY OF THE SCIENTIFIC PROCESS, EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS AND REPRODUCTIVE PROCESS. PETERNZ OWNS MY SIG FILE AND MY MEAGRE SOUL: ANY REASONABLE OFFER ACCEPTED

Iskander

04-05-2001, 11:30 AM

Originally posted by mensch:

<center>Mud Matt = Coward</center>
<center>you git</center>

Kee-rist, mensch, if you can lose to me, of all "people", in three turns, why do you think MrTwitchyLockinThingy will bother at all?

Oh, and I still haven't finshed that report of the Australian breakout of Mace-in-Sheep, but, just like him, it's coming soon.

------------------
"Iskander, creator of The Dullest CM Game Ever" - PeterNZer

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

mensch

04-05-2001, 12:08 PM

Originally posted by Iskander:
if you can lose to me,

ex squeeze me? par don moi? Fie Bitte? lost to you?? you been breathing in your wifes armpit aromas? were still playing you parsley stuffing fish maggot! I think you better take some of my mediction... your starting even to scar me with your statements.

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

Iskander

04-05-2001, 12:18 PM

Originally posted by mensch:
ex squeeze me? par don moi? Fie Bitte? lost to you?? ...! I think you better take some of my mediction...

Details, details... living amongst the Hun has made you anal retentive: let's say this then: you effectively lost to me by the end of the third turn; everything since has been me mopping up and you rushing about gamily.

Better now? Good. Now be a charming fellow and send me some of those meds; my bourbon stash is running low this week --

------------------
"Iskander, creator of The Dullest CM Game Ever" - PeterNZer

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

mensch

04-05-2001, 12:23 PM

dear Tiskemander,

never dance on the fat ladys butt till she belched out that chicken bone!.. you count your chicken feathers before they are plucked huh?

well I reckon I'll save two rocks by throwing that bird at you.. you see my fair lady... I let you think you have lost!

BTW my meds, first are free.. give some to your friends.. tell them I am here if they need some more.

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

Agua Perdido

04-05-2001, 12:57 PM

Originally posted by Croda:
Yes, Harpooner is Joe Shaw, I am sure of it.

Croda, you brainless prat, every idjit on this thread knows that Joe Shaw's alter-ego is yours truly, not that annoying dullard Harpooner. Heck, Joe even pointed it out himself (in an attempt to divert suspicion) in his response to my first post back on the Kinder, More Gentler Cess thread.

Originally posted by Leeo:
Duuuuuuddde...

Heh. Ehhheeeehhheheeh. Heh. Dude.

UPDATES!

Speaking of Leeo, we're finally getting to the pointy and boomy bits in our little tussle. Minor infantry action in the middle, desultory exchange of tank fire (if me shooting at his Hetzer a few times then wandering off in disgust while his TC wonders what's exploding next to him may be termed an "exchange") and spastic artillery fire (mine because my FO seems to be letting his inner Croda read the map, Leeo's because he's using rockets).

My valiant 'zook team has finally destroyed the last of Seanachai's armor. After missing with its first six shots at <100m, the team broke under DF HE. It recovered a few turns later and returned to connect with its last two shots, knocking out the big bully after it learned to believe in itself. There's an important lesson there, but I'm not sure what it is, maybe "hit 'em on the eeeeeeennd" or "buy low, sell high" or somefink. Anyhow, my valiant line of crews and MG jeeps continues to hold his gamey attack force at bay. It's not over yet though: he's got a reserve platoon out there somewhere that I haven't seen yet (reserves! talk about gamey!).

Poor DekeFentle... You'd almost feel sorry for the pounding he's taking if he weren't a contemptable lowlife whose skull I am happily crushing veerrrryyy slowwwllly in a bench vise while playing the books-on-tape version of The Complete Works of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings (read by Eudora Welty).

Croda is whining about me having more men than him or somefink. Return my fecking file, you over-torqued lugnut!

stevetherat seems to have confused "attack" with "play hide and seek." He also seems to have set the timer at only 20 turns, so let's get on a move on, sparky. Chop chop!

Agua Perdido

------------------
Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

chrisl

04-05-2001, 01:40 PM

Originally posted by Croda:

As for the foolish Harpooner, he is obviously not Hamsters. Yes, Harpooner is Joe Shaw , I am sure of it. The scary thing is that Shaw is Meeks' cousing. Ewwwwww.

Nah. Can't be Shaw. I don't think Shaw is capable of rising out of his miasma of dullness to the level of little Harpy. Germanboy is much more likely, he hasn't been posting either. It's possible that GB has managed to pick up a case of BSE and it's turned him into Harpy.

------------------
'Aye, ye'll likely win this one. Much as a fat boy wi' a baseball bat can manage tae kill a frog ain a bucket. Ye'll prolly get a medal an' all.' - OGSF

stevetherat

04-05-2001, 02:01 PM

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:
stevetherat seems to have confused "attack" with "play hide and seek." He also seems to have set the timer at only 20 turns, so let's get on a move on, sparky. Chop chop!

Didn't I tell you I had a cunning plan, impatient one? Patience is a vitue...

Agua Perdido

04-05-2001, 02:08 PM

Originally posted by stevetherat:
Didn't I tell you I had a cunning plan, impatient one? Patience is a vitue...

So is firepower. And I don't think "nap-time" counts as a cunning plan. Wake me when your troop of pre-schoolers are done with their punch and cookies and ready to attack.

Agua Perdido

------------------
Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

stevetherat

04-05-2001, 02:30 PM

Punch and cookies? It's tea and scones you arse rag!

Iskander

04-05-2001, 03:38 PM

Originally posted by stevetherat:
tea... scones... arse rag

WOW! I'd heard English food was bad, but that's really awful... does that mean HRH enjoys tea and strumpets?

Heh, heh: it's nice to hear you've adopted my "crawl across the map for 20 turns doing nothing" tactics. You always did seem less stupid than most...

------------------
"Iskander, creator of The Dullest CM Game Ever" - PeterNZer

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

Iskander

04-05-2001, 07:29 PM

Double post...move along... damned board editors....

[This message has been edited by Iskander (edited 04-05-2001).]

David Aitken

04-05-2001, 07:46 PM

I fink the MG modelling in CM is crap!! I hid an M1917 behind a cardboard box, and he was assaulted by several companies of German infantry, and he only killed half of them!! WTF?? If 1 MG isn't all I need to win, how am I going to get to the top of my ladder?? I don't understand any other tactics than "Take MG... point MG at bad guys... pull trigger"!!!

Oh and how come they cant run?? When I was 6 I had a BB gun and I could run with that!!! WTF is going on BTS!!! Fix this or I might post ANOTHER thread on the same subject!!!

Abbott

04-05-2001, 07:48 PM

Originally posted by David Aitken:
I fink the MG modelling in CM is crap!! I hid an M1917 behind a cardboard box, and he was assaulted by several companies of German infantry, and he only killed half of them!! WTF?? If 1 MG isn't all I need to win, how am I going to get to the top of my ladder?? I don't understand any other tactics than "Take MG... point MG at bad guys... pull trigger"!!!

Oh and how come they cant run?? When I was 6 I had a BB gun and I could run with that!!! WTF is going on BTS!!! Fix this or I might post ANOTHER thread on the same subject!!!

Gets my vote for post of the week! LOL..

jshandorf

04-05-2001, 08:05 PM

Hey, Meeks!

Send me my fricken turn you pompous windbag!

Just because I am kickin' you ass in a battle which I offered to call a scratch, but you said "Noooooooo.", is no reason to NOT send me my turn!

Now get to it you git!

Jeff

------------------
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Berlichtingen

04-05-2001, 08:06 PM

Abbott

04-05-2001, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by jshandorf:
Hey, Meeks!

Send me my fricken turn you pompous windbag!

Just because I am kickin' you ass in a battle which I offered to call a scratch, but you said "Noooooooo.", is no reason to NOT send me my turn!

Now get to it you git!

Jeff

Yea, me to ya wanker.

YK2

04-05-2001, 08:25 PM

Originally posted by chrisl:
Germanboy is much more likely, he hasn't been posting either. It's possible that GB has managed to pick up a case of BSE and it's turned him into Harpy.

Nope its not Germanboy or Joe Shaw you are wayyyyy off track http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by YK2 (edited 04-05-2001).]

Joe Shaw

04-05-2001, 08:33 PM

Damn right it's not me! Man, a guy gets a new game (Waterloo - Napoleon's Last Battle) and has connection problems and suddenly he's a bloody lawyer or harpooner or something. The last time I heard, YOU clowns were TIRED of me posting! You were complaining that I was BORING! But what happens when good old Joe takes a day or two off? Oh my, Where's Joe, Where's Seanachai? What shall we do? Bah, you're all filthy swine and not worthy of my time.

Joe

------------------
I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

jshandorf

04-05-2001, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
Damn right it's not me! Man, a guy gets a new game (Waterloo - Napoleon's Last Battle) and has connection problems and suddenly he's a bloody lawyer or harpooner or something. The last time I heard, YOU clowns were TIRED of me posting! You were complaining that I was BORING! But what happens when good old Joe takes a day or two off? Oh my, Where's Joe, Where's Seanachai? What shall we do? Bah, you're all filthy swine and not worthy of my time.

Joe

Joe was missing? When? I didn't notice.

------------------
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Joe Shaw

04-05-2001, 08:40 PM

Joe was missing? When? I didn't notice. Did you notice the M3, Stuart and M-36 my Sdkfz 250/8 put out of their misery? Did you notice that?

Joe

------------------
I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS
HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF
YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR
INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

bauhaus

04-05-2001, 08:58 PM

Originally posted by Moriarty:

Blousemouse is resorting to deviously gamey tactics. Large map, large points, few turns. My valiant pommies will continue to eviscerate his blatantly hysterical use of fallschirmgerbils with pointy things.

Spoken like a true wanker. Ummm, I had no control of the map, QB remember? Besides, your men are on a bloody Sunday stroll. I think it's poor leadership on your part. Now sod off and lose.

Iskander

04-07-2001, 08:02 PM

On behalf of My Most Just and Gracious Lord, jd, I hereby *bump* this, the Holy Mother Thread, back to Page 1 where it friggin' well belongs!

Joe Shaw

04-07-2001, 09:18 PM

Well I, for one, don't approve of the new digs at all! Just look at this nonsense ... smilies right there for your insertion pleasure (sit down Bauhaus ... mind you THAT sounds so much better, glad the lad's back), a bloody INSTANT UBB Code if you please {sigh}. Where's the challenge in that? Where's the tradition? Where's the beer?

Oh, and Lorak, mark this down in the book of books:

jd DRAW
Joe Shaw DRAW

... damn it.

Joe

[ 04-07-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

Berlichtingen

04-07-2001, 10:08 PM

Lorak!
In the epic clash between the vile Mensch and the chivalrous Berli the end result was a...
DRAW!!!!
This proves that Mensch is a gamey bastage

Kitty

04-08-2001, 01:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Lorak!
In the epic clash between the vile Mensch and the chivalrous Berli the end result was a...
DRAW!!!!
This proves that Mensch is a gamey bastage<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, yes! Another lance!

Kitty

Ps - bet he had rockets, huh?

Kitty

04-08-2001, 01:14 AM

I'll tell you what the worst thing about this new board is. Every time I log in it says "Hello Kitty" at the top left!!! %#^@&%!!!!

It ain't easy being me. >=(

Kitty

Pzman

04-08-2001, 01:15 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Kitty:
I'll tell you what the worst thing about this new board is. Every time I log in it says "Hello Kitty" at the top left!!! %#^@&%!!!!

It ain't easy being me. >=(

Kitty<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
LOL

Speedy

04-08-2001, 02:06 AM

Attn Wildthing,
please send me an email as I lost your email address during a system upgrade.

Joe Shaw

04-08-2001, 02:15 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>LOL<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh well said Rob ... sheesh, these newbies come flocking around (sit down Bauhaus) whenever we open a new page. In the first place, it's not up to the likes of YOU to comment on the comments of Dame Kitty, in the second place, we don't like that kind of talk around here, LOL indeed. Finally, if you MUST comment, say something uplifting (sit ... oh, you are sitting Bauhaus ... very good) like: Could be worse ... your name could be DOLLY!

Joe

Herr Oberst

04-08-2001, 02:28 AM

What the bugger is all this?!?

And to top it all off, the scathing post I had ready at work is still there, since the freaking Email to the home Addr didn't come through. So just your luck, you get a general rant.

Sod off!

Oh, and BTW, if your member number (NO Bauhaus, NOT THAT member number...) is more than three digits, you're still a wet behind the ears newbie...

[ 04-07-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

04-08-2001, 02:31 AM

Damn my eyes ain't use to this..... took till now to figure we had migrated here. Oh well anarchy is good.
To the barracades, mes enfants!

[ 04-07-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

Herr Oberst

04-08-2001, 02:37 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:
I fink the MG modelling in CM is crap!! I hid an M1917 behind a cardboard box, and he was assaulted by several companies of German infantry, and he only killed half of them!! WTF?? If 1 MG isn't all I need to win, how am I going to get to the top of my ladder?? I don't understand any other tactics than "Take MG... point MG at bad guys... pull trigger"!!!

Oh and how come they cant run?? When I was 6 I had a BB gun and I could run with that!!! WTF is going on BTS!!! Fix this or I might post ANOTHER thread on the same subject!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A decent shot at post of the week, but he missed to obligatory "DO SOMEFINK!" when ranting about a particular CM feature to BTS.

Phillies Phan

04-08-2001, 02:40 AM

I have a four member number to go with my two digit IQ. I would use my toes to help me count but I cannot see them because of the beer belly. My toenails probably need trimming.

The white background in so different.

jdmorse

04-08-2001, 02:41 AM

So member numbers.....perhaps my old one was 666, or prob Berli got that. The Man is still seeking ways to keep the brothers down......

Berlichtingen

04-08-2001, 03:32 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by jdmorse:
So member numbers.....perhaps my old one was 666, or prob Berli got that. The Man is still seeking ways to keep the brothers down......<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Nope... 40... a lower number than Steve or Madbaldy :D

Berlichtingen

04-08-2001, 03:35 AM

Seanachai

04-08-2001, 04:16 AM

To say the least, the new appearance of the Board (provided it's not, in fact some sort of flashback/visual anomaly) is a cruel trick to play on a man who, when he last bothered to keep count, had done hallucinogens enough times to qualify as 'legally insane' by the definition of many state legislatures.

It's white. It's very white. It's so very goddman white.

WHY DOES THE GODDAMN BACKGROUND HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMN WHITE?!!

I'm glad I've made my way back here. Just in this, most recent Thread incarnation it is all too clear that the Old Ones need to reasser their guidance. Kudos to Aitken, who's displayed a greater IQ range than the cumulative total of 3 full pages of the most recent posting (other than his musical appreciation, which remains deeply suspect. I am not quite sanguine about David's musical orientation. Having just acquired a new 'Ossian' CD this day, I feel it imperative that people like David be brought back into some sort of fold).

Now, when we get right down to it, WE CAN ONLY FECKING HOPE THAT THE TRANSITION TO THIS HORRIBLE, UGLY, AND DID I MENTION, OVERLY BRIGHT BOARD VISUAL will allow the Peng Challenge Thread to resume it's required, deserved, and indisputable pre-emminence by allowing it to go beyond the rather arbitrary and annoyingly stupid 10 page/250 some posts limit, and once again soar over the heads of cowering sub-rodents.

Oh, and Meeks's cousin: Harpooner, is it? You're a pre-eminent subnormal. Now, it is all too clear that you're using a dictionary. Not, as you should be, to actually verify your spelling abilities, but rather to use words that would never, otherwise, enter your lexicon. And while I applaud the attempts of anyone to 'bootstrap' themselves up to the level of a gopher on the level playing field of the Peng Challenge Thread, I can't help but feel that you are an idjit. A patchwork individual. You show no proper respect.

Prove me wrong. Consult your cousin, if need be, and determine the choices you must make if you wish to be taken as a serious contender, rather than the Peng Challenge Thread equivalent of the boll weevil, just looking for a home in which to prove how useless and destructive you can be.

MrPeng

04-08-2001, 04:40 AM

OK
There are far too many things going on here at once for my puny little brain to grok all at the same time.
REAL LIFE has invaded my board life and my PBEM life and then I come here and see this mess...
All I can say is that those who are owed files will get them at some juncture on sunday according to eastern daylight time (which sunday and at what time is still vague), and the rest to whom nothing is owed, they shall get exactly what it is that is owed to them. Others who mayhaps are expecting something that either I or someone else may have promised or currently owe or are in some sort of lessor lesee tennant landlord agreement with may at this juncture in this particular post begin to sod off a bit and not bother us with your expectations and worries and other sorts of things about which I and others have absolutely no interest in or care for or something about or something.
Those who were able to parse the previous statement and are at the same time able to coherently and with malice aforethought convey the nut of the argument to aboriginal human inhabitants or the cat may at this time move to the head of the class. All others may continue to sod off only at a much faster and alarming rate than before.
The rest will please queue up at the other end of the BBS and wait for futher instructions from one of the grogs.[(there are some wags who, I am nearly certain, will point out that some writers pretending to be grogs may point some of the more naieve readers in pointless directions. {this is all well and good and as things should be.} )]and yet there are others who may point out that others may do other things. this is also as it should be but requires less mention for the more informed than more mention does for the less informed.
Then there are the terminally silly...but as we have gone on a bit longer than we expected about these things we are about to cut the thing short.
One last note is that the BBS seems to have gone all out for the emoticons. there are a pack of them floating to the bottom left of the screen. while I am aware that most humans require them in order to communicate, at this particular period in history, I will be unable to participate in any reindeer games as long as these goddam things are right in my face as I type. It is bad enough having to slog through the worthless wastes of cyberfiber that maximus and others of his ilk spew forth in emoticonomy, but this new thing of having all the most "popular" of the goddam little rat bastards stuck securely in the lower left of my screen while i type is just getting to be a little too much for me.
I mean reallly, Matt, I know you are still pissed off at me for the whole Kittly debacle when I pretend quoted her by an anatomically correct word, and I know how much you hate it that typical poolers think of you only as a bald angry worthless wank with nothing better to do than censor input, defend Charle's lousey code and invent mitigating arguments for the MG that cannot RUN and the phantom SturmTiger and the lack of flying body parts ("the PIII can't handle the truth!"), but did you have to stoop to tanting me by forcing the foul little bastards to appear forever at the bottom left of my screen? I guess you did. I guess you are just that much of a heartless and cruel bastard that you have to shove smilies in my face in the name of "PROGRESS" Oh yes the board is much better now that I can insert meaningless little bits of fluff where I am too goddam stupid or lazy or lax or afraid to just say what the hell I mean. Excellent Idea.

Now where was I? Oh yeas, turns out later today to them what needs em, and then one last Penging I think before I become a full time lurker and pederast (no wait! I don't mean pederast, I mean the thing like what that philosopher was that annoyed people, no not the one that buggered innocent children, the other one, GadFly! that's it a gadfly} things have gone to hell what with Aitken starting threads and the new colours.] just isnt right.

Peng

Seanachai

04-08-2001, 05:04 AM

SHAW!?

Art there, old mole?

You're right, lad, the Thread is as dull as stale dog****e. The very same quivering gang of little rodents who would, if given occassion, rise up onto their haunches and proclaim us 'dull', have seemingly puffed themselves up and begun to crawl about chittering their imagined virtues and abilities as though they were buying.

I gave them, Shaw, as you will note, every opportunity. I labeled the both of us 'dull', to encourage their own achievements and natural rebellion. I absented myself for many days, like a parent intent on finding out how they would handle themselves, if thrown upon their own devices.

WHAT I FOUND IS THAT THE MOST OF THEM, POSTING ENDLESSLY AND UNINTELLIGENTLY, ARE:

USELESS. DULL. INANE, AND ALMOST MAGICALLY HALF-WITTED!

Shaw, the gods know that you are a tedious and irritating individual. Boring springs to mind, or at least it would, if I hadn't read some of the useless ****e that's been posted by our younger and clearly less capable members since we absented ourselves from the Thread. I would have liked to suppose that you were, in fact, boring. But I can't escape the fact that what I find, on my return , is tedium delivered up with a bad smell, and without salt.

I grow old, I grow old
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled...

I would like to think, Shaw, that we could, we Old Ones, eventually leave these annoying little ****es to their own devices, and have them make us proud. I see some signs of hope, indeed I do. But not yet enough.

They will always have the Devil, of course, raining smoke upon them and challenging them without concern for who wins and who loses, because Satan always wins, by the very nature of the challenge, and their victories are a sham, forgotten as soon as the smoke dissipates.

They will always have Peng, of course, because I have given them the concept of Peng, and raised it up to be their measure what it is to taunt. Peng himself, of course, pisses upon the useless little swine from quite a great height.

And, Joe, they will always have us. For, as you know, 'Seanachai' means storyteller, or bard. The bard of the Peng Challenge Thread. And therein lies the power of the 'Seanachai'. For he records the deeds of heroes, the passage of those who come after. And lately, it's been a bit goddamn thin. Not many heroes, and certainly not many interesting dolphins chattering by the fish-bucket.

I await their future progress with interest. As 'boring' as I might be, the validation of their participation will seperate the 'hopeful' from the merely 'useless'.

I am, without fear of rebuttal, the 'Darwin' of the Peng Challenge Thread.

And you, Shaw...well, you're a roight bastard, now aren't you? Selah.

harpooner

04-08-2001, 06:17 AM

All you cesspoolianos need to lay off my cousin Meeks for a few because he is trying very hard to land a certain high-paying gig here in Oaktown. I lit a fire under his butt. So heap your abuse on me if you are not getting any turns for a short while.

Consider that he is also being pulled asunder by the affections and the afectations of two very beautiful women who demand way too much of his time. He's young. He'll learn how to keep them in line eventually. Meanwhile, they are playing cat's meow with him as the string. I heard him threaten to join the Marines the other day...honest.

He's way too cool for that fraternity. No offense to any jar-heads out there. I'm playing a very fun Wiltz against a nine-year Marine vet who lives in Saipan now.

Both Meeks' and my dad served in the service for long times (10+ years). Why did he turn into a brown-shirted junior-nazi while I'm a tree-hugging, tofu-munching hippy...dunno...but he's not heavy, he's my cousin...much more like a brother since we grew up together.

I started a new job two days ago...so I'm not really hip to post much any time soon.

There are some very amusing characters on this Peng thread. I'd be happy to be sponsored as a squire by chrisl. Who do I have to annihilate to make it to knighthood? Lemmee at 'em...I'll murdalize 'em.

Meeks told me that I just randomly picked out one of the guys he considers among the coolest of you to direct my taunts at, but that just makes it even better...in both of our opinions. So.......... Stuka, and all Aussies you suck platypus eggs on Easter Sunday in your Grandma's pink bonnet. Yeah!! Ah, that feltso good.

Oops, I think I just posted in my pants...gotta go find a tissue...later.

nijis

04-08-2001, 08:35 AM

For those that missed my absence, and they are no doubt as few as they are elect, I am happy to announce that I am back from a short tour of the Balkans. While the natives are hopelessly imprecise in their speech -- I was forever having to correct people who were blathering on about "snipers" up the street when in fact they meant "sharpshooters", or in many cases "slivovitz-addled wideshooters" -- I was impressed by the spirit of mutual goodwill and respect for one's neighbor, at least compared to how it is around here. Anyway, in addition to my safe and triumphant return, I have other good news to report.

MR. LORAK!

Nijis -- In possession of the field of battle
OGSF -- Much-whupped south side last seen scurrying northward as though all the blackbirds of Kosovo Polye had mistaken it for a Serbian knightly eyeball

In other news, PeterNZer the UbertankUser is discovering that there's more to an assault than driving a King Tiger back and forth in front of my lines, hoping for me to panic. Dalem, meanwhile, while he may or may not grasp the principle that Loose Lips Sink Ships, almost certainly now understands that Holes in Minefields allow in Undesirables.

Berlichtingen

04-08-2001, 09:26 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:
They will always have the Devil, of course, raining smoke upon them and challenging them without concern for who wins and who loses, because Satan always wins, by the very nature of the challenge, and their victories are a sham, forgotten as soon as the smoke dissipates. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sometimes, ya just hafta sit back and say "life is good"

**YK2**

04-08-2001, 01:49 PM

Yikes....... Its gonna be hard keeping this new pool clean, its so damn WHITE and BRIGHT
*grabs sunglasses* Ahhhhh thats' better.

:cool:
Ohhh I love the instant Smilies and UBB code, now thats what I call handy :D

Elvis

04-08-2001, 02:40 PM

MY HEAD.....UGH...Another drinking binge with Peng followed by this white screen...OH MY HEAD.

The following people are slacker:
Joanna
chrissyl
LEON
David ohmyaikenhead
Mace
Hiram (Phillieboy getting rained out today)
Some are biggeer slackers than others but all are slackers.

chrisl

04-08-2001, 02:56 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Elvis:
[QB]
chrissyl
/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Blame AOL--I've sent the file twice already. Will send again in a minute.

While I'm posting, I'll note that I'm about to maintain my perfect record against the attorneys of the pool. The scum sucking bottom feeder jake, in our rematch, has been throwing bad tank after worse trying to get to the center of town in a large, open map. I should note here some of his scumbagous actions: in our previous battles he tells me I'm attacker, and then only after I see that he has more platoons than I have do I discover that it's a probe, not an attack. I beat him anayway, despite being outnumbered (the AI bought me an expensve 8" spotter). In our rematch, he sets himself as attacker and of course makes it an attack. It won't surprise me if it actually turns out to be an assault. He managed to find some easter-egg that Charles his in the game. He set the allied attacker to "armor" and then found the proper combination of keys to hold down so that a new menu item would appear under the german force mix: "worthless wanks without a long range AT weapon to their name". I suspect that he blackmailed Steve with a threat of lobbying against computer wargames. I got 1500 or 2000 or whatever points worth of old men with wooden sticks (not even sharp ones!!) and rocks. There's a bug though, because I also got a KT and an 88 pillbox (not much difference against shermans, except one can move). He's lost or suffered immobilization on all but about 3 of his tanks it seems, where he started with 8 or 9.

Joe Shaw

04-08-2001, 03:10 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>I am, without fear of rebuttal, the 'Darwin' of the Peng Challenge Thread. And you, Shaw...well, you're a roight bastard, now aren't you? Selah.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Seanachai, don't call me a sheila, I'm a guy ... I may, in point of fact, be the very definition of the word "guy". You, on the other hand (yes Bauhaus that one will do fine), may reference Darwin only as the man who discovered that lower life forms (YOU ... not to put too fine a point on it) may, in time, give rise to higher life forms (sponges, slime mold and lichen). The remainder of your points are well taken. The sad lot that inhabit these nether regions are clearly not up to the task, though, as you rightly point out, some show promise. It therefore devolves upon us to enlighten them and raise the tone of the CessPool and I hereby pledge that I shall do my part in that task knowing, as I do, that you shall not shirk either in our mutual endeavor. With that in mind ... have you noticed that you've lost yet ANOTHER M3 to my mighty UBERHalftracks of Death? Let's see, that makes it about a dozen or so AFVs that you've lost while I've lost ... let me check ... None!

Joe

OGSF

04-08-2001, 03:51 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by nijis:
[QB]Nijis -- In possession of the field of battle
OGSF -- Much-whupped south side last seen scurrying northward as though all the blackbirds of Kosovo Polye had mistaken it for a Serbian knightly eyeball<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Widyae look a' wha' tha ' mangy cat dragged ain? Tha beady eyed kabob fondler failed tae mention tha' at were an' assault ain an' infantry engagement tha' provided haim wi' this "victory". Odds were aboot 6 hundred million thousand squillion tae 1. Can we all say "frog ain a bucket"?

Bastaarrd!

Sir MacOberGrupenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

Foobar

04-08-2001, 03:56 PM

Joe, dont make me puke. Definition of a guy? You???>!!!
Check this out folks. From my squire challenge battle vs Roborat.

1st a REAL man. Sgt Foobar is a freakin animal, taking no prisoners, laying waste to everything in his path..Why he's killed 4 afv's so far!!!

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=1475386&a=11107001&p=46061233

Now we go to a GIRLY man. Sgt Joe Shaw, although having veteran status, has whizzed this battle down his leg. He fell to the first enemy contact, and is seen here running off hysterically into the night.
What a sad sack...

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=1475386&a=11107001&p=46061230

Pretty telling, isn't it?

Joe Shaw

04-08-2001, 04:19 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Pretty telling, isn't it?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>The only thing that's TELLING is who the commanders were. I can't help it if my namesake is commanded by a Princess Di clone.

Joe

Foobar

04-08-2001, 09:00 PM

That is so like you Joe. Always passing the buck. I'd like to think we are mature enough around here to leave my resemblance to members of the Spencer family out of this.

Now, I am definitely enough of a commander to take this squire challenge in hand. I will send you the file, if you'd like. You'll be able to see that YOU just plain dropped the ball. That's all there is to it. I put you in a perfect location, unbuttoned, lying in wait for enemy armor. His Panther rounds the corner, and BEATS YOU TO THE PUNCH. All you had to do was pull the trigger. He was 50 meters away. Sgt Foobar was in the tank right next to you, he did everything he could to help, but there was no helping you.

Your performance was pathetic. I hope they catch Sgt Joe Shaw, and send him to the Stalag.

Bastables

04-08-2001, 09:15 PM

Bhaha Bastables is on 2 week leave before shipping out to ET MACE, Kitty I challange your AUSSIE Jellybean (AUSSIE army camo) bodys to a CM battle of the old angry old guard.

Stuka

04-08-2001, 10:18 PM

Guten morgen, Foos!
Well harpooner old buddy old pal, thank you for your kind words. So you think I'm cooldo you? Well, let me tell you somefink, I'm wayyyy too cool to be just plain cool. I'm Uber cool!
MuahAhhaHahaaaaaa!

BTW I'm only really posting to see my ID#

Joe Shaw

04-08-2001, 10:28 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Sgt Foobar was in the tank right next to you, he did everything he could to help, but there was no helping you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My gawd man, no wonder he withdrew, with Captain Foobar next to him it was a Blue on Blue just waiting to happen!

Joe

Foobar

04-08-2001, 11:08 PM

You will never prove that....

Stuka

04-08-2001, 11:34 PM

Gak!! #1551!
Sigh Just another damned newbie.....

dalem

04-09-2001, 12:40 AM

Hey Marlowbrow-

I owe you a rematch too, don't I? Something to assuage your guilt at the Draw that so curdled the milk in your udders?

Abbott

04-09-2001, 04:37 AM

Sheesh, Fix or do somfink!

Berlichtingen

04-09-2001, 04:45 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
Gak!! #1551!
Sigh Just another damned newbie.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Jesus! Even Moriarty has a lower number. You're so new the paint ain't even dry

Foobar

04-09-2001, 04:48 AM

I would like to point out that some of us HIGH number people wear it as a badge of honor. We were ROBBED of our original identities on the NIGHT of REFRESHING MONKEYS, and if you don't know what that is, your certainly a damned newbie, so never mind.

Wesreidau

04-09-2001, 07:24 AM

I remember that night when the CM world turned upside down and we stepped through mirrors and stuff.

Anyway, I have too much time and amd too busy at work to share any bile with you lot. So in general, you all stink, especially Stuka for landing me with Paras on defence along with his gamey human wave tactics. The rest of you are failing to kill me which is a surprise in some cases, and in others, not.

Die-a-lot old board style

PeterNZ

Geier

04-09-2001, 07:51 AM

You are all a bunch of bastards!
What? Was it something I said?

Pointless drivel.

mensch

04-09-2001, 08:27 AM

Lorak.. as my fellow buttmonkey buddies said..

Seanachpoo vs Mensch (DRAW)
Berlachin vs Mensch (D R A W)

muhahahaah.. foo!

Berlichtingen

04-09-2001, 08:27 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:
I would like to point out that some of us HIGH number people wear it as a badge of honor. We were ROBBED of our original identities on the NIGHT of REFRESHING MONKEYS, and if you don't know what that is, your certainly a damned newbie, so never mind.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
However, those of us that are pure of heart retained our usernames :D

Geier

04-09-2001, 08:34 AM

YESSS!
It's got the Ignore moron option!!!
Thank you thank you thank you.
Someone just made the world a better place. I'll be busy for a little while, byeee for ever. You know who you are.

Geier

04-09-2001, 08:54 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
However, those of us that are pure of heart retained our usernames :D<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
That explains why I lost it once and plain changed it once... Pure of heart? You?

Ahem

Berlichtingen

04-09-2001, 08:59 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Geier:
YESSS!
It's got the Ignore moron option!!!
Thank you thank you thank you.
Someone just made the world a better place. I'll be busy for a little while, byeee for ever. You know who you are.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Geier seems so happy. It would be down right evil to ruin it for him...
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>From the board FAQ:
Ignore lists apply to private messages only. Anyone you add to your ignore list can no longer send you a private message. You can put someone on your ignore list by viewing the member's profile and clicking on the "add to ignore list" link. Private messaging must be enabled on this site in order to use buddy lists. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

Berlichtingen

04-09-2001, 09:02 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Geier:
Pure of heart? You?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Do you despute that Evil may have a pure form?

Geier

04-09-2001, 10:27 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Do you despute that Evil may have a pure form?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I'm very much at odds with the word pure I am. In every sense or form.
Undiluted would be more appropriate in my opinion. But hey, it's your language, do what you want.

As for the ignore-thingy. I was happy. For a brief moment I envisioned joyous, troublefree times ahead. But, being a thoroghbred cynic, I knew it wouldn't last, that Mother fortune would once again vomit on my pillow. Only a matter of time.
But still, for a brief moment I was happy.

And there is nothing you can do about it
Sleep tight,

Croda

04-09-2001, 11:34 AM

It is evidently obvious that my 99 to 1 drubbing of Herr Oberst is what caused the board crash. And ordinarily I'd appologize for causing the world such heartache, but the fact of that matter is that I enjoyed it very much. It even caused a few sorry saps (**cough**Johann**cough**) to create idiotic usernames and post drivel to the backup CessPool. The joker argued eveything from nappy hair weaves to infanticide and didn't make a cogent point one single time. If I were Nipponboy, I would berate him for his obviously third rate education and proclaim my intellectual mastery, but I am not so I will simply call him the result of misplaced nut-butter.

As for Mister Seanachai, if you are going to quote Prufrock, at least don't use the same line I used mere pages ago. Quote from The Hollow Men, it's so much more you.

I have many more nasty things to say, and no time to say it, so let me just close with - Boy is this page white.

Geier

04-09-2001, 11:58 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Croda:
to create idiotic usernames and post drivel<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you. It's what I do. I'm just much better at it than you are.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Boy is this page white.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No it isn't.

Mace

04-09-2001, 12:04 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Bastables:
Bhaha Bastables is on 2 week leave before shipping out to ET MACE, Kitty I challange your AUSSIE Jellybean (AUSSIE army camo) bodys to a CM battle of the old angry old guard.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Damn Gus Dur, I paid him a fortune to make sure they crossed the points of thier bullets, and you still returned!

Corruption just ain't what it used to be!

*Sigh* Well then send me a setup, you kiwi/pom wannabee.

In the meantime, I'll let the top aussie shiela know you're spoiling for a punchup!

Mace

btw about this new colour scheme:

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAa

Herr Oberst

04-09-2001, 12:07 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Croda:
The Academy Award Winning Nefarious Legion of Croda, Inc. would like to take this
opportuinty to annouce its utter Crodification of the former Hairy Obeast. The little
bugger had trouble getting into turn number two, and lost by a score of 99 to 1. Some
would say we did well to score 99 points. We would question how the gamey bastard scored any
points at all.

Nevertheless, he has paid for trifling with the Legion.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why you arrogant little pile of weasel snot... enuf said.

It is nothing short of miraculous that I was able to squeak out a single victory point in that little engagement. If you could call it an engagement. It was not an engagement along the lines of two consenting adults, nor even that of two hormonally confused and over-sexed teenagers. It was more like Mace's geriatric grandfather shuffling past the elementary school bus stop and saying
"Hey little girlie, want to come see my..." Oh, forget it. I'm sure you all get the picture.

Here is Croda's recipe for a battle:

1. Take unequal parts of Germans and US troops...

2. Place the German Security Troops at the bottom of a huge mixing bowl, with commanders as far away from their own troops as possible...

3. Liberally sprinkle that area with barbed wire to impede the running troops...

4. Perch the odd 10-15 Sherman 105's at impossible downward angles all around the rim of said bowl, cementing them in place with Crazy Glue...

5. And for fun, call in a salvo of 14 inch rounds from the Battleship Missouri gamily hiding off-map...

6. Press Go!

This is Crawdad's recipe for a 99-1 score...

Obviously driven mad by his pitiful record within the Cesspool, his dememtia forced him to construct this little scenario. Through my own magnamimity, I now concede the loss to Crawdad...

*Ahem*

Ladies (* nods to Kitty, Y2K, and Mace if he's wearing his frilly things today *) and (if I might borrow a phrase, and if I can't... Bite me!)
Gentleworms of the Pool,

I come here not to bury Croda, but to praise him.

His skills in scenario design are beyond compare. Behold his masterpiece of engineered destruction. His skills in Generalship are so grand, his selection of unit position so precise that none of his units dared, er, needed to move during the whole battle. His aiming skills so acute that nothing, nada, nicht could escape certain death by the pin-point use of his 14 inch naval shells.

He is truly a person of resource and sagacity, His wit, so sharp at times as to rend your Inner Croda and leave you defenseless. Yes, before us we have a Master. A Master Baiter into battles, arguments, or a Kleenex, whichever is handier at the moment.

Hopefully this gift, so small and insignificant a concession on my part, yet so magnificent and boundless a treasure trove of good feeling and self-esteem on his part, will be the first step in his healing process towards, one can only hope, normalcy.

In the end, rest assured that he will remain our Croda, whatever the form. The surest sign of this ultimate truth I have was his Email reply after the computer auto-surrendered my position.

"How did you get a point?!?" Poor Croda... in the end he must be himself.

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

Mace

04-09-2001, 12:35 PM

I'm convinced that this Member # is based on and is proportional to intelligence!

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

Berlichtingen

04-09-2001, 12:46 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mace:
I'm convinced that this Member # is based on and is proportional to intelligence!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
You would... but then, you never were too bright.

Mark IV

04-09-2001, 12:52 PM

So this is where you've all been hiding. Too busy to mess with it now, but you just wait, you whippersnappers. I'll be back in business in another day or so.

Hamsters

04-09-2001, 02:30 PM

Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that Berli has a lower user number than Steve? Christ, man, couldn't you be a little more subtle?

Herr Oberst

04-09-2001, 02:48 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mace:
I'm convinced that this Member # is based on and is proportional to intelligence!

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes indeed, and it would be wonderful for you were it not based on an INVERSE proportion...

Geier

04-09-2001, 05:40 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Hamsters:
Is anyone else freaked out by the fact that Berli has a lower user number than Steve?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Not me. Perfectly natural. In a sense. If you don't bother to define natural.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Christ, man, couldn't you be a little more subtle?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Christ? Quite the opposite and subtlety doesn't come easy when you're... well, you know...
Him. That guy. Satan.

I've never been very fond of subtlety myself. More of the "screw the feints and the posturing, just rip 'is 'ead off" kinda guy. So I'm kinda symphonic err wossname sympathetic to the devil, in my own way.

Roborat

04-09-2001, 05:42 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Geier:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Croda:
[qb]to create idiotic usernames and post drivel<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you. It's what I do. I'm just much better at it than you are.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Boy is this page white.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No it isn't.

(c) An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a
proposition.

(g) No it isn't!

null

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: Roborat ]

Joe Shaw

04-09-2001, 05:46 PM

GAMEY is as GAMEY does! While that's not something my Mom used to say, it's certainly true. The problem, however, is that it's become OVERUSED. For example, back in the old days you had movie STARS ... and everyone knew that if you were a STAR you were at the pinnacle of your profession. But then someone noticed that if you were in films AT ALL that someone would call you a star! That wouldn't do, so some clown came up with SUPERSTAR!

I present this small history lesson because I've become disturbed (well, not in THAT way ... okay in that way too, but that's not the point) by the over usage of the term GAMEY in this The One The True CessPool. While it's undeniable that jd eaked out a draw against me through the use of GAMEY, edge hugging tactics, and Mace won his game by GAMILY buying ahistorical tank mixes, and ... well, you get the idea ... anyway, it's getting so that everyone is labelled as GAMEY! Except for me, of course, and those that do are just being GAMEY.

So, my friends (and GermanBoy), I say it's time to do one of two things (no Bauhaus THAT'S NOT one of them), either reserve the term GAMEY for the REAL Gamey Bastards (i.e. anyone who beats me ... I know, I know, that won't narrow the field too much) or come up with a term analogous to SUPERSTAR to identify them.

It's getting so you can't tell the Gamey Bastards without a scorecard!

Joe

Roborat

04-09-2001, 05:49 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:
Joe, dont make me puke. Definition of a guy? You???>!!!
Check this out folks. From my squire challenge battle vs Roborat.

1st a REAL man. Sgt Foobar is a freakin animal, taking no prisoners, laying waste to everything in his path..Why he's killed 4 afv's so far!!!
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
What!!, the same sherman has gotten all your armoured kills. Well, I see what is my primary target now. not only will I hunt down that tank, I will make sure to machine gun the survivors, and run them over for good measure, then shoot them again.

David Aitken

04-09-2001, 07:41 PM

News from the Front

The "Front" being, of course, the latest MG Effectiveness thread.

• Pillar thinks that experience has nothing to do with troops' ability to move in the face of machinegun fire.

• I saw someone claim that machinegun crews should be able to move as fast as riflemen.

PBEM Report

Come to think of it, I haven't heard from Meeks lately. Looks like another resend job.

Elvis is denying responsibility for his actions.

Leeo and I have disentangled in the dark for the time being, and I am attempting to prevent my men from killing each other long enough to kick the remnants of his Sturmkompanie off the VL.

I can't find Græmlin in the dictionary. Methinks the folks at UBB have nothing better to do than enhance the functionality of their smilies (ie. change the appearance and give them a new name, like... Windows XP).

armornut

04-09-2001, 08:20 PM

Dear Sir mace,

I sit here board with nothing to do but read the drivel on the main board. I have cleaned the sheep(extra conditioner for that extra bounce you like), trimmed thier hooves, and marked each of the females with a pink ribbon and a bell(for ease of finding), as well as shined your boots, and cleaned the litter box. Would you be so gracious as to send me a game? I would love to learn at the hands of such a master(or something).

Your humble and unworthy squire,
Armornut

04-09-2001, 08:27 PM

It would seem that we are approaching the moment of truth......has our continuity, as a anarcho-syndicalist ater-ego been restored? Frankly I think the communal zeitgeist was more interesting when we were 40 pages into a single thread. This re-posting threads every 10 pages (or less) has no substance and casts a rather sad shadow of it's formerly pengish self. I haven't noticed words from on high. I hope anew, but hold no bets......

Mace

04-09-2001, 08:28 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:
Yes indeed, and it would be wonderful for you were it not based on an INVERSE proportion...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aha, it appears that way to you because you're standing on your head (or more likely sitting on it).

Mace

PS Armornut, my squire, for whom I hold high hopes (of successfully carrying out a good sheep drenching and tail docking). I will process a setup tonight after my return from the front (aka work).

stevetherat

04-09-2001, 08:33 PM

At bloody last!

I've been going to my bookmarked forum page (without the ****e brickwork) for days and receiving the 'forum is offline for repairs' bollocks all that time. I decide to go back through the traditional route to get here: the homepage; discussion forums; et bloody cetera, and I find we've got a new pad. Well, someone's hung new wallpaper, at least.

So, where was I? Nowhere, actually, because I've been in such a rage over the 'offline' business that my words have evapourated.

No, there is one thing, but it's hardly a surprise. The game with Croda has ended on turn 60. The score? Yes, I was coming to that. Hold on to your hats; 92:8 to me. It's only fitting for one so blatently talented.

There are thousands of other battles going on, and I'm sure you'l forgive me for forgetting you for a while, but I'm off to Scotland. Loch Lomond for Easter. Perfect. Well, it would be if I can stay away from that Scottish hoard of *ankers OHMYGOD and Dave 'the rave' Aitken.

That's it. Please go forth and multiply.

StR

David Aitken

04-09-2001, 09:18 PM

Last guy I heard of visiting Loch Lomond ended up with his arms and legs underwater, his torso on a rubbish tip and his head on a beach near Ayr.

Have fun with the sheep.

Hamstersss

04-09-2001, 10:01 PM

All hail the bald one! I have my account back, I have my account back! Yee ha!

Foobar

04-09-2001, 10:09 PM

Originally bellowed out by Roborat:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>What!!, the same sherman has gotten all your armoured kills. Well, I see what is my primary target now. not only will I hunt down that tank, I will make sure to machine gun the survivors, and run them over for good measure, then shoot them again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thats right honey, and it is none other than SGT FOOBAR, of the free french army! If you have any MORE Crack Panthers you dont want, I will happily brew them up as well. I could lose this battle, and still claim victory, seeing how well my namesake is doing.

http://albums.photopoint.com/j/View?u=1475386&a=11107001&p=46061233

As they say in the FPS world,Come get some, biaatch

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: *Captain Foobar* ]

Elvis

04-09-2001, 10:27 PM

DavidYes it is true I am not taking resposibility for my alleged actions. A platoon knee deep in snow advanced on an enemy platoon that I knew was in position to get up close and personal shots on my boys running in the open snow. I remember thinking when I plotted the turn "ya don't want to go running into that mess until you've nicked him up a bit". I get the movie back and guess what my men are doing.
I would like to formally charge David Ohmyaikenhead with cheating. He somehow was able to, thru telpathy is my guess right now, get into my head and cause me to do things I would never consider doing on my own (sit down bauhaus).
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Lorak

04-09-2001, 10:36 PM

Ahh, so good to be posting again.
A little Lorak news. ISP is out again at my house, (still trying to fix the storm damage). Hopefully I'll get all my turns out tonight.

Tome updates:

JD-draw
Joe Shaw-draw

Berli-draw
mensch-draw

Croda-win
Herr Oberst-loss

nijis-win
OGSF-loss

Seanachai-draw
mensch-draw

Stevetherat-win
Croda-loss

Thats about all I have time for now. I be sure to stop back in a little while to bore you all to tears.

Lorak the loathed

Bastables

04-09-2001, 10:41 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mace:
Damn Gus Dur, I paid him a fortune to make sure they crossed the points of thier bullets, and you still returned!

Corruption just ain't what it used to be!

*Sigh* Well then send me a setup, you kiwi/pom wannabee.

In the meantime, I'll let the top aussie shiela know you're spoiling for a punchup!

Mace

btw about this new colour scheme:

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAa<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Any prefrences Jellybean or can I be as gamey as possible? I should be able to continue the game in theater due to the internet connections we have over there smile.gif

Abbott

04-09-2001, 10:54 PM

Post of the week!
---------

And umm Hofbauer don't choke while you EAT ME!-Madmatt

---------

David Aitken

04-09-2001, 10:58 PM

Sorry Mr Elvish, the breathalyser indicates that you were in control of a copy of Combat Mission while several hundred times over the legal alcohol limit. Either that or Peng was in control of your copy of Combat Mission while you were several hundred times over the legal alcohol limit.

That said, I must plead guilty on charges of gamily utilising sound tactics, using accurate mortar fire where the opposition could only fling shells randomly, knock out enemy AFVs with said artillery where the opposition could only button them, and press home the attack even after losing most of my armour where the opposition could only flounder, run around and take every opportunity to get killed in imaginative ways (the defence submits Exhibit A, the Humber shooting gallery).

Stuka

04-09-2001, 11:51 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:
You all stink, especially Stuka for landing me with Paras on defence along with his gamey human wave tactics.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gamey? Gamey?
ArrrGhhhhh!! I'm gonna chuck a Germyboy sized hissy fit right now!
How dare you! I've never been so insulted in my life!

not here

04-10-2001, 12:25 AM

Pathetic newbie scum.

Mace

04-10-2001, 12:39 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
I've never been so insulted in my life!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hi, my name's Stuka and I like to leave myself wide open for attacks...please heap scorn on me now!

Moriarty

04-10-2001, 01:44 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:
All hail the bald one! I have my account back, I have my account back! Yee ha!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, that ough to put a fork in Harpooner, anyway.

Stuka

04-10-2001, 02:50 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Mace:
Hi, my name's Stuka and I like to leave myself wide open for attacks...please heap scorn on me now!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Rack off, NEWBIE!
You are beneath my contempt with a # in the 3 thousands.
I raise an eyebrow in your direction and perhaps flare a nostril a little but no more.
You are simply not worthy.
Hummph!

dalem

04-10-2001, 02:58 AM

"Ranking", "number", "newbie"... Everybody seems so concerned with trivial things like status and seniority.

Perhaps you'd all relax if'n you had a respectable number, say, one below 691.

Face!

And PeterBeater, it's April now, so you no longer own my sig. If you want it back send me another setup.

[ 04-09-2001: Message edited by: dalem ]

chrisl

04-10-2001, 03:18 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by harpoon:

Who do I have to annihilate to make it to knighthood?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm. I don't know that you're quite ready for a kniggethood joust yet. More like a carnival of torture for the enjoyment of the cesspool, then maybe a battle for kniggethood. You should start by carefully selecting one of the more recent additions to the pool, or in their absence, jake the scheming lawyer snake, who lies about setup parameters and is a little too fond of smoke. He also is still a squire (actually he's not even a squire-- more like park-bench dwelling lobbyist looking for a sponsor). I'll provide the scenario-- I think it's pretty well balanced, though it's certainly got some surprises. I actually prefer to rip jake's face off myself though, so I'd recommend that you go slap one of the other new squires with a smelly fish.

Berlichtingen

04-10-2001, 04:15 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by dalem:
Perhaps you'd all relax if'n you had a respectable number, say, one below 691<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Or better yet, one that is less than 100

Mace

04-10-2001, 06:46 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
I raise an eyebrow in your direction and perhaps flare a nostril a little but no more.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And will you wiggle those ears for me as well?....that is so goddam cute!!!! smile.gif

harpooner

04-10-2001, 07:02 AM

Thanks for the sponsorship Chrisl. My own interest is in finding worthy opponents upon which to hone my battle skills. I'm not sure who is a knight and who is a squire. I'd like to play anyone who is currently playing or recently played my cousin, Elijah Meeks. He beats me almost every time, but not by much. We compare notes, and he has taken on some of my favorite opponents already, too.

However, there is one particular knave who needs a bit of straightening out here.....

Stuka--AKA *****-breath--No, no, no, sir you have it all wrong. It's Meeks who thinks that you are barely tolerable...kinda like a recurrant poison ivy infection that one enjoys scratching. But, I still think that you are as dumb as toast. You have the intellect of a bruised marsupial, and I suspect that, like most Aussies, you enjoy the occasional mugwumping of a sheep or two in the backyard when no one is looking.

You are a scurvy, Limey, Penal-implant, living on a primitive desert island lost somewhere in the nether regions of the Indian Ocean. I suspect this island to be somewhere near, and akin to, MADAGASCAR, or perhaps closer in proximity and in level of cultural refinement to TASMANIA.

We here in the civilized areas of the world give your little atoll about as much thought as King George gave to a boil on his ass, in fact, Austrailia IS a boil on the ass of the world, wayyy down on the bottom. I don't think that humans were actually meant to live there...leave it for the lizards and the dingos, I say.

If there were any justice, a typhoon would conjure up a real tsunami tidal-wave to cleanse the place of all the riff-raff. Then we could make something useful out of it as a destination for rich American tourists. We might even inhabit the place with people who don't try to speak the King's English as though they had a mouthful of 'roo and had just quaffed seven Fosters.

Q: What's the difference between yogurt and Austrailia?

A: Yogurt has an active culture.

That's about it though, puss-wank.

Wesreidau

04-10-2001, 07:21 AM

I'm teed off.
One, because I'm scheduled to do ten weeks of work in 8 and everyone looks surprised when i have to work overtime (and not paid for it)

And two, because I went to all the trouble of setting up that squire match and THE USELESS BASTARDS Stevetherat and Hamsters won't even post one measly picture or update! Scum!

PeterNZ

harpooner

04-10-2001, 07:37 AM

I'll prod Hamsters/Meeks, but like I said, the man is extremely busy as of late and may therefore become lax in his posting duties as such.

Give him a break, man.

Now go away or I will taunt a second time....silly English knnnnnniggets.

Mace

04-10-2001, 07:47 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by harpooner:
I'm jealous. I so want to be an Aussie, but they won't have me! Is it because of my poor stature from a lack of a healthy environment? Or is it my relatively low IQ? BOOHOO<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I must admit the good thing about being an Australian is that we're as far as we can possibly get from you lard-mooner!

Just how we like it! :D

Mace

Stuka

04-10-2001, 08:44 AM

HardSpooner old sausage, you are indeed fortunate that in these days of enlightenment, in these days of the New 'Pool, in these days of sensitive new-age guyness , that a Kniggett of the "Old 'pool", may not ride out upon the heath atop his mighty squire and run you through with his lance like the perforated abcess that you are.
I am tempted sorely to crush you like a teenage pimple on prom night, but alas, tradition dictates that you must bitch fight a lesser mortal than I.
I have a squire who is proving adequate in both battle and taunt, and should it please me to see Leeo dance on your cremated ashes after he has disposed of David of Aitken, I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.

Now Sod Off, you annoying adolescent.

Leeo

04-10-2001, 10:03 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

I have a squire who is proving adequate in both battle and taunt, and should it please me to see Leeo dance on your cremated ashes after he has disposed of David of Aitken, I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OOoooo, let me at 'im, let me at 'im! I'll moiderize him, I'll play jump-rope with his intestines, I'll give you his skull for a piss-bucket. Please, Sire, unchain me and set me upon the malodorous mangy mongerel (damn, that's what I get for playing that alliterative Deke Fentle).

Updates:

Elvis still hasn't found me, and is complaining loudly. He's wasted much of his artillery on blasting empty bushes, and can claim the glorious victory of having killed exactly one LMG scout.

Agua Perdido has gone missing, but up to this point we've just begun to exchange fire.

Deke Fentle has proven his gamey-ness and fear of catching bullets by purchasing (gasp) bunkers! They are having a somewhat difficult time seeing through the smoke, but the gamey bastidge benefited quite well from the premature charge-lation of a couple of shermans and an idiot FO who ordered HE on a bunker rather than smoke. My Americans have shown their inherent attraction to lead poisoning.

David Aitken is now starting to complain about having chosen a rainy night scenario. He complains with good reason, for after I sprung a reverse slope ambush which destroyed a Churchill and a few squads, mortars, MGs, and other accoutrements of war, his Brits are now shooting up trees, bushes, rocks, and each other.

So, Spooner, I'll stomp you with glee, for you are a dimwit dullard, who's closest relationship is with your own fist. Now toddle off to get a fresh diaper, because you're starting to stink.

Ta ta for now!

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Leeo ]

Wesreidau

04-10-2001, 12:22 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by harpooner:
I'll prod Hamsters/Meeks, but like I said, the man is extremely busy as of late and may therefore become lax in his posting duties as such.

Give him a break, man.

Now go away or I will taunt a second time....silly English knnnnnniggets.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You fetid little monkey ass scratching post! You call that a taunt? The Pope's flatulance has more piss and bile, my grandmother could taunt you into the ground if you call that a 'taunt'.

You who are related to Hamster, I care not if he is busy, you are busy, you're both banging each others mothers, or each other, all I care about is that I see NO UPDATES on the squire match. Useless sods. That goes for my squire too who deserves a jolly good beating.

I will not give him a break, nor will i give you a break you horrid little man. Go find Hamsers sister, she does a better line in taunt than either of you.

Now, Stuke, I have Gilligan's Nightmare ready to go for any squire battle. You can, of course, fiddle the points/units as you see fit, but it is amusing. Let me know

PeterNZ

mensch

04-10-2001, 12:27 PM

challanges are out to some gits that visit here often.. one it the famous map edge hugging gamey git BERLI and the Gamey complaing JOE SHAW and to that Meekses GIT what ever his name is.

my I hope the refuse my challanges so I can laugh at them very hard here in the cess for being a panty wearing latext dressed sissyboys! hehe... and berli no gamey map edge hugging this time!! you smelly balding old guy.. jeezus 40... I heard Christ has 55!!! the only one older then you is George Burns and he had 2!!

Speedy

04-10-2001, 12:50 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by harpooner:
...snip....

Q: What's the difference between yogurt and Austrailia?

A: Yogurt has an active culture.

.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'd take beer over culture any day.

Goanna

04-10-2001, 12:54 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>...leave it for the lizards and the dingos, I say.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Did someone call me?

That'll be the day when we take a pinch from greasy MF like you.

I am on some emergency leave which is why you have all gotten jack out of me for about a week. Anyone wanting to continue to take it like a marsupial can send me the latest at o_two@telstra.com and I can play on the road.

Now, what's MY number. (The real reason I had to drop a note)

dalem

04-10-2001, 01:01 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Originally posted by dalem:
Perhaps you'd all relax if'n you had a respectable number, say, one below 691<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Or better yet, one that is less than 100

Well, you don't really count, WhirlyBerli, because I'm really only talking about humans and subhumans, not 3-dimensional cross-sections of multidimensional beings who accidentally get trapped on the CM Boards, which clearly you are. And while lurking as the nasty monster of The Pool "finish your asparagus, child, or The Berli will get you!" since before the dawn of time has served you well, eventually you will run out of victims.

40 indeed.

chrisl

04-10-2001, 01:26 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.
.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I shall provide a map and units. They will wing their way to Leeo shortly.

Joe Shaw

04-10-2001, 01:39 PM

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, We (We're thinking of adopting the Imperial WE when referring to ourselves in the future so We thought We'd try it out) have been challenged by none other than the infamous and tauntically challenged Mensch! Note the bile and creativity of his taunt: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>... and the Gamey complaing JOE SHAW <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Now REALLY! Is that the best you can do? Had you actually READ Our post (yes, yes it would take you longer to have to sound out ALL the words) you'd have found that We weren't complaining but rather trying to establish a heirarcy of Gamieness. Second, you poor fool, there is no taunt involved in your challenge and this IS the CessPool. Why if some rank newbie had wandered in and offered a challenge in that form we'd have laughed him off the board and rightly so.

Now We can hardly expect Berli or Seanachai quality taunts from someone with a member number like {SNEER} ... 2110 {snort}, but there ARE standards.

Finally, SHOULD We honor you by accepted your FUTURE challenge (this one has gone by the board for the above referenced reasons) kindly send a setup that does NOT include the following which, regrettably, were included in your presumptious and premature setup:

1. NIGHT
2. GREEN troops
3. ARMOR type
4. RAIN
5. COMPUTER purchase

Now any one, two or even THREE of the above might make for a reasonable scenario, but the inclusion of FIVE of them clearly is designed to create a scenario that will be won through LUCK only and will provide NO scope for tactics to prevail! The only reason anyone would send such a scenario would be if they realized that it presented the ONLY hope they had to ... OH ... well, We see.

Should you decide to send another setup that has some resemblence to a reasonable setup, kindly do Us the favor of attaching a jpeg of the setup screen since ... obviously ... you can't be trusted.

Joe

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

Marlow

04-10-2001, 01:42 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by dalem:
Hey Marlowbrow-

I owe you a rematch too, don't I? Something to assuage your guilt at the Draw that so curdled the milk in your udders?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes you do. Get on it Bitch Boy.

04-10-2001, 01:43 PM

Seen posted on the (gasp!)main board by mensch who is obviously patrolling for nubile young flesh <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>... if you want you can follow me into the cess and we would gladly use you for a beta abuse tester <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

Joe Shaw

04-10-2001, 01:55 PM

{gag} Well done, jd, nicely spotted.

There now that wasn't so difficult was it?

Well, not difficult perhaps, but it certainly left a foul aftertaste.

Yes, well, referring to lawyers in complimentary terms will do that.

In any case, Mensch cease thy trolling damnit! Why the next thing you know we'll be inundated with newbies mewling for a game ... oh please, sir, may I have a game sir? I'll be ever so nice sir and shall not be at all gamey, if it please your lordship. Bah! Then we have to go to all the trouble of teaching them how to taunt and what the rules and ranks are and ... well ... it JUST WON'T DO!

Joe

chrisl

04-10-2001, 02:06 PM

A file is on the way to Leeo, who will be playing Allies. I was too lazy to put in a scenario briefing, but I'll put one here.

It's some time during the war (I can't remember what month I selected) and the Germans are on the run. The allies have pushed them back to some river and are driving madly to get across, because the Germans have developed a secret new weapon known so far only as the "vortex machine" and it's not even known what it does, but it's believed to be so advanced that if it can be put into action it will enable the Germans to handily turn the tide. The laboratories where it's being developed are only a few kilometers beyond the lightly defended river crossing, and both sides are desperately rushing forces into action to attack/defend the river crossing as appropriate. Intelligence reports suggest that the Germans may try to use the new überweapon out of desperation, even though it's not yet been fully tested.

The the Allied player can expect the crossing to be defended by an understrength company, possibly with some static defenses. Air observations report that there are Germans rushing to the crossing from all directions.

The German player should expect a couple lightly reinforced companies to be attacking his positions, but with all available allied forces in the area following to complete and exploit the breach.

Marlow

04-10-2001, 02:11 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
Mensch[/B] cease thy trolling damnit! Why the next thing you know we'll be inundated with newbies <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ladies and GentleWorms, Children of all ages, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Come one, Come all, and behold the freaks of the Cesspool.

See the amazing collection of semi-human abominations dalem the earless wonder and SteveTheGit

Be shocked by the incomprehensible gibberish of Mensch the Addled and OBGYN

Be astounded as Meeks/Hamster kisses his own ass

Frighten the young'ens with the sights of Mace the SheepBoy and Wildman

Enjoy hourly close order manooovering by We are Croda, and daily Elvis sightings.

Win prizes at the world famous Squire Shooting Gallery. All your favorite newbie morons are here, Leeo, DishWater, DekeFentle and of course, everyone's favorite target Lawyer) …

We also have Miss Kitty's Burlesque, featuring: dancing Lawyers, Hiram juggling, the disappearing Nijis, and the celebrated Mr. Kite on trampoline.

Amazing sights and sounds from other 'Poolers disturbed beyond mention await within. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.

Leeo

04-10-2001, 02:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by chrisl:
A file is on the way to Leeo, who will be playing Allies. I was too lazy to put in a scenario briefing, but I'll put one here.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>The Allies? I can't stand them!

<LI>A river crossing? I can't swim!

<LI>An uber weapon? I can't believe it!

<LI>A chance to kick spooner's arse so bad he'll have to wipe his lips every time he takes a dump? I can't wait!
[/list]

Now sod off, all you low-numbered, "Look-how-lovely-and-special-I-am-in-a-lacey,-foppish-sort-of-way" knee-benders. Ya gits.

mensch

04-10-2001, 02:27 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Original winey blurbs by Joe Shaw:
Second, you poor fool, there is no taunt involved in your challenge and this IS the CessPool. Why if some rank newbie had wandered in and offered a challenge in that form we'd have laughed him off the board and rightly so.

Finally, SHOULD We honor you by accepted your FUTURE challenge (this one has gone by the board for the above referenced reasons) kindly send a setup that does NOT include the following which, regrettably, were included in your presumptious and premature setup:

1. NIGHT
2. GREEN troops
3. ARMOR type
4. RAIN
5. COMPUTER purchase

Now any one, two or even THREE of the

Joe

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe the picky git who can't stand the sight of smelling mistakes Shaw ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

well JOE you harried ass sex monkey it appears your decline to my battle shows that you are not only a one handed willy wacker but acctually showed fear in my set up!!! my my, it appears Joe has met his match this time you my sir are the first to decline a battle from me!! even the lowly pong accepted a nasty mix of crap I slurred together, heck Senachoman accepted a challange from me without knowing the mad mench can even bring him to his knees (sit down Mace).

Now an official challange you want? I would have like to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

joe your cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot, best you ask around people will obviously point you in the right direction so just to get rid of you.

so whats with this member number thing??? That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?

mensch

04-10-2001, 02:37 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally typed by Marlow:
I have a keyboard and look everyone!!! I can use my hands other then touching myself all day!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

hey Marlow pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn what you write.

lad, whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

I like you Marlow. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: mensch ]

mensch

04-10-2001, 02:51 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by jd:
Seen posted on the (gasp!)main board by mensch who is obviously patrolling for nubile young flesh<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

well JD.. may I call you buttmunch? well Mr. Munch as unlike you who have a main squeeze here in the Cess (your que Joe - *stands and bows*) I look for new "flesh" as you may call it.. but hark my words all this inbreeding causes nothing but sorrow, just look at Marlow for example he's so ugly, when he was a little boy, they had to put a pot roast in his lap so the dog would play with him. What a shame the mutt got carried away! still, the chewed-up look is in this season.

you don't like it... do something about it, I dare you to actually fire half of your one brain synap to think of something, take your time I wouldn't want to be the cause of any accident, I heard its hard enough for you breathing and moving your eyes at the same time.

Here's a scoopy snack chill.

-----------
www.derkessel.com (http://www.derkessel.com) Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"
-The_Capt

David Aitken

04-10-2001, 03:19 PM

Leeo wrote:
> David Aitken is now starting to complain about having chosen a rainy night scenario. He complains with good reason, for after I sprung a reverse slope ambush which destroyed a Churchill and a few squads, mortars, MGs, and other accoutrements of war, his Brits are now shooting up trees, bushes, rocks, and each other.

Good to see Leeo is keeping up on the PR. Indeed I trampled over a few of his Sturmgruppe squads on the way to the VL. Indeed I commented "nice ambush", words which appear to have gone to his head in a big way. In truth, it was such a poor ambush that his large and heavily armed platoon, supported by machineguns, panzerschrecks and miscellaneous others, couldn't even stop a platoon of British soldiers out walking the battalion Scottie dog, Hamish. It has, however, been a uniform characteristic of this battle that my men have suffered far more casualties from each other than from Leeo's bumbling Sturmkompanie thugs. By all rights he should have walked straight over me, but has thus far been responsible for precious few of my losses. I shall proceed with my imaginative tactics, and possibly end up somewhere near the VL in the process.

DekeFentle

04-10-2001, 04:25 PM

Just a quick "bugger off" to all you poolers. I find my time constrained by the real world of late but don't think I'm not lurking.

Game update to follow in a couple of days.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: DekeFentle ]

Berlichtingen

04-10-2001, 05:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
HardSpooner old sausage, you are indeed fortunate that in these days of enlightenment, in these days of the New 'Pool, in these days of sensitive new-age guyness , that a Kniggett of the "Old 'pool", may not ride out upon the heath atop his mighty squire and run you through with his lance like the perforated abcess that you are.
I am tempted sorely to crush you like a teenage pimple on prom night, but alas, tradition dictates that you must bitch fight a lesser mortal than I.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sorrry to be the one to point out your obvious mistake, but...
Knights make their own rules, so lance away

Berlichtingen

04-10-2001, 05:18 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by mensch:
and berli no gamey map edge hugging this time!! you smelly balding old guy.. jeezus 40... I heard Christ has 55!!! the only one older then you is George Burns and he had 2!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Gamey: The refuge of the tactically challenged. Might I suggest that you cover your flanks? Oh? Haven't gotten to the 'flanks' part of your 'tactics coloring book' yet?

04-10-2001, 05:20 PM

Ahh mensch (may I call you...hell I don't even care enough about you to call you at all) It's so nice to see your pedophiliac trolling butt munching silly Elvis wankers sophmoric sophism pederasty on display for the masses.

That being said, why don't you take the plethora of brain cells you have (since they all seem to be firing at once) and bury it in a pile of refuse so the cows don't eat it, sicken and die. BME (bovine mensch encephalitis) with the Jackob-Crutch-mensh variat no doubt) That explains some of the drivelous and endless cortex upheveals you have subjected us to in the past.

Go sniff your elderberries, toad.

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

imported_Wildman

04-10-2001, 05:28 PM

Ahh, a curse on your short and curlies eveyone one of you bastards.

I see that the taunt is not the way you level in the Cess is found anymore. Appartently it is the number by your name. Which is good for that Nasty Mormon Wife showing, bunghole Shaw. His drivel has become moronic of late and now he can scrape up some sembalence of importance by a three digit number.

Game Updates:
The game with the evil one Berli is coming to a close, we see the last movie this turn. A sad state of events when all I'm hoping for is a draw. The compleletly useless wanker pulled a evil, fast one. He bought absolutly NO vehicles or armor of any kind in a defend of his town. He did however by the gamey standard SMG troops and the heidiously ugly six or seven MG pillboxes. So while I was able to find equality based on my oh so historically accurate-based forces.

I'm sure that StevetheGit has already crowed about his win in Marlow's nightmare of a scenario Peng's Crossroad. Of course Marlow has already admitted the German forces I was assigned were not enough for the task and he is going to alter the scenario now.

As for my trusty kaniggit, he has lost all his armor and is now gamily exploiting the obviously under-powered MG model, by charging two full companies of Iowa corn-fed troopers across the empty field and into the town. He will die slowly and in copious amounts.

Speedy and I continue to stumble around in the rain, however, trying to attack with towed AT guns has got to be a bitch....right Speedy the Gamey Bastard(tm)

The Lawyer continues to complain about the mass-wave attacks on his left flank. Of course his obvious incompentance is the only reason a platoon now is a "human-wave attack."

As for the rest of you sorry, pathetic, useless wastes oxygen; your turn to be mulched is comming.

MrPeng

04-10-2001, 05:50 PM

Gentleworms: I have lowered myself to write to you during the day and sober.

Game updates:

I am playing games with some people. I am winning some of the games. I am losing some of the other games. Some of the games may end up as a draw.

Who cares?

I have been reading the board, well, the Peng thread mostly, Nothing to see here. Can't stand to write with all those smilies staring at me.

I have been considering the sequential numbering of files...more about that later. Suffice to say I am going to come down on the side of Elvis on this particular matter. Rant to follow when I get a belly full of cheap booze and 36 hours of sleep deprivation. That should be in about 8 more hours. We'll have to see.

I also need a new sig. since I return files at the rate of one per ice age i cannot wait for the mace fight to end for my new sig.
the current one stolen from despair.com has outlived its usefulness and makes me vomit when i see it. if any of you greasy foreigners come up with a new sig for me there is a shiney new american dollar in it for you. if any of you americans come up with a new sig for me you can go pound sand, you should be on your knees begging to be my garscon du piss.

I hate life, I hate computers, I hate games. The only things I like are cheap booze and cheaper women, preferably ones that do not spring a leak when you hump them too hard - the women that is, not the booze bottles. I will be drunk again many many times before I am laid again and this has made me bitter. Damn women, damn them, wives and mothers, and the children they create. Damn.

Peng

Iskander

04-10-2001, 06:32 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by mensch:
well JD... hark my words all this inbreeding causes nothing but sorrow, just look at Marlow for example he's so ugly, when he was a little boy, they had to put a pot roast in his lap so the dog would play with him...

I dare you to actually fire half of your one brain synap to think of something...
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My God, but you're boring. I realize now that I should be quite thankful for how few words you use when returning the file to me in our game that you've been losing since the third turn but are too daft to give up.

So, in addled, sophomoric frustration you lash out at the Just and Noble Soul, jd. And what is to be done? What epithet can be applied to you than has not already? Being from Inuit-south you already carry the Mark of Trudeau; certainly punishment enough from Him? No? Well, allow me to add:

1. Folks like you with a family stalk would do very well to not discuss "inbreeding."
2. While we cannot dispute that Marlow must rely upon a pot roast in his lap for canine companionship, at least he did not go down your path of putting a wig on it and treating it like his wife...
3. And, a mere half synapse of my Most Just and Gracious Lord would more than equal every thought you have managed to string together in your wasted life, and that includes those you have had when "tenderizing your pot roast."

Your posts are as pathetic as your tactics. Oh, wait, maybe it was the other way around?

David Aitken

04-10-2001, 06:36 PM

MrPeng wrote:
> the current one stolen from despair.com has outlived its usefulness and makes me vomit when i see it.

I have to say, don't Yanks seem to spend a lot of their time vomiting? I mean, I might dislike something, or it might annoy or depress me, but I can't say I often just spontaneously throw up over some trivial matter.

Abbott

04-10-2001, 06:47 PM

Would someone please supply the page number in the manuel where "DO A SEARCH" can be found?

Lorak

04-10-2001, 07:07 PM

A HAHAHHA You useless wankers!
My net connection at home is now up and running again! So you can all drop to your knees and beg for mercy like the mangy mutts you are.

I managed to get all my backlogged game turns sent out today.

A small update for your viewing pleasure.

GiTom... Game is on its last turn. It is a sad day indeed when all I have to hope for is a draw. I do find his gamey tactics of shooting my guys and contolling flags highly revolting.

Iskander... Has decided on the "bum rush" tactic. I wouldn't mind so much if I had anyone left alive to defend against it.

Croda... Has given me the defense on a map that no one in thier right mind would defend on.

Mace...Has given me some kind of strange scenario that has me worried. I have a lot of american armor... which means this must be a test scenario of german AT guns.

Goanna... taking a little time of thinking how gamey he must appear giving me the polish.

Hakko... still in that turkish prison.

All in all some nice little games going on right now in the pool. And better still they all appear to be keeping my losing record on the uprise.

Lorak the loathed

Clash

04-10-2001, 07:49 PM

Since my high member number and tradition, both appear to prevent me from addressing the lower echelons of the pool, I won't.

So, I am forced to address this message to the canned sheep that follow in their wake. Those destined to spend their days sat on their ass in a perpetual cloud of horse fart.

Yes, you! The Sancho Wannabees! Oh keepers of the baggage... Send me a map, of your own choosing, for I wish to serve your vanity for supper... When I've given you a good `Clashing' and you return home bemoaning your dents and bruises, then perhaps we'll see if your masters joust at giants, or windmills.

Mace

04-10-2001, 08:02 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Marlow:
Ladies and GentleWorms, Children of all ages, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Come one, Come all, and behold the freaks of the Cesspool.

....

See the amazing collection of semi-human abominations Amazing sights and sounds from other 'Poolers disturbed beyond mention await within. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

...you forgot the village idiot, MARLOW!!! :D

04-10-2001, 09:26 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Clash:
Since my high member number and tradition, both appear to prevent me from addressing the lower echelons of the pool, I won't.

So, I am forced to address this message to the canned sheep that follow in their wake. Those destined to spend their days sat on their ass in a perpetual cloud of horse fart.

Yes, you! The Sancho Wannabees! Oh keepers of the baggage... Send me a map, of your own choosing, for I wish to serve your vanity for supper...
When I've given you a good `Clashing' and you return home bemoaning your dents and bruises, then perhaps we'll see if your masters joust at giants, or
windmills.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>What have we here? Hmmm style points for mild literary allusion and a an amusing trifle of an image for anyone who has ever rode horses out on the trail. Attempt at multiple usage and play on name that frankly, doesn't work well. Let's say 3/10.

On the other hand major fault marks for 1) ridiculous handle that keeps bringing to mind over age rock 'n roll band 2) failure to address remarks to individuals of the sub genus pool (proto-hominids all, since the Pongoids wouldn't have them, the chimps complained to the EEOC) 3) limp wristed syntax
that only moves the lower intestines, 4) lack of bile, more phlegm colored if you ask me. In short, get lost ya pissant.

Mensch, this is all your fault. traipsing around out there on the main board, dropping your pherome drenched trou's for every floncy drive by poster. You clean up after "it"

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

MrPeng

04-10-2001, 09:55 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:
MrPeng wrote:
> the current one stolen from despair.com has outlived its usefulness and makes me vomit when i see it.

I have to say, don't Yanks seem to spend a lot of their time vomiting? I mean, I might dislike something, or it might annoy or depress me, but I can't say I often just spontaneously throw up over some trivial matter.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, this from a man in the land of Haggis.

Berlichtingen

04-10-2001, 11:28 PM

Stuka

04-11-2001, 12:04 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:
Sorrry to be the one to point out your obvious mistake, but...
Knights make their own rules, so lance away[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ooooroighty then!
So be it!
The newbie, non 'pooler, radish fondler, Harpoontanger shall be gang bashed by Knigget and Squire alike!
Berli, a map of your utmost evil if you would be so kind, Sir.
The vineyard one I started with Squirmingirl should do nicely. We only got to turn 2 before Andreas ran screaming from the battlefield, tiara askew and mascara running, crying "gamey" "gamey" as he broke a heel in his flight and the tears flowed.
And should the hippy cousin of Meeks fall beneath the sword of Stuka/Leeo, I propose he be banished to a place of eternal torment, like Seanichi's sock drawer.

Seanachai

04-11-2001, 01:21 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Elvis:

I would like to formally charge David Ohmyaikenhead with cheating. He somehow was able to, thru telpathy is my guess right now, get into my head and cause me to do things I would never consider doing on my own (sit down bauhaus).
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm sorry, but it's pretty much apparent to all on this Thread that the only thing, Elvis, that makes it's way to your head and influences your behaviour is whatever new form of ethyl alcohol you and Peng have found, whether by ragpicking, or distilling your cats' urine mixed with raisins and potato peels. Which reminds me, why have you and Peng discontinued shipping me communion wine?

Leeo

04-11-2001, 02:04 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

And should the hippy cousin of Meeks fall beneath the sword of Stuka/Leeo, I propose he be banished to a place of eternal torment, like Seanichi's sock drawer.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sire, I trust the previously described scenario presented by chrisl will serve for this poor spawn of a termite's demise? After all, chrisl was so excited and all about his little puppy of a scenario, it'd be a shame to ignore him. It's like his only begotten bastard of an offspring. So, I say softmooner and I give the scenario a rough, thorough abusing, and then leave it crying in the bushes with it's knickers round it's ankles. "Uber-weapon of doom." Sheesh. And I suppose I'll have a whip-wielding shapshooter named "Indiana".

Seanachai

04-11-2001, 02:20 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Stuka:
Ooooroighty then!
So be it!
I propose he be banished to a place of eternal torment, like Seanichi's sock drawer.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Stuka.

Stuka, Stuka, Stuka, my soft plushy toy, rather stained with too much cuddling by too many children bereft of handkerchiefs. I thought to present you with a manly dismissal, but I cannot find anything in your post on which to hang anything but scorn, and a feeling of sadness that the Commonwealth has come to this.

You 'fear' my sock drawer? Even Freud would wander away from this one, shaking his head and spitting loudly and vulgarly on the sidewalk.

We all delighted in your 'elf' or 'Charlian' ears. It was a wonderfully whimsical moment in the Peng Challenge Thread, which is normally so wound up with attempts at taunting and people sputtering and justifying their own lack of playing skills, that the thought of you running into a head-wind and taking flight, like some odd cross between Dumbo and the Flying Nun, was a much enjoyed moment of levity here in the Thread.

In a word, lad, we laughed our arses off at you.

I beg you, Stuka, desist from the 'gamey' humour references, which are beginning to sound just a bit smugly defensive. Return to naked skydiving, which, however aggressively 'thingy' oriented, stirred the imaginations of our more primitive members (Sit Do- sod it all for a game of tin soldiers, jump up and get all jiggy with it, Bauhaus!).

And Stuka, lad. Stay out of my sock drawer. The thought of you going through them is putting me right off my food.

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

chrisl

04-11-2001, 02:25 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Leeo:
Sire, I trust the previously described scenario presented by chrisl will serve for this poor spawn of a termite's demise? ... "Uber-weapon of doom." Sheesh. And I suppose I'll have a whip-wielding shapshooter named "Indiana".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I trust that the scenario arrived safely. I wouldn't want it to catch cold or anything-- I spent a good fifteen or twenty minutes putting it together. I think it's pretty well balanced, but I'm afraid to play it. I'm afraid to even look at it in fact, and had to have one of the cats zip it and send it to you. It goes to eleven. If the two of you don't post regular updates on the carnage I'll have Seanachai and that other guy...what was his name...Slaw...no...Paws....whatever, something like that. I'll have them come to your house, with jd in his greenest jacket, and bore you to death with extreme prejudice.

Speedy

04-11-2001, 02:43 AM

Attention Lorak.
It is my melancholy duty to inform you that the nefarious creature, Mace, has beaten a surrender out of my poor soul on one of Runes' evil snowy things.
I'm sure the public servant will come along and gloat just as soon as he gets home from his daily taxpayer funded holiday.

Seanachai

04-11-2001, 02:52 AM

Now, currently I am playing a thoroughly huge number of people. Or rather, those rather like people, although many are insufficiently evolved enough to actually deserve the apellative 'people'.

But there are those within these hallowed and rather moist and tacky halls that I feel the need to meet in single combat. So, should these same souls have a slot open in the next few days when a few of my current games run down, or should they just wish to set lance in rest against their better, I would make point as follows:

It is unacceptable that the One, True, and Thoroughly Despised Lawyer of the Peng Challenge Thread, that is, JD Morse (sod all this sporty jd ****e, the useless bugger will always be 'Morse' to me) and I have only managed to achieve a rather disturbing pattern of 'Draws'. There Can Be Only One (this must be said in a rather strangely 'Peter Lorre' sort of voice. I have it on good authority). Therefore, at his convenience, the Artiste formerly and eternally known as JD Morse should send me a setup, in which some sort of resolution must be sought.

Now, proceeding to the 'New Chums' (and I am, of course, using 'chum' not so much in the way of 'friend' as 'oily, partially decayed and bloody fish entrails scattered upon the water in the hopes of achieving larger and much more significant prey') I also desire, at some point in time, a game against Marlow. This one has been coming. It is time to face the end of your River Journey, lad.

Also, when Foobar and Roborat are through trying to kill each other while weeping disconsolately on each other's shoulders over the horror of a scenario they were given to work through, I would be quite pleased to show them what snivelling little flutterbugs they are, and teach them a new meaning to the word 'pain'. That's right, having to read my email exchanges while we swap turns.

Finally, in the New, Open, Accepting Spirit of the Peng Challenge Thread, I would like to say to everyone else who wants to play me: take your temperature with your finger, and then suck on it like a popsicle stick.

Oh, except Shandorf. You should in fact do the finger/popsicle stick thing, but I will play you again as soon as you have time.