==) FAQ (== How to Take a Screenshot and Other CM Goodness

[russellmz]

<big><font color="AA0000"><big>Frequently Asked Questions (now with answers!)</big></font>

also check out the <big><font color="0000BB">Combat Mission 2: Barbarossa to Berlin FAQ (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=23;t=002148)</font>
</big>

First off, Probably the Number One Most Frequently Asked Question

How do I take a screenshot? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016331.html)
"On a Mac press Command + Shift + 3. A file will appear on your hard disk called Picture 1. Subsequent screenshots take subsequent numbers.

On a PC press Print Screen. This saves the screen to the clipboard. Then open Paint and use Ctrl + V to paste to a new document." -Big Ron
</font>But for Voodoo 1 and 2 users, you need to download a screenshot utility such as Hypersnap (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=020702), and use it's Special Capture function.

Now then,

Look at the FAQs! Also a very good search (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=search&search_forum=1) function is available above. It is sometimes quicker at answering your questions then waiting for a reply.

The search function has recently been updated and should get you there most of the time. You can search by member number (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=9&t=000477) to narrow and speed your search. BTS' number is 42.

http://www.ponyshow.com/search.jpg
(thanks for the swell image Dogface!)

CMBO FAQ at battlefront.com (http://www.battlefront.com/products/cmbo/FAQ.html)

CAR_12 has an excellent FAQ at his webpage(look for a FAQ link there)
CAR_12's CM for Macs Webpage (http://cm4mac.tripod.com/)

wargamer.com's FAQ, based on posts by Steve and Charles
The Wargamer CM FAQ (http://www.wargamer.com/cm/faq.asp)

Mina's Combat Mission Site
Combat-Mission.com FAQ's (http://hem.passagen.se/combatmission/faq.htm) and also useful is the Terms (http://hem.passagen.se/combatmission/terms.htm) page.


<font color="BB0000"><big>Board Culture, Usage, and Vocabulary</big></font>
How do I use the UBB Board?
How to (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=faq):
o make smillies
o change your profile
o find out about setting preferences
o clear cookie
o and much more!

How do I (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/ubbcode.html):
o post urls and images
o quoting messages
o email
o bold and italicize
o bullets/lists
o preserve formatting

How do I look at the UBB with no frames (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=1)?

How do I become a member?
You need to post 30 messages.

How many posts do I have?
There is a "my profile" link at the top of the page.

What's with all the Peng threads? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015906.html)
After a certain while a Peng thread (aka the Cesspool) gets so big that the UBB crashes(bad). Hence, new Peng threads. Here is the Peng FAQ (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=018987) for reader confusion. (and another here (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=021167)) As to WHY the Peng threads, it is a place for mock insults at your opponents and match finding. Go in at your risk, and bring a thick skin.

Who moderates/represents the BTS BBS/company?
Big Time Software(Steve or Charles), Madmatt, and KwazyDog.

How do I get a link/image in my signature?
Images are not allowed in your signature.

Where can I test my signature?
Just add a post to the end of a topic. People will understand.

What's with all the "Hi Mom!" posts in certain threads?
The moderators lock down threads that threaten to spiral out of control into flamefests. Posters who think this is going to happen sardonically post "Hi Mom!" since you want to say hi to mom before the thread's locked.

What's with all the gerbil and hamster talk?
Most probably from the SS are overpriced hamsters! (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/007449.html) thread. Now it's part of the board vernacular.

What's an Uber Tank?
The biggest and baddest tanks in the game. Mostly German, they are the heaviest tanks in the game, and are almost impervious to smaller enemy tanks. A few examples are the Tiger, Panther, Jumbo, and Pershing. There are others as well.

What's a mod slut?
Someone who always searches for, downloads, and uses new mods for the game.

What's this abbreviation mean?
o AP: armor piercing
o HT: Half-track, an armored car with front wheels but tracks in the back.
o ME: Meeting Engagement, a type of quick battle between two sides with equal number of purchase points.
o MG: Machine gun. There is also HMG, MMG, LMG for heavy, medium, and light mg.
o PBEM: Play By E-Mail, playing another human by sending turns through email
o QB: Quick Battle, the random scenario generator
many others... (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=021048&p=)

What's tungsten?
Tungsten is a very dense metal used even today in armor piercing shells. They are used very effectively against German tanks but are less available in the early months of the war.

<font color="BB0000"><big>TCP/IP and PBEM</big></font>
Where's the TCP/IP patch?
"If you have the retail version of CMBO (CDV version) don't install the 1.12 patch!!!! That may be your problem. Or any patch on the BTS website, your version is 1.12 already, even though it may say 1.03 or something like that."
-Panzerman

If you have a really old copy of CM and bought it over the Internet then get the patch if the version you have at the bottom of you intro screen is less than v1.12.

<a href="http://www.battlefront.com/downloads/index.html">Da' Latest Patch<a/>. Scroll down till you see Combat Mission in Patches.

How do I find an opponent?
There is an opponents forum at battlefront:
CM Opponent Finder (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=11&SUBMIT=Go). Also try the Tournament House Gaming League (http://www.tournamenthouse.com/CM/) and Combat Mission HQ (http://www.combatmission.com:8000/) chat rooms.

How do I tell my IP address?
1) Use this URL: http://www.google.com/search?num=100&hl=en&lr=lang_en&q=find+your+ip
2A) choose RUN from the Start menu and type "WINIPCFG". Then click one of the connection devices, and it will reveal your IP.
2B) If you are using Mac, look at the TCP/IP setting in the Control Panel.
3) Host a TCP/IP game, then your IP address is shown automatically.[last two from GriffinCheng+]

How do I switch from TCP/IP to PBEM? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015686.html)

How can I make PBEM easier? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015959.html)
You have two major choices: the PBEM (http://www.sci.fi/~fuerte/pbem.htm) utility by Fuerte or CM: One Click to Combat (http://home.worldnet.att.net/~kyleneet/CMOneClick/) by Kman. Both have been recieved positively by the CMers on this forum.

What are Fionn's Short 75 / Panther-76 Rules?
Fionn's Rules can be found here (http://www.rugged-defense.nl/cm/Fionn3.htm). They were rules set up to prevent every engagement from being an uber tank battle(ex. all King Tigers vs. all Super Pershings).

How is scoring done? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=019346)
redwolf has provided a detailed explanation on the exiting of units. SurlyBen provides a mathematical formula for general score computation.

What and where is the BaDco Endgame Randomizer? (http://www.badcoinc.com/ber/)
"The BER's purpose is to randomize when the actual last turn of the game will occur, thus making games much more challenging." -BaDco Endgame Randomizer Website

<FONT color="BB0000"><big>Gameplay</big></font>
Where can I find a beginner's newbie reference for strategy?
o Markshot's Anthology of Useful Posts (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=7&t=000812)
o David's CM Thread Archive (http://www.reckoning.demon.co.uk/cm/links.htm)
o Tournamenthouse's Player's Guide to Combat Mission (http://home.kscable.com/mindex/npg.html)

How do I order infantry mounted on a vehicle to a fixed spot and disgorge the troops? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015131.html)
Order the troops to move to the spot you want, and add some pauses so that it covers the time of the trip, plus command delay.

Why did my embarked unit not get off that tank? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/017270.html)
Originally posted by kump:
When you dismount, always dismount right next to the vehicle, somewhere close.

If your dismount point is a good distance away from the mounted vehicle, the passengers will stay mounted, even with vehicles paused. They are waiting for the vehicle to approach close to the dismount point.

So try it out. Pause the vehicle, plot it to move, and at the same time, plot the passenger to dismount right next to the vehicle. Then plot the passenger to move away. Turn vehicles off if the "embark" keeps happening when you try to dismount close.

After following the above, I've ceased having dismount problems. See if it works for you.</font>How do I get my vehicle to move away after is drops off it's passengers? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=13&t=010460)
Originally posted by L.Tankersley:
Additional notes to the above: you don't actually need to stop but you can't be moving at Fast speed. If you want to keep the vehicles moving (e.g.to get them out of harm's way quickly) you can shift them to Move speed briefly right at the point you want the troops to disembark. I find that having the vehicles turn around a bit at Move speed pretty much guarantees the infantry will have enough time to get out. It also helps if the disembark movement order for the infantry is to a point as close as possible to the vehicle's track. You can issue additional movement waypoints to get away from the vehicle if needed.</font>How do I un-bog my vehicle?
There is a chance that you will not un-bog at all and become immobilized. But the current feeling is to simply leave it alone or remove all movement orders of the vehicle and then have the vehicle back-up straight. Also, there is a theory that hitting one bogged tank with another until it gets shoved onto solid ground will help (unconfirmed though).

What do asterisks on a building indicate? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=018303)
The building has suffered some damage if there is one star, and major damage if there are two. (You should evacuate any troops you have in a building with **)

How do I remove roadblocks?
"...not be able to clear roadblocks. The ones simulated in CM are assumed to be very difficult to remove, and therefore can not be done so within the scope of the game." -Steve

<font color="BB0000"><big>Reality</big></font>
Is there a difference between the Porsche and Henschel (normal) turrets? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=021395)
"There are differences the most apparent is the shot trap the Porsche turret presents. That is on reason why the Henschel turret was used (it was also easier to manufacture)." -Priest

My King Tiger/Super Pershing/Uber tank missed fifteen times and got killed by a Stuart/Lynx/wuss tank! How did that happen?
Sometimes bad luck happens, even in war. The little units may be computers but they act like men, so there will be screw-ups, chokes, and bad karma. On the technical side tanks have weak spots, poor armor quality, or even design flaws. Plus, the Allied tanks have and now use tungsten rounds in the new 1.1 patch, a major tank killer.

When and where am I most likely to bog my tank?
There was an unofficial test done to determine bogging probability (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/012864.html).
Originally posted by: joeri
After thinking this over for a while I have made the following assumption on how it works:
Chance of bogging is dependent on:
- ground condition (unknown how but probably just how deeper the mud/snow the more chance)
- terrain type (open terrain gives highest chance, then wheat, then brush, then scattered trees and lowest chance on roads)

Movement order has no influence because when ground conditions are bad, the driver automatically takes the slowest possible speed. Exception is reverse which removes the chance of getting bogged (this is probably a bug).

Based on these assumption best tactics in bad conditions would be (if roads are not available):
- use reverse whenever no contact is expected (and you don't mind taking advantage of a possible bug).
- use rough terrain like scattered trees and avoid open terrain when advancing to contact.

Totally different from how I used to do it.</font>How do I un-bog my vehicle?
There is a chance that you will not un-bog at all and will be immobilized. But the current feeling is to remove all movement orders of the vehicle and then have the vehicle back-up straight.

Do vehicles provide cover for infantry? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013585-2.html)
Only if they are knocked out and burning because the smoke blocks line of sight(LOS). The calculations are too complex for CM to do it while the vehicles are on the move.

How come my tank fired at a nearby target and died when nothing hit it? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016318.html)
If the target was too close the main gun's blast knocked out the tank. You can check if this is so by clicking on the unit, pressing ENTER, and clicking "kills". The tank should list itself as a kill.

How did a machine gun take out my tank? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016281.html)
Depends on how close the machine gun was and it's ability to penetrate armor. Angle and armor quality also factors in. For example, a Hetzer's side armor cannot withstand a .50 caliber machinegun at medium to close range. (The .50 caliber was designed to take out light armor) Here is a example of the MG42 and .50 caliber's penetrating power:

http://russellmz.homestead.com/files/Images/russell-image002.jpg

Why is the M16 MGMC Quad .50 AA vehicle not included? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/017774.html)
"BTS ran out of time. There is an official statement, and many discussions relating to this topic, and it brings forth a lot of passion amongst people." -Germanboy

Do machine guns on vehicles jam or get damaged? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013493.html)
No, but they may get knocked out if the main gun gets damaged.

Can my tank fire its machine gun if it fired off all its heavy gun ammunition? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=018196)
Yes, if it has MG ammunition left. You can check this by clicking on the unit and hitting enter.

Do machine guns jam or get damaged at all?
Yes, a machine gun can indeed JAM. What's cool is that the gun crew can unJAM it given enough experience and time. Machine guns can also be immobilized.

Why can't my light/heavy machine gun run?
They have to carry the machine gun(heavy), spare gun barrels(a bit of weight), and ammo(really, really heavy). See the links so kindly provided by Lindan: spur of the moment complaining (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/005270.html) and David Aitken: Light MG 42's speed (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/009198.html)

A human wave overran my position even though I had machine guns. Are they modelled properly? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=018079)
Basically, they are modelled fairly well, although they cannot be told to do some common techniques that stop human waves(grazing fire, fire arcs). Read especially the long BTS post by Steve on page 8 (yeah, page 8).

How did that human wave attack succeed?
The human wave succeeded for several reasons:
o if it suffered a 40-60 percent loss, than that's not a good thing for the attacker, and hardly something for the enemy to cheer about
o your machine guns were alone
o your machine guns were right in the front line instead of being far back. They work best if the enemy is at least 300m away.
o you told the machine gunner to target one unit in particular. Even if it breaks and runs away, it will ignore other squads running straight at it longer than if you left the machine gun to fire on it's own judgement.

Why do the firepower stats not add up for some German squads? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016184.html)
Most likely the squads have a light maching gun, the MG42, which requires two men to man. One soldier with a rifle will drop his rifle and help with the more deadly LMG.

Why can't crews reman guns and tanks after they are abandoned? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=022709)
It is presumed that the gun or tank was so damaged the crew could not fight with it and thus had to abandon it. Plus, when abandoning a gun it was SOP to disable it.

Does anyone know where one can get good topological maps of European battlefields? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013605.html)
Of course, there is also Topozone (http://www.topozone.com/).

Why can't I have a roster of all my troops? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016124.html)

Why isn't there white phosphorus in CM? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/000420.html)
"WP was, so far as our research shows, rare on the battlefield. Very few weapons could fire it, so right there we question if we should bother with it in the first place. And when used HE or Smoke could have done just a good of a job at CM's level." -Steve

Why can't my artillery spotter hide and fire at the same time?
It can (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015253.html). It will have reduced accuracy and longer response time.

Why does the artillery clock countdown at 2 sec for every second in real time? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016207.html)
That will happen if the oberver doesn't have a clear LOS. it will only move at 1 sec/1 sec if there is a clear LOS to the target. Unit experience also is a factor I believe.

How much does it take to destroy a bridge? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/017076.html)
Generally wooden bridges blow up in a few turns. Stone bridges are tougher. The large heavy stone bridge needs 14 inch guns or 300mm rockets to destroy in any decent amount of time.

[ October 18, 2002, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: russellmz ]

[russellmz]

<font color="BB0000"><big>Graphics</big></font>
Why does my font look funny/transparent? (http://www.battlefront.com/products/cmbo/troubleshooting.html)
If you have the retail version of CM, and installed the versio 1.12 for the Internet version, you may have fouled your graphics. Also, some video card drivers that came out after CM was finalized caused problems for CM. BTS troubleshooting guide (http://www.battlefront.com/support/cmtroubleshooting.html) gives cards and links to the latest drivers that may solve these problems.

The Technical Support Forum (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=8&submit=Go) is also a useful place for help.

How do I take a screenshot? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016331.html)
Possibly the most asked question.
"On a Mac press Command + Shift + 3. A file will appear on your hard disk called Picture 1. Subsequent screenshots take subsequent numbers.

On a PC press Print Screen. This saves the screen to the clipboard. Then open Paint and use Ctrl + V to paste to a new document." -Big Ron

But for Voodoo 1 and 2 users, you need to download a screenshot utility such as Hypersnap (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=020702), and use it's Special Capture function.

How do I change screen resolutions? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/018015.html)
"Go to the CMBO directory and delete the "prefs" file. When you restart CM, you will be able to change resolutions." -Doug Williams

Why are there only three men max shown per squad? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/009785.html)
It takes too much computing power to show all 8-12 men. A lot of polygons go into those little men so tripling the number will tax almost any CPU/videocard.

Why isn't a bloody corpse shown for every casualty?
Again, too much computing power is required. Not only that but BTS felt that too much gore will detract from the game.

Can we have sandbags in the foxhole graphics? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013587.html)
Sorry no, the big, dark crater is the same picture as the foxhole picture.

How can I make 3D rubble? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016371.html)
Sorry, in CMBO it is a flat .bmp, not a 3D object. However you could place several roadblocks on top to simulate a pile of rubble, since they use the same bmp file.

"...there is one little 'trick' you can use; just raise the rubble tile 1 elevation level, compared to the surrounding tiles." -Fred

<font color="BB0000"><big>Mods and Sounds</big></font>
Where is Manx's Mod List?
It is gone until he can update CMHQ (http://www.combatmission.com). All his mods at Combat Missions were ported over, here is the temporary storage area (http://www.combatmission.com/cmsmods.asp).

Where can I get some cool mods? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=024612)
CMHQ (http://combatmission.com/) tops the list, be sure to check out Manx' old site their as well. Be sure to read this great article on CM mods (http://www.cdmag.com/Home/home.html?article=/articles/031/139/010131-01.html), written by one of this board's very own members! And also at Manx's temporary "holding area" (http://www.combatmission.com/cmsmods.asp) for all the Mods that have been ported across to CMHQ from COMBAT MISSIONS.

Where is Kump's Mod Catalogue (http://cmoutpost.net/lists/Catalogue.htm)?

How can I tell what part of the vehicle this texture is?
Voidhawk's Annotated Textures for CM:BO (http://home.att.net/~voidhawk_cm/annotated/index.html)

Where can I get the CM Mod Option Selector(CMMOS (http://www.combatmission.com/mods/cmmos.asp))?

Where can I find the DFDR desert mod?
The Desert Fox Desert Rats mod is at http://www.wargamer.com/cm/cmworld/dfdr.asp

Where can I find the Frontovik mod?
The Frontovik Russian theatre mod is at http://www.wargamer.com/cm/cmworld/frontovik.asp

Where can I find Magua's Normandy mod?
Try this post (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=024641).

Where is Clubfoot's Utah Beach Terrain Mod?
Again, this is found at Combat Missions (http://www.combatmission.com/cmsmods.asp).

Can I mod items that are hard-coded? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=018559)
No, sorry.

...items that are hard coded:</font> Unit bases</font> Berrets</font> Pistols</font> On map mortars</font> MG tripods</font> Bazooka/Panzerschreck/PIATs</font>These are the items I remember straight off.
There may be more...
Cheers
Olle</font>.
Muzzle concussion, the flag poles, and the building collapse shockwave/debris cloud are hard-coded as well.
How do I change .bmp & .wav files to use on a Mac?
"The Mac Combat Mission Mod Manager (http://combatmission.com/mods/macmodmanagers.asp) (MCMMM - MCM3 for short) and the MacMod Manager (http://combatmission.com/mods/macmodmanagers.asp) are both at CMHQ under third party dl's iirc." -jd
.
Where can I find a PC Mod Manager?It is avaliable at CMHQ (http://www.combatmission.com/mods/pcmodman.asp)How do I change that background grass that stretches to infinity? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016449.html)
"The culprit bmp is 1503. Just take the hi-res equivalent, 1553.bmp, and copy it to 1503.bmp. Problem solved." -kump
Where can I find a list of all the .bmp files?
Right here (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=023625). Grass tiles are .bmp files 1550-1569. Google.com has a cache of Manx's old modlist (http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:JhVjiXtyvK4C:www.combat-missions.net/workshop/modlist.htm+combat+missions+bmp+list&hl=en&lr=lang_en) and one at WebArchive.org (http://web.archive.org/web/20010414105422/www.combat-missions.net/workshop/bmplist.htm).
Where can I find a sound map of the .wav files? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016285.html)
The above link goes to a thread where I posted a general sound map. Scroll down till you see a listing...
Why does the .wav file I added crackle and squeal in CM? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/011970.html)The .wav file should be at Mono 16 bit 44100 samples. Use a sound utility to make sure it has these properties.

How do I change that really loud exit sound? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016285.html)
Change file 00000171.wav and either use a computer sound recorder program to reduce the noise level or copy in a different sound like the sniper sound 00000410.wav or the "Taps" end of battle sound 00000129.wav.

[ October 06, 2003, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: russellmz ]

[russellmz]

<font color="BB0000"><big>Scenarios, Editing, and Work-arounds</font></big>
Where can I find some scenarios?
o Big Dog's Scenario Depot (http://www.dragonlair.net/combatmission/)
o Der Kessel (http://www.derkessel.de/)
o Military Gamer (http://www.militarygamer.net/combatmission/scenarios.asp)

How do I increase a scenario map to the South and West in the scenario editor?
On the width and height buttons, hold SHIFT and click the height and width buttons to increase/decrease map to the South and West.

Scenario Editing Guidelines: (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum6/HTML/001001.html)
Suggestions with comments, located in the Scenario Editing Forum (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=6&SUBMIT=Go).

How do I:
o generate a random map? There's an "Auto Generate" random map button at the top of the editor.
o turn off the numbers indicating height in terrain mode? There's a "Don't Show Height" button at the top left of the editor.
o add bocages, walls, hedges, etc.? There're more tiles than can be show in one screen. Hit the button with the down arrow above the tiles.
o edit a unit? In the unit listing double-click the unit you wish to edit, or click the edit button at the bottom of the screen.
o select unit positions Hit the "Preview" button near the top of the editor and place the units wherever you want on the map.
o liiiive without yooooou?
I waaant to knooow...

How can I get a copy of the briefing? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=026071)
"Hold down Ctrl and Shift and hit the Load Briefings button." -wolfe

Has anyone done any Saving Private Ryan scenarios?
Currently there are two (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t=001315).

How do I simulate a bridge/building demolition?
(the below is for a bridge demolition, however, the same idea is used for a building demolition)
On your scenario map put a grass or rough tile where you plan to put a WOODEN bridge tile. Dump ~12 enemy anti-personnel mines. It is important they be the enemy's and not anti-tank mines. Add a disposable squad or half squad to your scenario (at least 6 men) and name it something like "messengers". After going to Preview your map, put ALL the mines on that one grass tile where your bridge will be. Go to map editor again and put the wooden bridge tile in. Make sure you have engineers with plenty of demo charges, at least 6 charges in total.

Now in the game run your messenger over the bridge. That should set off a bunch of mines and reveal the position of the minefields (the squad should be dead by now because the mines are so densely packed). Rush your engineers there and they will start tossing demo packs after a minute or so. After 6 or 7 they will collapse the wooden bridge. Game over man, game over.

The bridge will still be crossable by vehicles, but of course with so many mines it will not be crossable by foot.

Also:
Originally posted by Panzer Leader:
TRP on the edge of the bridge, 240mm arty observer with an ammo of '4' and rename him to "Demo Expert." Make him expert or crack, and the bridge will blow 30 seconds after you order it blown. The ammo of '4' will keep the arty from being abused and it will give a very small chance of not taking it out.
I've never (in my testing) seen a failed bridge blowing with the above parameters, but a few times its been the very last shell which took it down.

Also keep in mind that this is for small bridges. I once had 2 240 mm spotters drop shells for 2 min. on a large concrete bridge and it never dropped.

How do I make reinforcements arrive in good order, rather than all jumbled up? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=018435)
"break your reinforcements up into 5 groups and use all the reinforcement slots" -Berlichtingen

How do I set the initial view for each side when the scenario starts?
Before you exit the editor, move the camera to the view that you want the Allied player to see when the game starts. Then for the Axis player, press "\", no quotes (not the turn 180 degrees key, other slash), then set the camera view. Press GO! and then save it.

How can I make 3D rubble? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016371.html)
Sorry, in CMBO it is a flat .bmp, not a 3D object. However you could place several roadblocks on top to simulate a pile of rubble, since they use the same bmp file.

"...there is one little 'trick' you can use; just raise the rubble tile 1 elevation level, compared to the surrounding tiles." -Fred

How can I edit a vehicle so it is immobilized?
No actual editor commands for that but I found a work around (I hereby claim credit for the rubble immobilization technique now and forever!). First, take the vehicle and padlock it exactly where you want. Go to the terrain editor and place a rubble or rough tile on top. The vehicle can still rotate, but it can't move out.

Why can't I edit my scenario after I playtested it?
If you saved it in the Saved Games directory and then saved it while testing it, then I am sorry to say you overwrote your scenario file with a saved game file. You cannot undo this. You can avoid this by ALWAYS saving your scenario in the Scenarios folder.

Tips and Tricks of CM Scenario Design (http://users.pandora.be/aneric/tipsindex.htm) has many scenario tips. Including, How to I make:
o rivers
o brooks
o slopes
o river crossings
o underpasses
o railway embankments
o diagonal slopes
o houses on slopes, next to roads, next to waterways

How can I put a gun in a house?
Same as above, place unit where you want, then put a terrain tile over it.

How can I edit a vehicle unit so it is gun damaged?
Edit the unit so it has no ammo.

How can I have a pillbox with a turrent? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t=001138)

How can I have a pillbox in the entrance of a fort? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t=001138)

How can I edit a unit so it has wounded?
Use split squads and make some of them shaken. That's the best idea I heard as of yet.

How do I make the AI attack better/more aggressively? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t=001029)
There are several ways that may or may not work.

TIPS & TRICKS (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000962)

Swap the map edges. So if Allied friendly edge is West, make it East in the scenario and vice versa for the Axis. Making an exit zone in the direction you want the enemy to advance also may help. You can also leave a path of flags for the AI to follow.

Also there is this tip:

Originally posted by James:
Here are some tips on senario design which give better AI performance from the infantry and more unpredicatble better fought meeting engagements. Here are the three steps.

First: In map preview split all squads. This may seem strange but what happens is the split squads behave with more caution, a more sensitive TacAI - they react more sensibily without needless sacrifice. Also the global moral of both sides drops to 55-70% making the overall AI more cautious and less prone to giving you a turkey shoot. The infantryman in CM is abstrated into squads, by splitting the squads that abstraction is also half as less.

Second: Remove all victory flags. What!? I hear you say! The trouble with VLs is that you know where the enemy will head for, even with dynamic ones, and all you have to do is get there first into cover to let the AI force his men relentlessly into your incoming until their all casulties or broken.

Third: Place exit zones for each side opposite each other. ie Allies start in the west advance to exit zone in the east and the opposite for Axis. What it actually does is give the Strat AI a fine balence between attack and defence. It will utilse both strategies with flexibility according to the situation and use any part of the map. It even withdraws in a hot spot to a better position. Actual exiting by the AI hardly ever happens, and there is no need for you to exit if you are concentrating on defeating the enemy. The exit zones are there not there as an objective but as a modification to the behavior of the AI.

These 3 steps may seem a bit strange but try designing a senario useing them all. Even an experienced CM player can actully be given a real challenge and be beaten by the AI without it having superior weight of numbers! I use forces of approximatly equal point strength all the time and the AI really gives as good as it gets. I have had some excellent battles and lost a number of times, drawn most times, won sometime. Not only does it feel more realistic it is a better game for useing these 3 steps.

How is scoring done? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016039.html)
A formula and explanation here (http://url=http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=16;t=019346).
Also, additional explanation of exit points and killing units (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/017915.html).

How to make a good Quick Battle (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=7;t=000962) (has many excellent ideas to improve AI behavior)

Tips and Tricks of CM Scenario Design (http://users.pandora.be/aneric/tipsindex.htm): has several facts about AI behavior

<font color="BB0000"><big>Misc</big></font>
Little Known CM features
</font> [ and ] will zoom the camera in and out</font> ctrl-A and ctrl-Z will move the camera angle up and down</font> alt-G provides warning labels for any events like a unit with low ammo or a vehicle elimination</font> If a half squad has an "!" in it's status box, you can get rid of it (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=020663) by rejoining the whole squad and splitting again.
</font>When will my copy get here? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/014130.html)
"Answer is that normally it takes about 3-5 days for an order to arrive in the US, about 10-15 elsewhere." -Steve
Also says it takes 2-4 times longer during the holiday season. Not to mention that BTS sometimes runs out of stock due to demand. Overseas can be even longer: for example, three weeks for Finland (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/015963.html). If you have problems, then email matt@battlefront.com.
Where can I find a list of units with statistics? (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=16;t=018563)"go to the Dogs of War (http://members.tripod.com/johnnocmdow/) website...halfway down the page on the left are links for different catagories of units, just about anything you could want." -Silvio Manuel
Chris' CM Scenarios and Unit Database Charts (http://users.erols.com/chare/cm/) also has CM statistics (go to bottom of page).
What's the latest patch?That would be v1.12. Be sure to get it here (http://www.battlefront.com/downloads/index.html). If you have bought CM during the past few months, it is already updated. There will be no other patches as CM2 is now being worked on.

How can I watch all the movies together?You probably can't. Unless you do PBEM(which saves movie files) you can't save movie files since a saved turn has a different outcome each time. If you do have PBEM files, KMan made a PC utility (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/016607.html) that works on some computers to play all the files.

What books do you recommend for WWII weapons and armor? (http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/017907.html)

Thanks to all who post answers to questions so I can just post a link to it, the CM webmasters, and of course, the FAQ bumpers, who have fancy plans, and pants to match.

<small>Feel free to copy, post, and modify it elsewhere (so long as it still has the correct answers). Please email any comments, suggestions, and especially corrections to russellmz@yahoo.com </small>

Originally posted by Germanboy:
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT BEFORE READING ON!!!!!
The only post truly worth reading is the first one. All the other posts are a public service mostly provided by people from the Peng Thread to keep the first post afloat. If you have any moral/legal/tastal/mammal or any other issues with the Peng Thread and its occupants, please refrain from reading on, since even JD Morse will not be able to get damages for you in that case. We will write a harmless story and promise to try very hard to behave and self-police this. Honest.
If you read on, you have been warned, don't come a-crying later.</font>

[ August 17, 2002, 12:46 AM: Message edited by: russellmz ]

[russellmz]

from last FAQ (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=020924)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:


find their way out of Mace's bedroom. Can't have them going to the Enquirer, or the Star, or some other pitiful grocery store rag that would explode the story of Mace's debauchery with sheep, using headlines like...<hr></blockquote>

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
from last FAQ (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=020924)

<hr></blockquote>

..."WHEN MAN NAMED AFTER MEDIEVAL WEAPON GOES TO BED, SHEEP COUNT HIM! REASON? HE..."

[russellmz]

"...HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF..."

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
"...HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF..."<hr></blockquote>

"being tardey with bumping up the FAQ to it's proper place!

Thas was equal to Russelmz's over use of capitilised letters, a crime that carried the penalty of"...

[russellmz]

"...being excoriated with..."

[Cubbies Phan]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
"...being excoriated with..."<hr></blockquote>

...evil thoughts from Osama bin Laden and his camel jockeys. Besides, OBL and his strange love for caves clearly explains why Mace loves sheep, and that's....

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

...no laughing matter! So one day, I thought to myself, "My that house could use a new roof!" And off I went, to ask the owners if they wanted a new roof. I was surpirsed to find that the onwers of the house were....

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
I was surpirsed to find that the onwers of the house were....<hr></blockquote>

...fondling small hairless rodents dressed in go-go boots. Of course, this was merely a diversionary tactic, as three crack platoons of beached manatees descended upon the hovel, dug in, and prepared to face the onslaught of über Bren tripods. Further research has shown that...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


...fondling small hairless rodents dressed in go-go boots. Of course, this was merely a diversionary tactic, as three crack platoons of beached manatees descended upon the hovel, dug in, and prepared to face the onslaught of über Bren tripods. Further research has shown that...<hr></blockquote>

...using tripods as weapon, even bren ones, is not as effective as using the actual bren machine gun. but nonetheless the manatees...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...but nonetheless the manatees...<hr></blockquote>

...were attired in their finest tanwater splinter camo smocks, scanning the horizon for any sign of the Herman's Hermits Reunion Tour. Not even 200 meters up the road, a recon battalion of paraplegic beatniks with bobsled mounted quad .50 cals silently prepared to swoop down upon our unsuspecting heroes and lay waste to...

[Edited by FSTK: because of the damn paint fumes]

[ 11-04-2001: Message edited by: Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife ]</p>

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

...Richard the 3rds castle. Luckily the casatle was well defended by our hero's, the crack manatee platoon. The platoon commander turned to his comrades, and shouted a cheering moral boosting cry, "Bring on your betniks! Bring on your bobsleds! You shall not claim this tower!" Cheers errupted from the castle, as .50 cal bullets began to pelt the stone massonary. The betniks...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
The betniks...<hr></blockquote>

...called up a special forces unit (the 1st girl guides) to lead the attack.

The girl guides were veterans, their door-to-door cookie selling techniques honed to a fine art after years of action.

Was the Manitee platoon concerned? The answer to that was.......

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

...burried under Charles' nacho cheese. Charles was standing on his porch chewing his nachos when suddenly he spyed the vetern Girl Guides. They porceded to whip small choclate cookies in his direction. He pulled out his.....

[russellmz]

...huge...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...huge...<hr></blockquote>

...jar of roasted habañero peppers, sprinkled some on his nachos and then threw the rest of the fiery condiment at the approaching "girl guides™", who promptly went from "ok" to "routed"
in under 3 seconds, and ran off the nearest map edge. Charles then stated he had no interest in depicting the girl guides TO&E in future versions of CM. At precisely this moment, one of the Manatee's NCOs pointed at the approaching bobsleds and screamed...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


...jar of roasted habañero peppers, sprinkled some on his nachos and then threw the rest of the fiery condiment at the approaching "girl guides™", who promptly went from "ok" to "routed"
in under 3 seconds, and ran off the nearest map edge. Charles then stated he had no interest in depicting the girl guides TO&E in future versions of CM. At precisely this moment, one of the Manatee's NCOs pointed at the approaching bobsleds and screamed...<hr></blockquote>

..."jagd-bobsleds!" yes, with a snow rider mark V hull, an enclosed superstructure with 2mm thick 99% quality plywood armor plating, and the infra-red thermal scopres, the jagd-bobsleds opened fire with...

[LGMB]

Sir,

...Nacho seeking quad .50 cal Niecho guns. Charles, nowing that the plywood on the hull offered about as much protection as a bloody sherman M4, simply hurled his nacho's in the general direction of the sleds. Massive explosions rocked the castle, as the bodsleds exploded in a ball of flame. White letters appeaered above the bobsleds, reading:
"Front upper sled penetration. Knocked out."
As charles completed his happy dance, the thrown room door exploded, and in walked.....

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
...and in walked...<hr></blockquote>

...an obese janitor, loudly eating cheez-ee puffs and brandishing a book on Ugandan armor doctrine while whistling the theme to "Diff'rent Strokes". He took one look at the point squad of manatee shock troops and exclaimed into his radio, "The last thing I'm gonna engage without proper air support is a platoon of portly water mammals dug in with high ground and the remastered Neil Diamond box set." Strains of "Cracklin' Rosie' were heard as blood curdling screams drowned out the high pitched...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


...an obese janitor, loudly eating cheez-ee puffs and brandishing a book on Ugandan armor doctrine while whistling the theme to "Diff'rent Strokes". He took one look at the point squad of manatee shock troops and exclaimed into his radio, "The last thing I'm gonna engage without proper air support is a platoon of portly water mammals dug in with high ground and the remastered Neil Diamond box set." Strains of "Cracklin' Rosie' were heard as blood curdling screams drowned out the high pitched...<hr></blockquote>

...girlish squeals of charles, as he berated steve "nacho nacho man" g, the cook of the cheese nachos.

CHARLES: these nachos blow chunks and bobsleds!

STEVE: wait till you get a look at my great souflee...

CHARLES: no one cares how beautiful the soufflee is if the appetizer is turds in a blanket!!!!

steve of course immediately...

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

...jumped into his, "Sleduka," and...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
...jumped into his, "Sleduka," and...<hr></blockquote>

...swooped over to the nearest Public Television station and started a syndicated cooking show utilizing only Russian field rations. Meanwhile, back at the castle, one of the manatee platoon leaders began hurling bags of deep fried pork rinds at the routing beatniks, who promptly...

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

.... Rallied, and began a clever flanking move, inforce. Steve, and his manatee comrades, thoguht it better to sallyforth and attack, then sit and defend. As they lowered the drawbridge, there was sundenlly a crackling scream, "Ohno a witch!" thought Steve, and sure enough, into the castle swooped Matt, ridding his magic broom stick. He turned to Steve and cackled, "....

[russellmz]

..."well my baldy,..."

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
..."well my baldy,..."<hr></blockquote>

..."lovely one. We have been through many adventures and I have suddenly realised one thing.

You are very special to me.

In fact, Madmatt, I think I love"....

[russellmz]

"...it when you..."

[LGMB]

Sodliers,

"Duck!" Steve and Matt dropped to the ground, when suddenly a large chocolate cokie hit the wall. "Steve WTF have you got yourself into?" Cried Matt, Steve turned to Matt and replied, "Quick, jump into my time machine!"
Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out his time machine. He flicked some noches, and presto- it was ready to go. "This better work Steve!" The manatees were inaged in brutal hand to hand combat, with the beatniks and girl guides. One of the manatees turned to Steve, and in a lispy but respectful voice, muttered, "Gloood, shluck tloo joo Sdeev!" Steve was about to respond, when that very manatee was skured by a Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife weilding beatnik. Steve and Matt wasted no more time, jumping into the time machine. There were many screams, and then landing with a thud, the two adventures found themself facing a small white rabit. The rabit ran down the hall, and then vanished behind a door. Steve....

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
Steve....<hr></blockquote>

...exclaimed, "Oh no you don't Mr. March Hare! I'm through with the whole magic mushroom phase (that was *so* 3 decades ago) and now I'm into this whole World War motif... besides - Lewis Carol wouldn't know what to do with a hetzer and 3 conscript volks SMG platoons anyway!" He then pushed the necessary buttons, dials, switches & knobs, (and other stereotypical time machine gizmos).

just then the time machine jolted to a halt, Steve & Matt stepped outside and...

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

...Were smothered by...

[russellmz]

...the incredible odor of...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...the incredible odor of...<hr></blockquote>

..hairy nips on a pregnant nanny-goat...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


..hairy nips on a pregnant nanny-goat...<hr></blockquote>


...who likes to sing songs about...

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:



...who likes to sing songs about...<hr></blockquote>

ed-you-kay-shun, and spellin', an' how it makes fer eazier readin' by the po' folks who stop by this thred once in a while.

Criminey MB, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, RABBIT .

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:
Criminey MB, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, RABBIT .<hr></blockquote>

...."Where's that pet rabbit disappeared too?", thought the housewife as she returned from shopping.

Walking into the kitchen she noticed that the large pot had been left simmering on the stove.

"Strange, I don't recall leaving that on?!"

Putting the groceries down on the table, she walked up to the stove, grabbed the pot lid and taking it off, peared into to the recepticle full of boiling water to find...........

[ 11-15-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]</p>

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:
...she walked up to the stove, grabbed the pot lid and taking it off, peared into to the recepticle full of boiling water to find...........
<hr></blockquote>

...Lord General's "Hooked on Phonics" workbooks simmering in a nice broth made of hideous spelling errors. "Ahh, alphabet soup again, dear?", said GAZ NZ as he came home from one of his Illuminati, UFO, New World Order job fairs and tweaked the missess on her bum. "Have you alerted all the heathens to the reality that bin Laden works for the SAS", she asked him as he removed his...

[Gyrene]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> By FSTK ...Lord General's "Hooked on Phonics" workbooks simmering in a nice broth made of hideous spelling errors. "Ahh, alphabet soup again, dear?", said GAZ NZ as he came home from one of his Illuminati, UFO, New World Order job fairs and tweaked the missess on her bum. "Have you alerted all the heathens to the reality that bin Laden works for the SAS", she asked him as he removed his...<hr></blockquote>

...Mind Reading Machine-Blocking tin foil hat.
"Hush Woman!" He said as he made his rounds of the house as he did when coming home every night. He drew all the shades down and checked all the lamps and fixtures for bugs.
"Someone can hear you! Do you want the neighbors to find out that GAZ NZ is just a cover I use to disseminate the truth in the Forum?" He continued, "Do you want the Men in Black to find out that I am really..."

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

....A small furry mammal with white fur? Now be quite, I gotta get my Mace detector."
He pulls out a small radar dish, and slips on some headphones. A beeping niose accompains the headphones, letting him know if there be any peeping Maces about. Making another trip around the house, he comes to his bedroom closet, were the beeping nioses begin to increase drastically. "Oh no!" He shouts as.....

[ 11-16-2001: Message edited by: Lord General MB ]</p>

[russellmz]

...he swept the room...on his detector, he saw mace shaped blobs edging closer...closer. "i got movement! multiple signals!"

"you're just reading me, dear," sez the missus.

"i'm telling you, there's something moving and it's ain't us! Twelve meters, woman...ten!" screamed gaz.

"you're simply not reading it right," sez the missus.

"it's reading right, woman, look!" cried gaz. "eight meters! six!"

"now dear, that can't be. that's inside the room silly," yawned the missus.

"they're all around us! great now what the hell are we supposed to do? we're in some real pretty stuff this time! four meters!"

"then you're simply not reading it right. look, i'm going to say good night and call it even, ok?" the missus went to bed while gaz wet himself and went the full hudson.

"they're coming out of the walls, they're coming out of the dang walls! they're gonna come in just like they did before and they're-gonna-come-in-and-come-in-and..."

[ 11-17-2001: Message edited by: russellmz ]</p>

[LGMB]

Soldiers,

....Drink tea?"

Mrs Featherfold, turned to her tea time partner Mrs Featherhold, and asked responded, "Yes please Mr Featherfold. Could you pass the....

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lord General MB:
Soldiers,

....Drink tea?"

Mrs Featherfold, turned to her tea time partner Mrs Featherhold, and asked responded, "Yes please Mr Featherfold. Could you pass the....<hr></blockquote>

...violently arcane non sequiturs? For as soon as GAZ NZ & his Mrs had left the small, light building**, Mr & MRs Featherhold-Featherfold (they were one of those non-linear, sharing type, communal marriage households) teleported in. They unlimbered a 75mm airborne pack howitzer and proceeded to enjoy tea, scones and raspberry jam whilst lobbing HE in the general direction of the Knights Templar & Illuminati annual picnic (where GAZ was the keynote speaker) being held in....

[ 11-18-2001: Message edited by: Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife ]</p>

[russellmz]

...the basement of...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...the basement of...<hr></blockquote>

...that place behind the...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...that place behind the...<hr></blockquote>

...porno rack at 7-11. It was later discovered that the nanny goat's hairy nips had been smuggled across the border from...

[russellmz]

...an unscruplous...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...an unscruplous...<hr></blockquote>

...Yak ranch in Quetta, Pakistan. You see, the Yak Ranch was a front for the Illuminati Weapons Smuggling Corps, which was outfitting the Featherholds with raspberry jam (and light anti-tank weapons). This angered the rebellious...

[ 11-24-2001: Message edited by: Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife ]</p>

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:
This angered the rebellious...<hr></blockquote>

...hamster farmers, who unleased the ravenous hamster hordes on unsuspecting...

[Gyrene]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> ...hamster farmers, who unleased the ravenous hamster hordes on unsuspecting...<hr></blockquote>

...CMBO players who were all out to prove that they were not just Mod leeches, but cared enough to recognize their favorite Mods by voting here (http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=1&t=022443).

"Oy Vey! When's that Gyrene going to get off our ass about voting for some mods?" said CMBO Player#1

"Ah dunno" CMBO Player#2 responded, "I don't want to vote for no..."

"Wait, what is that?"

"What is what?"

"Over there! Looks like a bunch of gerbils or hamsters all running this way"

"Yeah...What are those things strapped to their heads?"

"They look little Borg hamsters, how funny!"

"Yeah, they kind of neat....Look! I think they see us..."


Gyrene

[russellmz]

...clearing our tubes. and cleaning our rods. and cocking our guns. and...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...clearing our tubes. and cleaning our rods. and cocking our guns. and...<hr></blockquote>

...bumping just to show that I'm still around. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

[russellmz]

...the rodents had sent in the gamiest, mightiest cm unit of all: the...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...the rodents had sent in the gamiest, mightiest cm unit of all: the...<hr></blockquote>


...running machinegunner, well known for the ability to...

[russellmz]

...scare the crap out of any grog, what with the fact that...

[Dogface]

just in case anyone cant find the search button

http://www.ponyshow.com/search.jpg

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...scare the crap out of any grog, what with the fact that...<hr></blockquote>

(thanks for the search button dogface! i forgot to put in the one you emailed me after i graduated)


...they could use the mighty...

[Gyrene]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>...they could use the mighty... <hr></blockquote>

...fact that just because a pasty faced, couch potato grog can't run with a machine gun it doesn't mean that a fit soldier can't also.

"Blasphemy!" screeched the hordes of Borg Squirrels, "Wecouldn'trunwithamachinegunsonobodycan and we went WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

CM Player #1 and CM Player #2 were now completely frightened, bewildered and somewhat aroused by the hysterical, high-pitched, anti running machine gun babble issuing from the crazed hordes of Borg Squirrels.

Just when the CM Players thought that all was lost and they were about to be assimilated into a nut-collecting, non machine gun running existence they were rescued by...

Gyrene

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Gyrene:


...fact that just because a pasty faced, couch potato grog can't run with a machine gun it doesn't mean that a fit soldier can't also.

"Blasphemy!" screeched the hordes of Borg Squirrels, "Wecouldn'trunwithamachinegunsonobodycan and we went WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

CM Player #1 and CM Player #2 were now completely frightened, bewildered and somewhat aroused by the hysterical, high-pitched, anti running machine gun babble issuing from the crazed hordes of Borg Squirrels.

Just when the CM Players thought that all was lost and they were about to be assimilated into a nut-collecting, non machine gun running existence they were rescued by...

Gyrene<hr></blockquote>

...an Eagles fan with buttocks of steel and a mighty...

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:


...an Eagles fan with buttocks of steel and a mighty...<hr></blockquote>

big iron plate in his head as well, both the result of a misfortunate accident during childhood involving a running machinegunner, a ...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:


big iron plate in his head as well, both the result of a misfortunate accident during childhood involving a running machinegunner, a ...<hr></blockquote>

... "green" platoon of Sturm Chia-Pets™ and a lemon-lime Slurpie™. Chia-Pets™ don't run well, even without machine guns, so it was inevitable that abuse of the trademark symbol (™) would lead to a swift and fatal...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


... "green" platoon of Sturm Chia-Pets™ and a lemon-lime Slurpie™. Chia-Pets™ don't run well, even without machine guns, so it was inevitable that abuse of the trademark symbol (™ ;) would lead to a swift and fatal...<hr></blockquote>

...beating of all those who refuse to do their bumping duty. but that did not matter, the chia pets knew that...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:


...beating of all those who refuse to do their bumping duty. but that did not matter, the chia pets knew that...<hr></blockquote>

...there would be people talking or replying to themselves because...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...there would be people talking or replying to themselves because...<hr></blockquote>

...everyone else was distracted by the approaching...

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...everyone else was distracted by the approaching...<hr></blockquote>

storm of . . .

[Joe Shaw]

... Gail Storm reruns on the Old TV Channel. "When, oh when," they wailed as they rent their clothes with frantic renting, "when will MadMatt ...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
... Gail Storm reruns on the Old TV Channel. "When, oh when," they wailed as they rent their clothes with frantic renting, "when will MadMatt ...<hr></blockquote>

...be able to...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...be able to...<hr></blockquote>

...grow hair on his...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...grow hair on his...<hr></blockquote>

..40 acre plantation outside Qala-i-Jangi? To the best of our knowledge, hair growth is one of the agricultural endeavours qualified for UN subsidies under the "Chia-Pets for Poppies" program. In other news, CIA operatives were seen arguing with tribal warlords about the trajectory of 4.2 inch bean burritos after liberating a 7-Eleven in suburban Kabul. The porno rack was said to be damaged in previous assaults by local...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


..40 acre plantation outside Qala-i-Jangi? To the best of our knowledge, hair growth is one of the agricultural endeavours qualified for UN subsidies under the "Chia-Pets for Poppies" program. In other news, CIA operatives were seen arguing with tribal warlords about the trajectory of 4.2 inch bean burritos after liberating a 7-Eleven in suburban Kabul. The porno rack was said to be damaged in previous assaults by local...<hr></blockquote>

...jackelopes, usually found in near jillaroos, which are usually found in the afghan border town of...

[russellmz]

...asH endoff dawurld. this town, is famous for its contribution to cm. here,...

[Gyrene]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> ...asH endoff dawurld. this town, is famous for its contribution to cm. here,... <hr></blockquote>

...Was the first place that the question "Why didn't the Germans win the war? After all they had all the cool stuff" was asked creating such an upheaval in the historical community that pieces of the community were broken off by the shock wave and those pieces became known as Grogs.

Now these Grogs relished in repeatedly asking questions like that and also asking questions like....

Gyrene

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Gyrene:


...Was the first place that the question "Why didn't the Germans win the war? After all they had all the cool stuff" was asked creating such an upheaval in the historical community that pieces of the community were broken off by the shock wave and those pieces became known as Grogs.

Now these Grogs relished in repeatedly asking questions like that and also asking questions like....

Gyrene<hr></blockquote>

...how much data can we fit into a single post while making those who read it glassy eyed? The Grogs were famous for arguing the most inane details of little known weapons such as the...

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:
...how much data can we fit into a single post while making those who read it glassy eyed? The Grogs were famous for arguing the most inane details of little known weapons such as the...<hr></blockquote>

air speed velocity of a fully laden European swallow suffering from mange. Unfortunately, they tended to let the FAQ drop off the front page, prompting some idiots to post the "How do I post a Picture Here" thread, which was much better than the insidious, but brief "How do I post a message here" thread, which of course was not nearly as nasty as . . .

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrSpkr:


air speed velocity of a fully laden European swallow suffering from mange. Unfortunately, they tended to let the FAQ drop off the front page, prompting some idiots to post the "How do I post a Picture Here" thread, which was much better than the insidious, but brief "How do I post a message here" thread, which of course was not nearly as nasty as . . .<hr></blockquote>

...the odor emanating from Mister Sprinkler. It seems that his hygeine habits were lacking and his regions most nether needed some...

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:


...the odor emanating from Mister Sprinkler. It seems that his hygeine habits were lacking and his regions most nether needed some...<hr></blockquote>

clearing out. This prompted the Grogs to attempt to figure out first the "caliber" of MrSpkr, and secondly, what type of rodent (hamster, gerbil, mouse) would be employed in the clearing out attack.

The grogs finally decided that the rodent must be...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:


clearing out. This prompted the Grogs to attempt to figure out first the "caliber" of MrSpkr, and secondly, what type of rodent (hamster, gerbil, mouse) would be employed in the clearing out attack.

The grogs finally decided that the rodent must be...<hr></blockquote>

...from Virginia where you can also find plenty of...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:


...from Virginia where you can also find plenty of...<hr></blockquote>

...Tennessians, who often visit to see the unusally sized virginian...

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:


...Tennessians, who often visit to see the unusally sized virginian...<hr></blockquote>

"And now for something completely different."

"The Larch."

<click>

As he was turning off the television, Homer sighed and laid back down on his couch. Ever since he destroyed Fionn in a head to head CM deathmatch, life had become, well, boring. To pass the time until CMBB was released, Homer decided to . . .

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrSpkr:


"And now for something completely different."

"The Larch."

<click>

As he was turning off the television, Homer sighed and laid back down on his couch. Ever since he destroyed Fionn in a head to head CM deathmatch, life had become, well, boring. To pass the time until CMBB was released, Homer decided to . . .<hr></blockquote>

...kick the stuffing out of Mister Sprinkler for changing the subject. There was nothing he liked better than to...

[russellmz]

...play with teckno the puppy. this cute little $20 motorized puppy my dad bought wags its head and tail and barks. what with its light sensor, touch sensor, and sound sensor, it had more doodads than...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...play with teckno the puppy. this cute little $20 motorized puppy my dad bought wags its head and tail and barks. what with its light sensor, touch sensor, and sound sensor, it had more doodads than...<hr></blockquote>

...a...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...a...<hr></blockquote>

...number of 21 year old female strippers.

"Yummy, I sure do love their doodads", yelled a very excited.....

[ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]</p>

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...number of 21 year old female strippers.

"Yummy, I sure do love their doodads", yelled a very excited.....

[ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<hr></blockquote>


...gentleman wearing Eagles colors. His Adonis like frame shook with anticipation of the tweaking of the doodads and the rubbing of the...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
His Adonis like frame shook with anticipation of the tweaking of the doodads and the rubbing of the...<hr></blockquote>

...crawdads.

He then crossed that line that should never be crossed by whipping out his massive, throbbing...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...crawdads.

He then crossed that line that should never be crossed by whipping out his massive, throbbing...<hr></blockquote>

...pulsating...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:


...pulsating...<hr></blockquote>

...giggling...

[Lawyer]

and worshiping the Lawyer for bringing this back to page 1, although...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lawyer:
and worshiping the Lawyer for bringing this back to page 1, although...<hr></blockquote>

...it should be noted that only autistic sycophants would worship the extremely egocentric buffoon known the Lawyer. Law school was difficult for this individual because of his ineptitude in...

[Mace]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
Law school was difficult for this individual because of his ineptitude in...<hr></blockquote>

...social skills, arithmatic, reading and writing (he had grunting and snuffling down pat though).

However, he did have a lot of money, which Lawyer skillfully used to buy his way to...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Mace:


...social skills, arithmatic, reading and writing (he had grunting and snuffling down pat though).

However, he did have a lot of money, which Lawyer skillfully used to buy his way to...<hr></blockquote>

...receiving a membership in the Cesspool when we all know he should have been sent to the...

[MrSpkr]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
...receiving a membership in the Cesspool when we all know he should have been sent to the...<hr></blockquote>

. . . running machine-guns thread, where all the . . .

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . running machine-guns thread, where all the . . .<hr></blockquote>

...plump, young...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


...plump, young...<hr></blockquote>

...nubile...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:


...nubile...<hr></blockquote>

...slice of...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:


...slice of...<hr></blockquote>

...heaven with a chest that makes me...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:


...heaven with a chest that makes me...<hr></blockquote>

...want to grab a bottle of nair and then...

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:


...want to grab a bottle of nair and then...<hr></blockquote>

...take a cold shower at the state penitentiary. Later that evening, our hero bought several Ballpark Franks® ("they plump when ya cook 'em" - Michael Jordan) and headed off to his front row seats at the Lakers game next to Jack Nicholson and...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:


...take a cold shower at the state penitentiary. Later that evening, our hero bought several Ballpark Franks® ("they plump when ya cook 'em" - Michael Jordan) and headed off to his front row seats at the Lakers game next to Jack Nicholson and...<hr></blockquote>

...mrs...

[Gyrene]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> ...mrs... <hr></blockquote>

Robinson, coo-coo coo-choo. Between periods of the Lakers game they discussed why they should not let the FAQ thread drop out of the map, because when it does someone will invariably ask about how they can take screen shots of CM.

But soon they were distracted by the half time show, which involved a bevy of Finnish girls in snow camouflage bikinis demonstrating how they could disable Russian tanks with...

Gyrene

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Gyrene:


Robinson, coo-coo coo-choo. Between periods of the Lakers game they discussed why they should not let the FAQ thread drop out of the map, because when it does someone will invariably ask about how they can take screen shots of CM.

But soon they were distracted by the half time show, which involved a bevy of Finnish girls in snow camouflage bikinis demonstrating how they could disable Russian tanks with...

Gyrene<hr></blockquote>


a wink, a nudge, and a say no more. So, your wife...she likes sport? She's a real...

[Panzer Boxb]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>
a wink, a nudge, and a say no more. So, your wife...she likes sport? She's a real...

<hr></blockquote>

.... lurker ....

-Mike Z.

[Michael Dorosh]

Bumped because I forgot how to find my IP address. This is a great thread!

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:
Bumped because I forgot how to find my IP address. This is a great thread!<hr></blockquote>


..the mongoloid gentleman said as he sat and ate his...

[russellmz]

...veggie...

[russellmz]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...veggie...<hr></blockquote>

...mite sandwich. but then, a bluekrainian showed up with a recruitment poster:

http://www.russellmz.homestead.com/files/images/iwantblue.gif

only the weak minded would go join the blue army after seeing that poster. so immediately...

[russellmz]

...the faq author wondered if anyone would notice if he started typing random curse words. however, when he tried this...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by russellmz:
...the faq author wondered if anyone would notice if he started typing random curse words. however, when he tried this...<hr></blockquote>

...the villagers tied "Russell the love muscle" to a tree and pelted him with...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...the faq author wondered if anyone would notice if he started typing random curse words. however, when he tried this......the villagers tied "Russell the love muscle" to a tree and pelted him with...</font>[/QUOTE]...rudebegas and achovies until he...

[russellmz]

...was full. thenthey pelted him with...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...was full. thenthey pelted him with......questions, such as..

[Fairbairn-Sykes]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...questions, such as.....May I touch you when we're dancing?...

[Mace]

Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:
...May I touch you when we're dancing?......but men normally asked him that question at those types of bars. The ones where the men were....

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Fairbairn-Sykes Trench Knife:
...May I touch you when we're dancing?......but men normally asked him that question at those types of bars. The ones where the men were....</font>[/QUOTE]...happy and...

[Splinty]

...wearing multicoloured wigs...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Splinty:
...wearing multicoloured wigs......meanwhile, back at the ranch...I was running with my machine gun while struggling to incorporate my flamethrower into a squad. I wondered if that would be gamey or realistic. I hugged the edges of the cheetos bag and did a gamey bag rush at the end because we all know that its much more fun to....

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Splinty:
...wearing multicoloured wigs......meanwhile, back at the ranch...I was running with my machine gun while struggling to incorporate my flamethrower into a squad. I wondered if that would be gamey or realistic. I hugged the edges of the cheetos bag and did a gamey bag rush at the end because we all know that its much more fun to....</font>[/QUOTE]...inhale cheetos than eat them. (did you know cheese puffs are compressed corn meal that is squeezed through small holes? and the pressure is so great that the water boils and it puffs out like a popcorn kernal? that is cool, thought...

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...inhale cheetos than eat them. (did you know cheese puffs are compressed corn meal that is squeezed through small holes? and the pressure is so great that the water boils and it puffs out like a popcorn kernal? that is cool, thought.......However, the cheetos most enjoyed are those that are inserted up.....

(No I didn't know that. Somehow, though, my life now feels much more complete with this knowledge. How can I ever thank you?)

Mace

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Mace:
[QUOTE]However, the cheetos most enjoyed are those that are inserted up........a sloth's...

[Sledge59]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...a sloth's...[/QB]...nose, and then refried to a crackly...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Sledge59:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...a sloth's......nose, and then refried to a crackly...[/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]...yet moist texture. (hmmmmm, crackly) anyhoo, few people were aware of the sloth' nose properties, including...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sledge59:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...a sloth's......nose, and then refried to a crackly...</font>[/QUOTE]...yet moist texture. (hmmmmm, crackly) anyhoo, few people were aware of the sloth' nose properties, including...[/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]...the ability to...

[Lorak]

[/QUOTE]...the ability to...[/QB][/QUOTE]

Sustain the philly football team during the off-season as they sit around at home wondering once again...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Lorak:
...the ability to...[/QUOTE]

Sustain the philly football team during the off-season as they sit around at home wondering once again...[/QB][/QUOTE]

...why most Steelers fans left Pittsburgh to live in the south. It made little sense and...

[Lorak]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
[QUOTE]...why most Steelers fans left Pittsburgh to live in the south. It made little sense and.....did propose a hardship on those that actualy would make the trip back to Pitt to try and catch a game. Lucky those in the south found this substance called grass and brought this invention back to Pittsburgh to grace its new stadium. While the players in Philly are left to play on a crapy surface made of...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Lorak:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
...why most Steelers fans left Pittsburgh to live in the south. It made little sense and.....did propose a hardship on those that actualy would make the trip back to Pitt to try and catch a game. Lucky those in the south found this substance called grass and brought this invention back to Pittsburgh to grace its new stadium. While the players in Philly are left to play on a crapy surface made of...</font>...entrails of Steeler fans who gave their lives so that their team might lose badly to the Patriots in a silly...

[russellmz]

...exhibition of...

[jeffsmith]

Underdogs beating the tar out of an overconfidant bunch of Losers

Patriots are SuperBowl Champions !!!

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by jeffsmith:
Underdogs beating the tar out of an overconfidant bunch of Losers

Patriots are SuperBowl Champions !!!...but the cat didn't really care about this. The cat sat and stared at the obese...

[russellmz]

...(that's fat for you vocabaphobes) dog next to the...

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...dog next to the......the Jagdpanther that just happened to...

[Splinty]

Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...dog next to the......the Jagdpanther that just happened to...</font>[/QUOTE]...be manned by gerbils...

[ March 10, 2002, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Splinty ]

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Splinty:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...dog next to the......the Jagdpanther that just happened to...</font>[/QUOTE]...be manned by gerbils...</font>[/QUOTE]...that had superior optics. Their tremendous tank was famous for...

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
...that had superior optics. Their tremendous tank was famous for...[/QB]the tremendous tailgate parties held before every futball match. Hans would bring the schnitzel, Heinrich brought the beer, and little Hiram brought . . .

[Sledge59]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
the tremendous tailgate parties held before every futball match. Hans would bring the schnitzel, Heinrich brought the beer, and little Hiram brought . . ....a coffin for the memory of MrSpkr. Everyone had given him up for...

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Sledge59:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
the tremendous tailgate parties held before every futball match. Hans would bring the schnitzel, Heinrich brought the beer, and little Hiram brought . . ....a coffin for the memory of MrSpkr. Everyone had given him up for...</font>[/QUOTE]Lent, but then realized that they couldn't quite make it until Easter. That being said, it was far easier to . . . .

[russellmz]

...tell off color stories about his nightly escapades in...

[russellmz]

...a dress. but that dodn't matter at the...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...a dress. but that dodn't matter at the......local Denny's. They knew of Mister Sprinkler's odd choice of clothing and his stench that came from...

[Mace]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
They knew of Mister Sprinkler's odd choice of clothing and his stench that came from.......frequent rolling in dead roadkill that had been putrifying for some time.

Mr Squeeker first began this strange hobby when...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
They knew of Mister Sprinkler's odd choice of clothing and his stench that came from.......frequent rolling in dead roadkill that had been putrifying for some time.

Mr Squeeker first began this strange hobby when...</font>[/QUOTE]..his mom...

[Michael Emrys]

...bound his hands to prevent him from picking his...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Michael emrys:
...bound his hands to prevent him from picking his......sebaceous glands and making...

[MrSpkr]

. . . little Hiram jealous. Poor little Hiram. After the accident . . .

[russellmz]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . little Hiram jealous. Poor little Hiram. After the accident . . ....involving that jar of peanut butter and viagra, his glands just weren't the same. they would...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . little Hiram jealous. Poor little Hiram. After the accident . . ....involving that jar of peanut butter and viagra, his glands just weren't the same. they would...</font>[/QUOTE]...sing and dance whenever a bag of cheetos was near. Oh, the party that would start when the little bag of cheesy wonders would be near. Little did he realize that...

[Mace]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
Little did he realize that......his favorite snack had been replaced by healthy muesli bars.

The resulting look on his face said it all!

He.....

[ March 30, 2002, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: Mace ]

[russellmz]

...couldn't quite figure out the way the cheetos had made him stop from spontaneously combusting, but they did. however without them and with mace's alcohol soaked sheep nearby...

[russellmz]

...the situation was ripe for conflict. When the sheep ignited there was a mighty...

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...the situation was ripe for conflict. When the sheep ignited there was a mighty......cry of dismay from...

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Mace:
...cry of dismay from...all the other Oztraylyuns whose dates were being immolated for no other reason than sheer . . .

[ April 01, 2002, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[russellmz]

...lack of...

[Splinty]

...alcohol...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Splinty:
...alcohol...But the Oztraylyuns were not to be deterred. they...

[Lucky Forward]

*bump*

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Lucky Forward:
*bump*. . . uglies with bovine farm animals while . . .

[pawter]

. . . thanking their lucky stars they don't have to do it with Okies anymore.

Meanwhile Pretty Boy reached behind the seat for his jar of sour mash . . .

[ April 09, 2002, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: pawter ]

[russellmz]

Originally posted by pawter:
. . . thanking their lucky stars they don't have to do it with Okies anymore.

Meanwhile Pretty Boy reached behind the seat for his jar of sour mash . . ....beans with soy based particulate. cots were ready in case the meal...

[MrSpkr]

boomeranged . . .

[russellmz]

...around their...

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...around their......trained hamsters, skilled in...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...around their......trained hamsters, skilled in...</font>[/QUOTE]...tossing...

[russellmz]

...salad. (yuck!) but this was necessary to...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...salad. (yuck!) but this was necessary to......keep the...

[MrSpkr]

FAQmaster from overposting. IN any event, it was quite clear that . . .

[russellmz]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
FAQmaster from overposting. IN any event, it was quite clear that . . ....there was a definite...

[russellmz]

...lack of bumposity by...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...lack of bumposity by......the teeming millions lurking on the ubb. BUt this did not deter...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...lack of bumposity by......the teeming millions lurking on the ubb. BUt this did not deter...</font>[/QUOTE]...the liliputians. They surrounded the FAQ master and tied his lips together. He could only sway from side to side and hum to himself. His fedora was made of...

[pawter]

the crushed fur of a platoon of attack hamsters cursed with the temerity to venture across the big water.

"Oh, I don't know about these newfangled rodents" sighed Ratty ...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by pawter:
the crushed fur of a platoon of attack hamsters cursed with the temerity to venture across the big water.

"Oh, I don't know about these newfangled rodents" sighed Ratty ......McWhisker to Commander Bun Bun. "They are too green and..."

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...McWhisker to Commander Bun Bun. "They are too green and..."..."I thimply hate green. It just clashes tho much with my daaahling purple"...

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...McWhisker to Commander Bun Bun. "They are too green and..."..."I thimply hate green. It just clashes tho much with my daaahling purple"...</font>[/QUOTE]"and you know how much I Ha-ate clashes. Why just yesterday I . . ."

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Mace:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...McWhisker to Commander Bun Bun. "They are too green and..."..."I thimply hate green. It just clashes tho much with my daaahling purple"...</font>[/QUOTE]"and you know how much I Ha-ate clashes. Why just yesterday I . . ."</font>[/QUOTE]said to myself, 'MrSpkr,' I says, 'Isn't it great being me? Why I . . .'"

[Mace]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
said to myself, 'MrSpkr,' I says, 'Isn't it great being me? Why I . . .'"...and then suddenly MrSpkr was hit by a freight train, because he didn't notice that he was standing on the track.

People were...

[russellmz]

...whole heartedly supporting...

[MrSpkr]

his favotire charity . . .

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
his favotire charity . . .the "United Married Guys With CM", which . . .

[MrSpkr]

supports all of us . . .

[russellmz]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
supports all of us . . ....by providing lots of superglue and...

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
supports all of us . . ....by providing lots of superglue and...</font>[/QUOTE]And those funny hardhats with the chinstraps. Unfortunately, the lack of exposed steel girders...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
supports all of us . . ....by providing lots of superglue and...</font>[/QUOTE]And those funny hardhats with the chinstraps. Unfortunately, the lack of exposed steel girders...</font>[/QUOTE]...it was quite easy to...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
supports all of us . . ....by providing lots of superglue and...</font>[/QUOTE]And those funny hardhats with the chinstraps. Unfortunately, the lack of exposed steel girders...</font>[/QUOTE]...it was quite easy to...</font>[/QUOTE]...toss panzerfaust only armed units, called tank hunters by catapult. the inf tossing catapult was invented by...

[russellmz]

...some dude and his none toed gorlfriend, known as...

[Mace]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...some dude and his none toed gorlfriend, known as......Ethel.

Ethel lost her toes during a...

[russellmz]

...a gruesome sheep hearding contest, that was interrupted by...

[Splinty]

...a horde of angry Chupacabras...

[MrSpkr]

. . . frustrated by the 'argieness' of the local dialect. Fortunately, . . .

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . frustrated by the 'argieness' of the local dialect. Fortunately, . . ....some Snipers came along, no wait, they were sharpshooters...no Snipers...no wait...they must have been sharpshooters...they took potshots without a badge and were wont to....

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . frustrated by the 'argieness' of the local dialect. Fortunately, . . .she had been raised in karst country and knew the value of a good limestone cave. Not for her the inferior lava tube caves with their ...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . frustrated by the 'argieness' of the local dialect. Fortunately, . . .she had been raised in karst country and knew the value of a good limestone cave. Not for her the inferior lava tube caves with their ...</font>[/QUOTE]...slack jaw Utah residents who remain clueless and inbred. The spelunkers knew they had to...

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
. . . frustrated by the 'argieness' of the local dialect. Fortunately, . . .she had been raised in karst country and knew the value of a good limestone cave. Not for her the inferior lava tube caves with their ...</font>[/QUOTE]...slack jaw Utah residents who remain clueless and inbred. The spelunkers knew they had to...</font>[/QUOTE]... refer to themselves as "cavers" or no one would take them seriously or, worse yet, take them for denizens of New Jersey! Luckily our plucky young heroine with her flaxen hair, wide set exotic eyes and a trim, pert nose that led the eye of the beholder down, down, down to finally rest upon ...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:
... refer to themselves as "cavers" or no one would take them seriously or, worse yet, take them for denizens of New Jersey! Luckily our plucky young heroine with her flaxen hair, wide set exotic eyes and a trim, pert nose that led the eye of the beholder down, down, down to finally rest upon ...…the misshapen skull of a myopic denizen of Utah. His flabby jowls shook too and fro as he huffed and puffed on the way to the fridge for some more Justicar juice. Joe had fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. His one redeeming quality was…

[ June 19, 2002, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[russellmz]

...his cool name. he was named after stalin cause he was always stallin' for time...

[MrSpkr]

. . . in the bathroom. Why, he still had fond memories of his father, standing out in the hall way, pounding on the door, shouting "Hurry up, Joe! What are you doing in there, son?"

Joe, of course, being an honest sort, would always answer by shouting ". . .

[ June 28, 2002, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[russellmz]

...exactly what he was doing, which made his father never ask such a silly question again, especially since joe...

[Hakko Ichiu]

...was secretly an agent for the dreaded Chinese Communists and their great leader, Mao Tse-tung. His true name was Jo Xia, which, in Chinese means...

[Splinty]

..."he with the flabby buttocks"...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Splinty:
..."he with the flabby buttocks"......and hairy...

[russellmz]

...girlfriend named...

[russellmz]

...harriet...

[ July 14, 2002, 12:12 AM: Message edited by: russellmz ]

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...harriet...there's a man who leads a life of danger ...

[Hakko Ichiu]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...harriet...there's a man who leads a life of danger ...</font>[/QUOTE]...which many thought a curiously long last name. She explained that it derived from an unusual...

[StarFleet Captain]

Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:
[QUOTE]...which many thought a curiously long last name. She explained that it derived from an unusual......sexually transmitted disease that she acquired years ago, but that didn't stop...

[StarFleet Captain]

Originally posted by StarFleet Captain:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:
...which many thought a curiously long last name. She explained that it derived from an unusual......sexually transmitted disease that she acquired years ago, but that didn't stop...</font>...myself from bumping the FAQ back to Page #1 from Page #4. But nonetheless some people just don't get the royalties that come with...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by StarFleet Captain:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by StarFleet Captain:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:
...which many thought a curiously long last name. She explained that it derived from an unusual......sexually transmitted disease that she acquired years ago, but that didn't stop...</font>...myself from bumping the FAQ back to Page #1 from Page #4. But nonetheless some people just don't get the royalties that come with...</font>[/QUOTE]...God who is in his holy temple. Or, so they say in the General Forum where you can find...

[Hakko Ichiu]

...delicacies to satisfy the most jaded palate. We have, for instance, a life-sized statue of...

[russellmz]

...Tricky Dick shaking hands with...

[Gyrene]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...Tricky Dick shaking hands with...Dick Trickle, the NASCAR driver, who really didn't believe that SFC was a noob at all, but a cleverly disguised...

Gyrene

[Mace]

Originally posted by Gyrene:
Dick Trickle, the NASCAR driver, who really didn't believe that SFC was a noob at all, but a cleverly disguised... GyreneGyrene was not only a master of disguise, but was also good at mounting fish on the...

[russellmz]

...fishing line. this line was won in the turbot fishing war of canada vs spain. of course the spainairds lost and had to...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...fishing line. this line was won in the turbot fishing war of canada vs spain. of course the spainairds lost and had to......growl and show their...

[MrSpkr]

teeth, which . . .

[Splinty]

...were quite yellow and mishapen...

[Silvio Manuel]

...and then the dentist woke up. He shook the dream out of his mind, but thought he might return to it, while indulging on N2O at the office. That reminded him of Winston Churchill, who...

[russellmz]

...would often employ N2O on his...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...would often employ N2O on his......own reply to keep from feeling the pain. of course he was a closet...

[russellmz]

...serlf bumper and would bump his...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...serlf bumper and would bump his...head on the doorway of the...

[MrSpkr]

House of Commons on a regular basis. This of course irritated . . .

[russellmz]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:
House of Commons on a regular basis. This of course irritated . . ....everyone except for some speaker guy. he liked it when...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
House of Commons on a regular basis. This of course irritated . . ....everyone except for some speaker guy. he liked it when...</font>[/QUOTE]...people stopped bumping into him on purpose in order to...

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
House of Commons on a regular basis. This of course irritated . . ....everyone except for some speaker guy. he liked it when...</font>[/QUOTE]...people stopped bumping into him on purpose in order to...</font>[/QUOTE]...pursue big hipped women with plump rumps that wiggled and...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr:
House of Commons on a regular basis. This of course irritated . . ....everyone except for some speaker guy. he liked it when...</font>[/QUOTE]...people stopped bumping into him on purpose in order to...</font>[/QUOTE]...pursue big hipped women with plump rumps that wiggled and...</font>[/QUOTE]...wiggled and jiggled and iggled inside...

[russellmz]

...the cmbb forum...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...the cmbb forum........

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...the cmbb forum........</font>[/QUOTE]...

[Dressler]

Who ordered the clam and beandip on rye with a bottle of Nehi Peach served on the rocks in a 1958 vintage Shriner's fez?

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Dressler:
Who ordered the clam and beandip on rye with a bottle of Nehi Peach served on the rocks in a 1958 vintage Shriner's fez?i ordered an orange juice and vodka, hold the vodka...

[russellmz]

..................................

[russellmz]

like, "." dude...

[russellmz]

...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---....

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---....</font>[/QUOTE]"Too bad I don't read Morse code", the big hipped woman said to herself as she sashayed through the bar while primping her...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---....</font>[/QUOTE]"Too bad I don't read Morse code", the big hipped woman said to herself as she sashayed through the bar while primping her...</font>[/QUOTE]...pimp's purple...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---....</font>[/QUOTE]"Too bad I don't read Morse code", the big hipped woman said to herself as she sashayed through the bar while primping her...</font>[/QUOTE]...pimp's purple...</font>[/QUOTE].................................................. .........................................

[russellmz]

turkey...triptofan...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[BotD]

Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.com

[russellmz]

Originally posted by BotD:
Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.comthanks for info, ill look into it later...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by BotD:
Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.comthanks for info, ill look into it later...</font>[/QUOTE]..eventually i'll look into it, just not now...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by BotD:
Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.comthanks for info, ill look into it later...</font>[/QUOTE]..eventually i'll look into it, just not now...</font>[/QUOTE]next year, sometime, definitely...

[russellmz]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by BotD:
Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.comthanks for info, ill look into it later...</font>[/QUOTE]..eventually i'll look into it, just not now...</font>[/QUOTE]next year, sometime, definitely...</font>[/QUOTE]almost there...

[Splinty]

Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by russellmz:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by BotD:
Tournament houses player guide link doesnt work. Does anyone have it saved that they could send it to me? drizzt2005@lvcm.comthanks for info, ill look into it later...</font>[/QUOTE]..eventually i'll look into it, just not now...</font>[/QUOTE]next year, sometime, definitely...</font>[/QUOTE]almost there...</font>[/QUOTE]...I can see it now...

[Dressler]

I had a turkey that tripped and fell into the fan once. Man, there was feathers and giblets everywhere...

[Dressler]

Bump.... just because I have this sneaking suspicion that someone out there is wondering how to take a screenshot.

[russellmz]

Originally posted by Dressler:
Bump.... just because I have this sneaking suspicion that someone out there is wondering how to take a screenshot. bonk

yay! it's been stickied! only took a year or two of bumping smile.gif

[ April 08, 2003, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: russellmz ]

[Gaylord Focker]

*bump*

[Moon]

Wow... CMBO Strategy Guide (http://www.chema-cagi.com/combatmission/docs/TIPSRever/Help%20and%20Tips/CMBO%20Strategy%20Guide.html)

Martin

[jdouge]

Originally posted by Moon:
Wow... CMBO Strategy Guide (http://www.chema-cagi.com/combatmission/docs/TIPSRever/Help%20and%20Tips/CMBO%20Strategy%20Guide.html)

Martin :mad: Four days late -- the link's dead! Damn. And Google's no help, either. Sigh.

I guess I can wait another 4-6 years.